Naughty Blogger!

Oh dear naughty blogger! *smacks hand*

In my defence I've had a rough start to the year with our first IVF cycle with our surrogate ending with a chemical pregnancy (see surrogacy blog for more details). So my head has been all over the place, one minute I thought I was going to be a mummy and the next minute I wasn't. Anyway we are going to be trying again very soon and I hope to have better news on that front next time!

So it has been my birthday and I'm very quickly heading towards the 30 marker! At least I'm an even number now, I'm slightly strange I know...!

Pete and I went for a short trip to the lakes after our bad news regarding the pregnancy, to spend some quality time together, alone and away from everything. I know i really needed it, I'm not sure about Pete. Amongst other things, one thing I hate about not working is the loneliness and troubles it brings. Sat in the same building day after day with only a dog and your thoughts for company. It's dangerous and I really, really want it to start getting warmer so I have the ability and will to get out of the house more often! It's simply too cold to venture out very often, its not worth it with the coughing and breathlessness it brings.

Last Monday I went to see Girls Aloud, yep, fourth time! I think I may possibly have seen them every time they have done a tour. I also booked tickets with my friends last night to go see The Big Reunion tour in May. If you haven't heard about this, it is bands from the 90's reuniting like 5ive, 911 and Atomic Kitten and putting on a massive cheesy concert, it's going to be great!

In CF news I have been told I need insulin treatment and then been told actually I might not do. It's all slightly confusing and annoying and has been dragging on since October! My gluclose tolerance test last October came back saying I have mild diabetes, so I monitored my blood sugars for a week and the dietician decided she wanted me to wear a constant monitor for five days. A small catheter is put in your stomach by using some kind of stapler device (really small needle) and then a small probe is attached which constantly monitors your sugars. You still have to prick your finger four times a day to check the monitor was working properly. You can still shower and even go swimming with this device attached to you so it's not too bad to have attached. I then removed it on my own and posted the probe back to the hospital. Here it is

 I then caught a cold and as usual started to get chest pains, was sleeping lots and had very little energy, after taking oral Ciprofloxacin for a week I went to the hospital for a check up. My lung function was slightly down to 40% so nothing major and the consultant decided to have a good look at my medical history and test results whilst I was there. He decided I could need insulin looking at my results and he wants to try me on a new nebulised antibiotic called Azli (nebulised Aztreonam) rather than having Tobi (nebulised or inhaled Tobramycin). He said I needed to be admitted to start the insulin and he wanted me to have IVs on the ward rather than home IVs to get some rest as I looked stressed (I was). So I was put in the waiting list and said to wait for them to call me. 

After a week of waiting I felt much better and decided I didn't actually need IVs afterall, looks like two weeks of Ciprofloxacin had done the trick for once, seriously, its a miracle! So I called to let them know and turns out my name wasn't even on the board, someone had forgotten to put me on! 

The dietician said I still needed to come in to start insulin as I needed to be monitored. Fast forward two more weeks and several phone calls later and I still didn't have a bed due to lots of emergency admittances and I was getting rather annoyed as I wanted to start the damn insulin and also the nebulised Azli.

The main CF dietician who was now back from her holidays decided she wants to retest me as the probe didn't collaborate very well with my own monitoring. She was very apologetic and explained it seems there has been a lack of communication and misunderstanding with what was happening with me. So yesterday I went for the monitor fitting again and to try the new Azli nebuliser.

She explained everything to me and I will try to explain in how I understood it however I do find the whole blood sugars thing very confusing..... I do get high sugars (over 10) but not really high and not in any clear pattern, I also get low sugars (under 4) so she is worried if I had insulin I would get even lower sugars which is dangerous. If I do need treatment they need to work out what type of insulin I'd need, I didn't even know you could get different types! My HbA1c (a measurement taken from your blood) is 48 which is above normal but a good number for someone with diabetes (apparently the aim is between 48-58). So once they get the results from this monitor they are going to decide what to do with me. 

Diabetes is something that many people with CF develop and is called CF related diabetes (surprisingly!). From what I've read it's a combination of type 1 and type 2 diabetes. Mucus in the pancreas damages the cells that produce insulin over time and the body becomes insulin resistant due to chronic infection.

So I go back in two weeks to get my results and pick up the Azli they have ordered for me as I tolerated it fine (I can't get if from the GP as it's too expensive).

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year! I certainly did, it sure made up for last year when I was really ill! I got spoilt rotten, a few presents I got were a Kindle, Lion King Tickets, new coat and a teapot! I don't even drink tea but really wanted a teapot! We also got enough money to purchase a tumble dryer, here is a photo of Alfie watching it. He is not sure about it at all but he'll get used to it as I keep telling him! I got Pete a bike, hence the picture of him on a bike!

 I just finished a course of IVs today, my lung function is up to 43% which is great! My weight is also 55.5kg, the highest in over a year! I'm booked in to have a constant glucose monitor in a few weeks as they still can't decide if I have diabetes yet as I am borderline. They want to decide whether to treat it or not. This monitor involves having a needle in my stomach attached to a monitor for 5 days and constantly monitors my blood sugar level, this way they can get a more in depth view of what is happening in my body.

My IVs this time were not great at the start, I felt so ill and have continued to feel extremley tired all the way through. Hopefully I will start to feel better once the drugs get out of my system. I've had some problems with the company that deliver all my IV equipment. First they send me some sterile hand wash but the pump part didn't fit in properly! The when they delivered my second week of antibiotics there weren't enough and then the day after I realised the ones I'd been using for the past 2 days had expired! So they had sent me drugs that expired before I'd finished the course! This resulted in lots of phone calls from them making out as if I was reading the label wrong or not using them in the correct order, then finally an apology from the chemist and yet another delivery to send me some more. Its not what you need really when you are trying to relax and not feeling well! Its over now anyway, I'm putting it down to some kind of post Christmas problem!

My New Years resolution is be a vegetarian! I already only eat poultry and fish and the occasional bacon sandwich but I've decided I'm just going to try eating fish only, I'm aware this is not a proper vegetarian but I have my weight and health to think about too and I'm such a fussy eater! This came about as I'm tired of feeling guilty about eating meat and hearing horror stories of how animals are treated plus my logic is I will eat more vegetables! So far I have failed twice and it's still January! On New Years day we went out for chinese and I could't resist as we had a set meal and there wouldn't have been much for me to have otherwise! The second time was last Saturday when we got takeaway chinese and I really wanted some chicken! So clearly chinese is my weakness and I'm going to be one of those vegetarians that lapses quite often!!

Happy Festive Season!

I'm still here! 

I have recently discovered the joy of the mobility scooter! If you know me you will know I hate shopping of any kind, it makes me tired, I get out of breathe, I feel lightheaded, get headaches and I avoid it all costs. We get our food shopping delivered (when Pete is home to help unpack) and I just avoid doing any form of shopping in general. This is OK for most of the year as I don't have any money to buy things anyway, however at Christmas time it can become more difficult. There is only so much online shopping you can do, sometimes you just need to see the item in the flesh or try it on etc.

Say hello to the mobility scooter! Most shopping centres have them to rent for free, you book them in advance for however long you like and off you go! Now obviously there are downsides to these scooters, for a start they are not exactly very cool and I think it took a lot of nerve for me to admit that I needed to use one as it's just another way my CF makes me feel useless, feel different and acknowledge I have a life threatening illness that is worsening slowly. Secondly, there is a high demand for these scooters at this time of year and it can be difficult to book one. So you have to plan way ahead when you are going to go shopping and make sure you call as early as possible to book one and you have to turn up at a certain time and leave by the end of your session. You can't just think, ohh I'll go shopping tomorrow when I'm up and ready. It requires planning. Thirdly, these scooters are pretty big and won't fit in shops, I ended up taking out a box a mannequin was on the other week at the gap wasn't big enough! So you spend a lot of time getting off the scooter and going in the store or to look at a certain item as you can't get to it on the scooter. Lastly, they beep when you reverse, it's so embarrassing! As if it isn't bad enough being in your 20's on a scooter, without the damn thing beeping loudly when you need to reverse, and by the way people do not move for you!  

So yes, the mobility scooter, a life saver for shopping but not exactly something a woman in her 20's wants to be familiar with. Here is a picture of me stuck trying to get out of a lift, naturally Pete took a photo rather than help me...!

I'm rather excited to tell you I have a new inhaler that replaces my tobi nebuliser! I nebulise tobi which is the antibiotic tobraymcin twice a day, I nebulise tobramycin to try help control the infections on my chest. Through the old type nebuliser called a porta-neb this would take 30-40 minutes for each dose and that just one thing I nebulise every day. Then the I-neb was introduced and this cut nebbing time for tobi to about 15-20 minutes for each dose. Now I have a tobi podhaler which takes about 6-8 minutes to do each dose! But the greatness doesn't stop there. The capsules do not need to be refrigerated as they are a powder not a liquid, everything is delivered to my house (no GP's or chemist required!) and nothing has to be washed afterwards. I'm really impressed with some of the advances in CF happening at the moment, its improving not only quality of life as it means less time doing treatments but also it will improve compliance with treatments as well. I'm going to do a video of me doing my podhaler for my next blog but here is a picture in the meantime. The white tube is not actually the podhaler but the case, the podhaler is inside and much smaller. It does make me cough quite a lot, particularly the first breath and I find I have to do three inhalations per capsule rather than two as they suggest to breathe it all in. Also I am having to try it one month on - one month off rather than being on it constantly (I assume due to cost) which I'm nervous about. However so far I am impressed!

Following on from my last post I'd like to share the latest comment I've had that has upset me. A few weeks ago my friend and I went to see the new Twilight film (judge me all you want...!). The car park for the cinema is lower than the cinema so you have to walk up lots of steps. I tried to park in disabled but it was raining and cold so of course the spaces were all full of people that are not disabled. Therefore we had to walk up loads of steps in the cold and hence I was coughing away. A couple in front of me turned around and asked if I was going to see the James Bond film? I shook my head (coughing too much to speak) to which the man replied, 'good!'. His partner then quite nastily told me I should be in bed not at the cinema! My friend said she was so mad she had to bite her tongue! I was concentrating on trying to breath too much to have any kind of thought at the time. Don't you just love people, more concerned about their film viewing than if the girl behind them can breathe or not!

Merry Christmas to everyone! xx

I can't be fixed!

Today at yoga I was informed by a lady that it must be a pain to have asthma, this a regular thing, people assume I have asthma as I use a blue inhaler like asthma sufferers. I told her I didn't have asthma but cystic fibrosis, she seemed quite shocked and exclaimed 'oh poppet that's even worse!', I wasn't really sure what to say apart from 'yeah it's not great'. She then proceeded to tell me how I should try reiki to help me. I never really know what to say when people try to suggest things to try 'fix' me, I haven't asked them for advice, usually their advice is useless and I don't really want to discuss my treatment plan with a complete stranger. 

Here are all the tips I have been given over the years that I can remember - take an antihistamine, have a glass of water, take reflux medication, stop smoking, have a cough tablet, have a drink of honey, try reiki, go see a doctor, have a lemsip, get out of the cold, eat garlic, go get in bed, have a sit down, have some vitamin C, think positive, have a rest, get a good meal in me, I'm sure there are more that I've forgotten. None of these things are going to make my CF go away, they will not get rid of the mucus on my chest making me cough, increase my lung function to stop me being breathless or get rid of the infections breeding on my chest. A few of them might help me temporarily such a sitting down or having a rest, however this is how I am ALL the time, I can't spend my life sat down although I try my hardest to haha!

I get sick of people trying to 'fix' me. Complete strangers I don't know and don't care to discuss my health with. If it's not advice they are giving me, its useless comments such as 'oh you have a bad cough', yes and the sky is blue and grass is green, thanks for that wonderful insight! I reckon I can't go 48 hours without getting a comment about my cough. Think how annoying it would be if you had a massive spot on your face that you were already self conscious and annoyed about and you can't get rid of it. Imagine people keep telling you about this spot and stupid tips on how to get rid of it. Now imagine this has happened for 27 years! So yes I try to be polite but it gets tiresome to the point I try to not cough, do it quietly to avoid drawing attention or avoid doing activities that make me cough.

Before I went in to hospital but when my chest was getting really bad I forced myself to go to the gym and was coughing lots, a guy stood there and mimicked me coughing then expected me to laugh with him. I didn't find it very funny, in fact I was mortified. 

I know people like to show concern, but please don't try to fix me and please don't tell me I have a cough, sometimes its worse and when it is my family and friends notice and are permitted to comment, this is the only time!! However to the general public, yes I have cough and it's not going away, its here to stay. I can't be fixed, I accepted a long time ago this was how my life was going to be, I live with a life threatening condition, it never gets better, all the treatment I have is to try keep me stable and not to make me better. I know for healthy people this is difficult to understand, they have a problem and they go to the GP and the GP makes it go away, they have a cold and spend a few days in bed and then are back to normal. This is not what happens to people with CF or other long term conditions, I am never going to be better, I have to learn to live with my condition.

Past Few Weeks

I've kind of been putting this blog off as I couldn't be bothered with it but I suppose I should post an update for anyone that still reads!

I ended up on IVs again as I caught a cold which it seems is my enemy! I called the hospital and they put me on septrin at first to try stop me needing IVs, I drove to Leeds and picked up the prescription, got the tablets from the chemist. I decided to flick through the leaflet quickly before I took it as I've never taken septrin before and like to know what lovely side effects I may experience, so I know its the tablets causing it. I didn't get past the first section of the leaflet as I discovered septrin contains trimethprim which I have on my notes as been allergic to. I have a memory of vomiting in my Beauty and the Beast slippers as a child, my mother cannot recall this. I was unimpressed to say the least so called the Doctor who said 'yes I remember reading it in your notes but I forgot', wow good to know. Anyway she suggested I take one anyway and see how it went as it was a long time ago and it wasn't a serious allergic reaction. There was no vomiting so that was a bit of good news.

The septrin failed me and four days later I felt like I was at deaths door, I was getting out of breath talking, was so tired and achy and my sputum was going really thick and dark green. On the Monday I waited until our cleaner had done the bedroom and and then crawled in to bed, I was fully clothed with slippers on and was under the duvet and still shivering. I had to take Alfie to the vets as he had been walking on three legs all weekend so dragged myself out of bed and somehow made it, luckily Alfie had just pulled a muscle, that dog is a serious whimp! I decided whilst in the vets I was indeed going to die and called the hospital to tell them I was feeling very unwell so they wanted me to go in and see them. I went to my mums where I proceeded to cry as I was fed up and could not face driving to the hospital and struggling to get a car parking space and walking from the car to the ward. So my mum took me thankfully and gave me some pringles to cheer me up, my mum had only just come back from holiday so was pretty tired herself bless her!

I had a temperature of 38 degrees (I think it was 39 degrees the next day) and since I'd only had IVs two weeks before and I confessed I would struggle to do home IVs they decided to admit me in to hospital. Except they there were no beds on the CF ward and they couldn't locate me one on the respiratory ward so I had to go back home and wait for them to call me. Which they did the next day so off I went with my lightly packed suitcase (I wasn't planning on staying long). They decided I might have the flu so started me on tamiflu, they also put me in isolation so I couldn't infect anyone else. 

I went in on the Tuesday and it was my sister in laws wedding on the Saturday, so as you can imagine I was extremely unhappy at this turn of events as I'd been looking forward to it for ages and I was also supposed to be a witness. I told everyone who came in to my room that I wanted to go to this wedding and could I go on home IVs or go out for two nights? (the wedding wasn't local). It turned out I did not have the flu, just rhino virus (the common cold) and my temperature was coming down slowly so they agreed to let me go on home IVs on the Friday as I was feeling a lot better and felt I could manage. I was going crazy anyway as I wasn't allowed out of my room, even to use the ward gym and there weren't even any windows in my room to spy on people! 

The wedding was great, I didn't exactly feel like partying and had lots of treatments to fit in but I managed it and I was there which was the main thing. I went to a wedding and fitted in three lots of physio, all my nebulisers, three lots of IVs and an afternoon kip so I was quite proud of myself! The hotel had a fridge they let me use thankfully and I had to use a jug to wash my hair as the shower wouldn't lift down, all these little things people don't realise you stress about!

The rest of the week I spent hidden under a sleeping bag on the sofa watching lots of ER, then I decided a few days before I was due to finish my IVs that I should get out and about. It's sometimes difficult to tell if you feel better when you are lying around all day, especially with all the side effects from the IVs.

When I went to finish my IVs my fev1 was 45% which is the best it has been in ages so I am really happy about that! I managed to keep on my weight through having supplements so I'm practically back to normal now. The only complain I have is that I keep getting mucus in my throat especially when I lie down and I keep waking up because I can't breathe! The physio thinks this might be coming from my sinuses, so hopefully will get better as my cold goes. I also had my flu jab when I finished my IVs, the earliest my GPs could fit me in was the 31st October and it's just easier to get it done whilst at the hospital.

My glucose tolerance test says I have mild diabetes so at the moment I ma having to monitor my blood sugars before I eat and an hour and half after I've eaten. I don't know much about diabetes or what the blood sugars mean, the lowest so far is 3.2 and the highest is 17.6, I know that is higher than they should be but no idea what my fate is going to be! I hope I don't have diabetes because my fingers are already sore and it's just another thing to make eating even more complicated than it already is with these stupid enzymes! I seriously don't know how much more treatments I can fit in to my day and still have some form of a decent life! I might actually cry if they tell me I have diabetes.

Pete managed to raise £200 for doing the Great North Run which we donated to my CF Ward last week, so thanks to all those that donated!

Here are some pictures from my sister in laws wedding, we didn't get many! She looked gorgeous anyway which is easy for her since she does all the time!

Ace Husband

It's nearly the end of IV time and the past 12 days have not been the best, but neither have they been the worse. I was put on Aztreonam and Colomycin and my eyes have not gone sore at all, so it must be Tobramycin that is the culprit. However I have had terrible headaches, soreness in my joints and muscles and general lack of energy. However me being me decided that IVs were not going to ruin our plans to go to the Lake District last weekend so we loaded everything in the car and I was quite relieved I have an Astra as there was lots of stuff to take, and off we went. We did a short walk one day and that's about it, however I still came home feeling like a sack of crap which has continued all of this week. I'm still glad we went though as it was nice to get away, I love it in the Lakes, I love the views, fresh air and feeling of smallness.

I always convince myself that life is going to be normal when I'm on my IVs and this never happens. The reason for this is I forget all the little things that IVs do to you and how difficult and stressful it makes your day. One minute I can sleep for England, the next minute I can't sleep at all, things smell funny, I smell funny and as a result feel dirty, having thrush drives me insane, my skins itches, all my clothes feel tight and scratchy, getting washed is like a military operation due to a stupid needle in my arm, washing my hair is even worse, my dressing itches, my hands go dry from cleaning them so much and you guessed it...they itch, I have to plan everything to try fit my IVs in, I feel like I'm on another planet half of the time, my mouth feels like I'm hungover for the whole 2 weeks, I get daily headaches, my joints ache, I'm not hungry at all and feel sick...no wait now I want to eat a million chocolate bars, my sputum goes all thick from dehydration, it hurts to reach for the gear stick in the car because of my needle and lucky old me because I have hardly any energy to cope with any of these things.

Luckily I have an amazing husband because no-one else seems too bothered that I'm on IVs, people get so used to me been on them. Oh you're on your IVs again? Yep that's me, on my IVs again. Maybe people know I have Pete to help me so just keep out of it, I don't really know what I expect. Pete has got up every morning at 6am to prepare my IVs and put them on for me, some mornings I barely remember him doing them! He has also done my evening IVs and when we were in the lakes he did them all. He has helped me with my physio, has cooked tea most nights and taken Alfie out after work a few times. This is what being a CF partner or a partner of anyone with a disability involves and I really don't think they get enough credit, Pete doesn't have to put up with this like I do, he chooses to put up with it. My brother pointed out when we were in the Lakes that Pete does lots for me and yes he does. Pete lives with me and knows what makes me tired, what I can't manage, he understands my limits. On the hand hand he also knows what I am capable of, he knows that I'm not lazy (well maybe sometimes hehe) and I hate it when I useless. He doesn't rub it in my face or expect anything in return and it's taken him a long time to learn all these things, I sometimes worry one day he will have enough and leave me. I hate people that don't appreciate what they have and I know I am very lucky to have such a wonderful person in my life. He describes himself as 'a planner by day and carer by night!' I'm not sure if I like him labelling himself as my carer as I'm more to him than a patient! I know he isn't too serious though, I think he's a planner by day and an ace husband by night!

Pete is doing the great North Run today, sadly because I'm on my IVs it wasn't possible for me to go with him to cheer him on which is disappointing but he understands. I'll let you know how he does!

Here are some pictures from the Lakes

My Hero

Three years ago today I married the love of my life! I love him with every inch of my body and feel so lucky to have found such a caring, generous, gorgeous man to spend the rest of my life with! Here is a little video I made as to why I love my husband so much..!!

12 Weeks!

About two weeks ago I started to get a funny taste in my mouth and funny smell up my nose, and I knew my good patch was over. According to the physio I am not some kind of freak, its the infection I can taste and smell, I feel like i'm some kind of bloody sniffer dog that can detect infection! In addition to this I started to become more productive, I was getting dull pains in my lungs and I was starting to feel more tired.

I coughed my way through yoga and this man (apparently a GP) who has already commented on my cough to the yoga teacher and told her to tell me to take gavisgon came over to me afterwards and started telling me I have reflux and need to take some gavisgon before class. This annoyed me for two reasons, firstly, I do not like coughing infront of everyone and causing the yoga teacher to have to pause during her instructions because i'm so loud, so to have someone blatantly point out it's annoying is upsetting. Secondly, he has been told I have CF so why is he is insisting on interfering and trying to give me medical advice?! Even when I explained to him it was mucus on my chest he kept going on about reflux, I just wanted to yell 'leave me alone you annoying, interfering old man and mind your own business!', instead I just kind of ignored him after a while and walked off. I  was so annoyed I didn't go to yoga this Friday just gone, as clearly my coughing pisses people off.

On Sunday my friends and I did this modelling experience as my friend got us vouchers for Christmas last year. They do your hair and makeup and take photos of you. It was fun and we got some good photos, then we stayed in Manchester and went on a night out. I felt shocking the next day even though I had not drunk any alcohol and I only slept for 3 hours, I had toilet troubles and kept waking up sweating. Here are some photos from the shoot 

I had outpatients on Friday, my weight is down a little at 53.8kg so I was told to try put a bit more on by the dietician. She also confirmed after a lengthy description of my stools (always my favourite thing to do) that I was not taking enough enzymes which has probably contributed to my small weight loss and massive appetite. So stools wise.... pale, fluffy, large stools mean you are not taking enough enzymes, they do not have to be oily, orange, floaty and extremely smelly as I thought. Also going to the toilet five-six times a day is a sign too! I've hardly had any stomach pains though which is weird as i'd expect that if I wasn't digesting my food properly.

My fev1 is a steady 42% which is great and the physio thinks all the exercise I have been doing is helping this. The doctor wanted me to go on IVs though as I do feel as though i'm slipping and when I suggested going on oral Ciprofloxin I was informed one of the psuedomonas infections on my chest (I have two types of Psuedo on my lungs) is very resistant to most things including Ciprofloxin. So I agreed to go on IVs, blugh! I haven't had any since May so done well! So I am starting them tomorrow, i'm really going to try and keep up with the exercise though, it's just so difficult when your head feels all fuzzy and moving your body is like trudging through mud. 

On Saturday was my sister in laws hen night so I was out in Manchester again! We went in to town in a pink limousine, had chinese then went to the Birdcage. I have never seen so many women in one room and so many hen parties! I left at 11.30 with Pete's mum, Pete had gone to watch Man City with his Dad, so we were both staying at his parents. The next day we went to see some friends who recently had a baby and then had a meal at Pete's parents with all the clan over after going to have a look where my sister in law is getting married in a months time. I can't believe it is going to be Pete and I's three year wedding anniversary next week! Here are some pictures from the hen do, I have figured out how to do fancy things to photographs now to make me look better haha!

So today and I am exhausted and not really done much apart from take Alfie out for a short walk!

Pete is doing the Great North Run again in two weeks time and is only going to take sponsorship money if he beats his time from last year. He is going to donate the money to the CF Ward (Ward 6J, St James Hospital, Leeds) that look after me. Because of this there is no just giving page, if anyone would like to pledge to sponsor him please let me know either on here or facebook etc. We would both really appreciate it! He has some new trainers to hopefully run faster and is training ever so hard, he ran home from work last week! Thanks in advance!

Summertime

Well I must admit I am totally confused by how many enzymes I need to take with food! I have not moved over to Nutrizym 22 yet but have been experimenting with Nutrizym 10. I am not taking any with breakfast or lunch and only two with my evening meal and 4 with a really fatty meal such as takeaway. Yesterday I went to the cinema and ate about 2/3's of a large popcorn and two small milky ways (well Lidl's version of them!) and only had one tablet. I seem to be more regular and less bloated! I need to speak with the dietitian at my next outpatients appointment as I am so confused, i'm not sure what I should be looking for in my stools (gross I know). I used to get belly ache and horrible stools if I didn't take my tablets, is it possible to become more pancreatic sufficient as you get older!? I think they need to test me or I need to confirm what I should be looking out for. It's really weird eating and not taking any tablets, I keep getting them out of the drawer automatically! My weight is going up if anything as I am just hungry all the time, it's driving my insane, I don't know if this is linked to me not taking my enzymes. Food just tastes so good at the moment!

I'm really stable at the moment and feeling good. Don't get me wrong I still have CF and have serious lung infections and lung damage and my energy levels are not the same as someone without CF, I still cough lots and get breathless and have to do loads of treatment every day. Yesterday in the cinema I was coughing loads and was worried I was annoying everyone, I was scared I'd even coughed a greeny on my hand (I hadn't thankfully!), so I still have to deal with crap like that on a daily basis. I'm saying this because some people seem to think that when I say I'm feeling good I am as healthy as a normal person, no not at all, one can only dream... However, I am good for me, but if a healthy person felt like me they'd probably be curled up in bed whining.

I have been to the gym four times a week the past two weeks. Can you believe that?! Yoga once a week and gyming it three times, I swear if I ever have a transplant and have normal energy levels I'm not going to be able to sit still because even now if I feel good I feel I need to be doing stuff to keep that way. Obviously my gym sessions are not anything to shout about, there was a small child next to me on Thursday who was going faster on the cross trainer than me but I'm beating my personal bests if you can call them that, so I'm proud and happy with myself.

I feel like life is how it should be at the moment, I wake up on a morning and rather than dreading the day and figuring out how I'll manage to get through it, I can wake up and look forward to the day. Summertime is definitely the best time of year even if we are in England and it rains for most of it!

My Clever Little Alfie

I feel like I have neglected Alfie for a while on my blog so here are some videos of him doing stay, recall and stop. He is really good at obedience and training whatever his other faults may be. Love him so much!