Still Here!

Boo! Don't worry I am still alive!

I ended up going on my IVs and I am on day 7 today. I am on Mero and Tob and the nurse came to see me today to do the usual shenanigans , weight is 54.2kg so working its way up, sats were 92%, yikes! They always seem to be in the low 90's these days, no explanation has been provided. My fev1 when I started IVs was 43% so not really low but the doctor felt that if I felt I was not feeling my best and slipping I should start some IVs pronto rather than wait and need them in a few weeks anyway.

These IVs suck big time, I am sick of getting pissing headaches and I'm sick of all around my eyes being red raw. I'm sick of having bowl problems and I'm sick of wanting to just sit around and do nothing because IVs claw at my soul and make me in to a self pitying fool with no energy. The doctor told me to take is easy and rest so that's what I am trying to which involves watching stuff I have recorded on our new sky+ box (yeay we have sky!) and watching lots of naked, fit men in Spartacus... This programme makes me think I should be going to the gym and I have been once this week, better than the last three weeks when I went zero times! I will get a toned belly, I will get a toned belly...! :o) I can't complain, the daily debate in my head seems to be 'who is the fittest? New Spartacus, old Spartacus, Crixus or Gannicus?', I still can't decide!

Other debates in my head are 'should I go the gym?', 'should I get out of bed?' 'will it ever stop raining so I can walk Alfie?', 'should I make myself eat something?'. Other thoughts in my head 'sh!t I forgot to get my IVs out of the fridge!', 'go away headache I hate you!', 'why is so much of my hair falling out?', 'has anyone played on Draw Something on Petes phone?'.

I'm going to tell you something and you won't believe me but it's true! The prescription clerk at my GP's agreed to write me a prescription to be ready for Tuesday when I only asked for it on the Monday. She broke the rules and did not make me wait three days for a prescription! I told her I had run out (which was true) and needed the medication and she sorted it for me, it's seriously a medical marvel!

Pete went to Scotland sailing last week and I was all alone. I actually enjoyed it the first few days, I have always been abit of a loner, enjoying my own company. I could eat when I wanted, watch what I wanted, spend all day talking to Alfie and I didn't have to wear earplugs in bed with the snorer away from home. No wait... one of the snorers was away from home, Alfie was still here, although he can be put in his basket when I fancy it. I went to my mums for tea twice and had a friend stay over one evening after we had a Spartacus night, yes I have introduced her to Spartacus and now she is in love too. Towards the end of the week I did start to get lonely and miss my hubby even though we spoke everyday, also very tired since I needed IVs and had to do a lot of things myself which Pete usually does. I managed to put the wheely bin out but getting it back up the drive was a big no, so had to leave that for Pete on his return. I had a few ready meals, had to empty the dishwasher myself and had to get the ironing board out and put it away which I hate. Glad my darling husband is home now though as I did miss him lots! He hurt his thumb by getting it stuck in a rope when the boat was moving, not the best thing he's ever done! It's all bruised and sore but luckily not broken. He is temporarily suspended from doing my IVs as he was caught yesterday wiping his nose on his hand then carrying on preparing them, when questioned he told me 'it will be alright'! This is not alright since its all supposed to be sterile, so although I appreciate him doing them for me, I won't appreciate it if I get an infected port, so I think I need to keep an eye on him next time!

Aftermath of a Busy Weekend

Last week I thought I was starting with a cold/virusy thing, it didn't help that I drank out of my friends cup by mistake who had a cold, talk about being stupid! I went a little crazy with the vicks first defence but if it works who cares?! I keep getting headaches, its basically when I do anything that makes me cough, get breathless or tired, so walking Alfie, coughing in general, doing my physio (every single time!), getting a shower, doing anything! I've had a headache for 80% of the time the last week or so. The back of my neck is sore a lot as well, I think this may be linked to the headaches but not sure. My chest is feeling tighter, my sputum is thicker and more often and I'm tiring a lot more easily than usual. It might just be general CF crappiness, I'm bored of trying to figure out how to stop feeling ill, as whatever I do it still happens and whatever the cause I don't feel great.

This weekend we went to a surrogacy conference in Stafford, we stayed over the Friday and Saturday night. I feel shattered! Pete had to do my physio for me yesterday and he has been washing all my nebs, he also cooked tea and I had to follow him when driving (we had to go in two cars) as I was too tired to even think where to go. After living together for so many years Pete seems to have some kind of sensor as to when I need more help and he just does it without moaning, he really is wonderful. I guess our relationship wouldn't work if I had to ask him all the time and he made a fuss about it like some men would, I think I got very lucky to end up with him as a husband.

I'm upset as I was feeling so well and now I'm sat in my tracksuit bottoms (they are like my comfort blanket!) and can't even be bothered to make any lunch as I'm not hungry so it's not worth the effort, I'm just having an ensure plus instead. I'm hoping if I rest today I will feel better tomorrow. I wish this headache would go, they are so debilitating. Only five weeks since I had IVs so I'm hoping some rest will sort me out.

We had a great weekend though and I'll talk about it more on my other blog when I get around to doing it. This is what so annoying about CF though, to those people who met me at the weekend I probably seemed perfectly fine which is good in a way, however then people like myself are judged and assumed to be able to do everything others can do and people make assumptions about whether we can work (seems to be the newspapers hot topic at the minute), are we even disabled? They don't see the aftermath, struggles and in-between the lines. Sometimes I like this about my disability as I can try pass as a perfectly healthy person (with a bad cough!) and not be treated differently, but other times I don't like it as I feel people judge me on what they only see and they don't understand my disability and how difficult it is to live with.