Wee, Blood and Poo plus Other Things Too..!

I can't believe I finished my IVs over a week ago and haven't updated on here, bad Gemma!

Finished my IV's last Monday, my lung function was up slightly at 43% although it was all a mess really. When I started my IVs my lung function was 38% but then when I ended IVs the figures didn't match and the physio discovered that when I started my IVs I'd been put into the system as male! Males should hold more air in their lungs than females so when my percentage was worked out, it was lower than it actually was, it was in fact 41% at the start of my IVs.

I had lots of blood taken as they did my annual blood assessments. I had to fast from 9pm the night before, why when you can't eat do you want to eat everything?! They took about 30 tubes of blood, they test for everything such as if my blood clots properly, my vitamin levels, iron levels etc. So that was needle number one in my arm (they can't take the blood from my port for some reason). I then had to drink a pint of the one of the worst drinks in the world, its basically glucose and it makes me want to be sick. Even worse you have to drink it within 5 minutes, just thinking about it is making me feel sick! Then you wait an hour and they take some blood from you. So this was needle number two, apart from the vein wouldn't bled back so she had to try somewhere else, so that's needle number 3 and in my wrist which is nice and boney so not the most pleasant place for blood taking. Then you wait another hour and they take some more blood, so needle number 4 in my other wrist. Needles don't even bother me that much anymore to be honest, the little ones for blood are only a prick, I don't even mind big ones that much if they are going in my arm, there are worse things in life. I'm not sure how I'd feel about having needles in other areas though! After this blood test, you can finally eat!! This test is to check you are not diabetic, its called a glucose tolerance test and I got my letter today to say it came back fine and I don't need to be tested for another year. Yeay! I also had a bone scan whilst on my IVs and I got a letter the other day saying my bone density has slightly improved since my last scan, so that's good news!

I also had a chat with the Doctor about my bladder problems, I have two problems really. I go to the loo far too much, up to six-seven times during the night and many more during the day. I also have stress incontinence, this is a polite way of saying I sometimes wee when I am coughing hard. It's not nice, its embarrassing, even talking about it to a physio and doctor, I think that's why they have a nice name for it! It's very common in CF though and they have started asking patients about it more often as they know they are too embarrassed to bring it up. The doctor is not sure if my two problems are related or not, if I have stress incontinence this means I go to the toilet often to try prevent it, so before I do my physio, before I go out anywhere etc. This could mean my bladder has reduced in size and therefore I need to go to the toilet more often. The stress incontinence could also be irritating my bladder. Or I could have a bladder problem that I need to see a specialist about.

I have a leaflet with some exercises to do, that was fun practising doing them with the physio...! They are exercises to try and strengthen my pelvic floor muscles, so that when I cough I won't have a problem! If they don't help then they will refer me to a specialist. However now I know I should be going to the toilet less, I have been doing so and I think I am already improving slightly. I keep forgetting to do the exercises but try to remember, 4-6 times a day is a lot to remember amongst everything else!

Here are the exercises for those of you too afraid to ask your CF team!

Type 1 -Basic exercise, can be done in any position

-Squeeze around the back passage as if trying to stop wind escaping, at the same time squeeze in front as if trying to stop the flow of urine
-You should feel a squeeze and lift, a drawing feeling inside - this is a pelvic floor contraction
-Hold this squeeze and lift for a few seconds (up top 10) then relax, repeat a few times (up to 10)

Type 2 - Quick contraction

-Do the same squeeze and lift, but relax immediately
-Allow a few seconds for the muscle to relax completely then repeat up to 10 times

You must do both types 4-6 times a day.

Do not exercise by stopping the flow of urine in midstream; this can affect the normal working of the bladder.

Bladder Advice - Aim to empty your bladder no more than 7 times during the day and once at night, avoid going to the toilet 'just in case'

Since I finished my IVs I haven't felt back to my normal self to be honest, I'm still tired and very breathless at times. Yesterday was terrible, however I have had some problems with my nebuliser as the company are idiots and don't send me disks in time (that you need for the I-neb to work) and I have had to miss my nebulisers. Luckily a CF friend saved me (thanks Woody!) and posted me a disk to keep me going and I now have the disks from the company after ringing up and having a 'talk' with them. I also still have constipation, I've had it on and off now for about 4 weeks. I can't seem to shift it (literally haha), every time I reduce my movicol dose to my usual dose it comes back and I have to up my dose again. I don't think this is helping with how I feel as it makes you feel so sluggish and bloated and even sick at times. I think I'm going to have a higher dose for another week and then try and reduce it slowly again. I can't decide if it's worse to become reliant on movicol or to become blocked up!

I went swimming last week and managed 22 lengths, so was pleased with myself. But haven't felt up to it this week, I'll go to yoga tomorrow and hopefully next week I'll feel up to swimming again!

Sorry if this post has being too informative about particular areas, but at the end of the day this is a CF blog and people with CF have problems with practically every part of their body. Most of these issues are not suitable for small talk... if you don't have CF and are reading this, be grateful it's not you who has to describe your poo to a doctor, talk about your toilet habits with them or inspect your sputum with the physio. For people with CF it's quite normal and required, so I guess we become accustomed to it!

Red Nose Day

I'm IV free! Wahoo! I swear this time around it has felt like they have lasted forever and I don't think I could have done another week!

I'm not sure what my lung function is as the physio gave me it in litres rather than a percentage, she said my fev1 was about the same, to me its either the same or not! Even a 1% increase is an improvement! She also said my fvc was up quite abit, again, not idea what 'abit' is! My sats are now sitting at 98-99% which is brilliant, they aren't that high very often!

I am feeling alot better, not as breathless or chesty and I wanted to come off the damn IV's and the Doctor had no concerns so wahoo! I've also been given some gel to put in my eyes to help lubricate them and some anti histamines, I asked for to cream to get rid of the dry skin and itchiness but I wasn't allowed! The Doctor thinks it's an allergy problem, I have to ring back if this stuff doesn't work. The Doctor also said to not wear my contact lenses for a week, yeah right! As if I am going to spend a week wearing my ugly glasses! The leaflet for the eye gel says to not wear contacts for 30 minutes after putting it in, so that is what I've been doing and wearing my glasses when at home. That's as far as I will go!

I started yoga again on Monday, it's so good to get back in to the swing of things. I'm going to try start swimming again now that it's getting warmer and lighter, it seems to give me the motivation to do it!

Our shower is driving me crazy, my first shower of two weeks was very disappointing...! Their is a leak in the pipe and also the thing you lift on the tap to make water come out of the shower rather than the bath taps, isn't working properly. So basically when you get a shower the pressure is pathetic as their is water spraying out of the pipe and leaking out of the tap. Pete and I's DIY skills are poor so I am dreading out attempts to fix this problem!

I'm going out for a meal with my friends tonight so should be good as there are a few things I want to get off my chest and get opinions on as well as catch up with them! Then tomorrow night I am volunteering to take calls for Red Nose Day! I think I will be one of the people you speak to if you ring up to donate money, not really sure! My friend works for British Gas and their call centre is taking some of the calls and he was asking friends and family to help out, so I though, why not? Wish me luck!

Not Much To Say!

I'm feeling alot better this week, just been taking it easy really.

I went swimming last Friday and only managed 16 lengths, I was just coughing so much I gave in, in the end. I went again last night and did 18 lengths with the same problem. I think I need to make sure I do my evening physio before I go, so there isn't as much moving around on my lungs.

I rang the gym on Monday morning at 7.30am to book myself in yoga and it was fully booked! The gym annoys me so much sometimes, they keep accepting new members but then don't put on any extra classes! So now I am going to try to go to Friday mornings class this week, as Monday and Friday are the only classes with the yoga teacher I like. My brothers girlfriend works at the gym so she is going to put my name on the list tonight, sneaky!

We are having a Halloween party this year so I'm stocking up on scary props, one involves a big, furry spider that I'm going to hide somewhere to shock people, hehe I'm so evil. I'm hopefully going to dress at the girl from the Grudge, I'll be too scared to look in the mirror if I get it right!

Sorry this a boring post, I don't seem to have much to say!

Treatment Regime

I'm feeling better this week although I'm still having problems sleeping. I don't know what it is really but I'm having crazy dreams and waking up every 1-2 hours and every time I wake up I have to go to the toilet, that's just a thing with me, if I wake up, must make a visit to the bathroom. I don't know if I wake up because I need the toilet or its some compulsive thing I have! Anyway.... I'm still sweating but not because I'm warm and I can hear weird noises in my chest which isn't helped by the fact I have to use ear earplugs. I didn't wake up until 12 on Sunday and then it's been about 9.30 the other days, I have to be careful though because you can fall into a pattern of getting up late all the time and end up going to bed late, then before you know it your whole sleeping pattern is messed up!

I went to Yoga this Monday as usual and I didn't struggle as much this week, so maybe this is a sign my chest is slightly better? Or the class was easy, who knows! I really need to get back into swimming, I didn't go last week as I didn't feel up to it but I'm determined to go tomorrow, no excuses! If I don't go, tell me off!

I've altered my physio/neb regime as for the past few weeks it's hasn't been working for me. I usually do my saline before my evening physio, then my pulmozyme after, then tobi before I go to bed. However sometimes I don't do my physio until 9pm, then the pulmozyme is afterwards so say 9.30pm, which means then I can't do my tobi until after 10.30pm as there has to be at least an hours gap. Well we usually go to bed about 10-10.30pm so it was causing problems! Also if I do my physio too early in the evening I find my chest is full again by the time I go to bed, so doing it later is better.
So instead I am now doing my pulmozyme at about 6-7pm then my saline and physio an hour later or more later (you have to leave an hour after doing pulmozyme before you can do physio to let it work), then I can do my tobi straight after my physio. So now my physio regime is like this:

AM
(whatever time I get up) Saline then physio then tobi

PM
6-7pm Pulmozyme
8-9pm Saline then physio then tobi

I swear it is seriously starting to feel like a military regime, there is so much stuff to do and think about. The good thing about this new regime is that is gets everything out of the way if I'm going out somewhere, like on Saturday with my old regime I would have had to do my Tobi neb when I got in from my night out. But this way I got it all done before I went out as I did it at around 5-6pm, I don't know why I've never done it before really!

Shattered

So the last few days I seem to have been quite busy and now I am feeling shattered. These are the type of things I have been up to:

Growing a major concern for a increasing bald patch in my hair just above my left temple!
Battling with a coldsore right in the corner of my lip, it hurts so much!
Also battling with bad skin on my face, hello spots and greasy skin! Not good!
Also still battling with a cold and giving it to Pete in the process
Getting my hair done (this is when I spotted the bald patch)
Going shopping
Ordering some curtains for our new home
Going to the bank to transfer our deposit for the bungalow
Visiting the inlaws
Helping at my mums barber shop
Going to Yoga and bruising my hip
Going swimming and doing 24 lengths again which I'm rather proud of
Developed a fondness for porridge with golden syrup in
Doing voluntary work and getting a certificate for 3 years service (its actually 4 years but they had to give me 3 for some reason that I can't remember!)
Other stuff I am too tired to try remember

We won't be completing on our bungalow this week unfortunately. There was a problem with the house the vendors are moving to, so hopefully it will be next week. Can't wait!

Anyway thats it folks...! I know this is the most boring blog ever..... but I want to go to sleep!

Please fill in my new poll, I am determined to prove to Pete I am not weird!

Exercise Queen

Yesterday I took Alfie and Murphy for a nice walk, when the sun was shining through the windows for the first time in god knows how long it was a sign that I must venture outside!

Surprisingly it wasn't that busy so they could go off their leads for awhile, they were running around like spring chickens bless them and were every well behaved. Alfie tried to chase some ducks but they got away, no duck for dinner then!

Near the end of our walk we bumped into another lady with two chihuahuas, one looked exactly like Alfie had done when he was about 5 months old. Kind of skinny and scrawny looking as the fur hasn't grown long yet

Hello Big Ears!

This puppy just started yapping and would not shut up (and the resemblance to Alfie grows even more), Murphy and particularly Alfie had no idea what to make of it. At this point Alfie would usually be barking and growing back, but he wasn't! He must have been confused that this dog was smaller than him and making more noise! Infact when I gave Valentino (the puppies name) some treats, Alfie attempted to sniff him! Seriously this is a miracle! I hope I bump into them again as we might be able to use each other to socialise our dogs.

I also went swimming last night and did 24 lengths in 30 minutes. This is the most lengths I have done in awhile, I admit I did feel abit sick at one point because I was out of breathe but I kept going and it soon went. I was swimming next to this woman and kept overtaking her to make me feel good about myself, sad I know but it kept me entertained as swimming is so boring and such hard work! Aiming for 26 lengths next week then add another 2 the week after etc.

With any luck my lung function will have stayed stable when I go to outpatients next week!

RIP Mobile Phone

Since I got back from our Honeymoon I have had a headache every day, not necessarily a full blown one but a definite ache there constantly. As you can imagine this is not very nice and I am getting annoyed at it. It's mainly on a morning and it gets worse when I have a coughing episode, for example last night I was doing my physio and the right side of my head felt like it was going to pop everytime I coughed.
I took some books back to the library the other day and the two second walk it took from the car to the library made me cough alot and then voila I got a splitting headache, all from retuning a few books!

Enough is enough, when 2 cocodamol and 2 ibuprofen are not shifting the pain, intervention is required! So I called the hospital on Monday, I had been putting it off as I don't want to end up on IV's which is my dread everytime I dial that number! I spoke to the nurse and asked her if she could send me a prescription for doxy... whatever its called (my medical vocabulary is amazing I tell you...!), surprisingly she said if the doctor said it was OK then that was fine. Wahoo! I didn't even have to go see them! So I am just waiting to receive that and then hopefully it will help stop the headaches as I am assuming it is infection and inflammation in my sinuses.

I have had to buy a new mobile phone as mine decided to start dying on Saturday. It was teasing me and flashing on and off, my poor mobile, I'd hoped it would survive forever but alas its days are over. I had hoped I could buy the same one. This is a sign of me getting old! I can't be bothering learning new functions on a new mobile and my lovely Samsung D800 does everything I require of it. But no, they don't seem to do it anymore and somehow I have ended up buying a touchscreen mobile which I swore I wouldn't do as Pete has one and I can't use it! I know exactly what happened, it was pink, what more can I say...? So since last night I am the owner of a pink Samsung (I kept with the same make to make my transition easier) tocco lite. We will see how it goes, I can see it been a love - hate relationship!
Does anyone else hate having to transfer all your numbers, photos etc to the new phone? I do! I spent all last night doing it, this is part of the reason I put off getting a new phone for so long!

Alfie started his dog training classes again last week, he did very well. There are some massive dogs in this class, like one of those Akita's and a very bouncy Labrador. Despite been surrounded by giants... Alfie did well for his first session, we are starting clicker training this week. Apparently Chihuahua's don't always take to it (why am I not surprised), so we will see how it goes!
Alfie hurt his back leg again on Monday so I was the owner of a hopping, three legged dog for the day. I was going to video it but felt cruel! He is much improved now, he is not screaming anymore when I try touch the offending leg and he is walking normally again, so I think he just pulled or twisted a muscle. I did spend most of Monday holding one of those heat up rice bag thingys to his leg, that dog doesn't realise how lucky he is to have such a caring owner!

I've started back at the gym after a month of not going! I am planning to join yoga as someone on the CF forum said it can help with your lungs. So my plan is... gym on a Monday, swimming on a Wednesday and yoga on a Friday. We will see how I go!

Petes Stag Weekend Shenanigans!

Some pictures from Pete's stag weekend in Spain. Yes that is Peter dressed as a sailor girl and yes that is everyone with Pete masks on in Hawaii outfits. You are lucky I haven't subjected you to the picture of him in a mankini!

This week I went for my final dress fitting, its fits me perfectly now (it was a size 14 to start with!). We also met up with the venue to go through all the food, drink, timings, table plans etc. So stressful, here's some advice. Don't get married when your parents are in the middle of a divorce, I swear I might strangle them both at this rate! To add to the stress Pete and I seem to be quite skint at the moment so we have been putting off going food shopping and using everything in the cupboards and freezer, the result has been I have had to use my imagination alot to conjure things up for tea! I cooked a risotto last night so at least I am using some of my cooking skills!

The cleaner came on Tuesday and when I got home the flat was so tidy, I didn't realise it could look so clean and tidy! She moved some stuff around which was abit annoying at first but I've got used to their new places now.

Took Alfie for a walk on Wednesday and had to carry him back as I think he stood on a nettle and was just standing there, paw in the air, looking at me with a sorry expression. I then took him for a walk on Thursday with my brother and Murphy and we went up into the woods away from everyone around the lake (school holidays = busy) so they could go off their leads. It was damn hard work walking up the hill though!

Went swimming today and it was such hard work, I managed 22 lengths but I was so out of breathe that when I got out of the pool I nearly fell over! Need to get back into the routine as I have been slacking lately!

4 weeks today until the wedding! Ekkk!

Evilness of the Chest

Lidl is ace!

I just went to get a few bits and bobs and it only came to £5 and a few pence.

I got:

Some garlic and coriander nan breads

Tikka Massalla Sauce

Onion Bahjis and Samosas (guess what we are having for tea tonight...?)

Kingsmill bread

Pitta breads

Spready cheese

chicken with herbs (for in sandwiches)

Not bad ey?!

My chest is been an arse this week and that's me been nice. I keep getting pains, then my lung felt like it had unstuck its self from my rib when I was driving Wednesday morning, it was not pleasant and it hurt. When I lay in bed it feels like there is a weight on my chest and then today I have been finding it harder to breathe. I'm not gasping for breath or anything but I am aware of my breathing which is always a sign I am struggling abit and feel like I've just done something to make me catch me breath when infact I am sat doing nothing atall. I have even had to put my acapella on a lower resistance as I can't seem to blow into it hard enough, I've lost my puff!! Nooo!!

So anyway I have done some salbutamol through my I-neb, I kind of guessed how much I needed. I estimated half of the neb as that's how much you use for dnase and tobi and its how much salbutamol I used to use when I mixed it with promixin. I did it though my chamber I use for dnase. Anyway now I feel all shaky as it tends to do that, and my chest feels no different. So load of good that was!

It could be the weather, or maybe my chest is recovering from all the walking when we were in London plus I did get very warm. I am also blaming myself because I didn't do my physio or nebs on Monday night as we didn't get home until half 10 and I was way too tired and just went to bed. But surely missing one lot isn't going to make a massive difference?!

I am also coughing up sticky sputum, the kind that hangs from your mouth as half of it is still stuck in your throat. Yes it is lovely.... and I seem to be spending alot of time over the kitchen sink! I'm not calling my cf team, I shall see how it goes over the weekend. I have a feeling this will pass so not going to kick up a fuss, I'm sure I shall live!

Anyway putting all this aside I decided to go swimming this morning since I have not been in awhile, I have been abit naughty with my exercise regime the past few weeks. The first few laps I usually struggle then I'm ok, today it took about 15 laps before I stopped coughing my guts up, I was seriously ready to give in. At least people kept out of my way in the pool which can only be a good thing! I managed 24 laps in the end which wasn't bad.

I've not really done much this week, just been sat in the front room appreciating the rays! I did go cruising with my roof down to JTF which is this wholesalers. I bought some photo frames as I am putting some photos up of Henry and his wives (that I got on my trip) above Alfie's basket, Alfie is a big fan too.....!! hehe. I bought a few other bits and bobs, its one of those places you go and buy stuff you didn't even realise you needed. For example I bought some marshmallows, who knew I would need some of those? I have been doing quite alot of napping too, I blame the heat! Not that I'm moaning about it, I love the sun. Its cheers everyone up! Don't be thinking I'm lazy though, I did a load of cleaning yesterday!

Here's a picture of my mini in her element i.e. with the roof down. Isn't she pretty? :o)

I doing my presentation on Monday about CF, wish me luck! I'm very nervous!

I am Invincible

Poor Vicky is still in hospital, I'm not going to go into all the details but things are really tough for her. It just seems to be one thing after another, she has been in there over 6 months now. Poor little lady, thinking of you Vicky!

Call me selfish but when these bad things happen to others with CF it makes you think about your own CF. I don't like to think of myself as having CF, I know I have it and jeez I'm reminded everyday from all the treatments and feeling like rubbish but I see that as just been me and not really fitting into a category. For me, not doing these things would be great but also abit weird!

When terrible things happen to others with CF it kind of doesn't sink in that this could happen to me, somehow I see myself as different. I don't see myself as special or better, I don't think it's denial as I don't deny I have CF and I know it's going to happen to me at some point, although I hope it's no time soon.

A girl called Laura from the CF forums passed away the other day, I didn't even know she was that ill. Is that because she didn't know herself? Was she like me and though it would work out? I'm always quite positive and think I'd push through if my health went downhill. Although I am an ill person I don't actually see myself as ill, I see myself as me with a few (well alot) of extra needs and problems :o)

I don't feel scared or worried, I feel like everything will be OK for me. How can I feel like this when people I know pass away and are poorly? I think I would be scared if one of my very close CF friends passed away as I think they see things like I do, think they are invincible. But thinking that doesn't mean that you are, and that might hit me if one of them left me.

Sometimes my attitude scares me, people keep saying maybe I shouldn't get pregnant as it could seriously make me ill or even kill me, even the doctor has warned me. However these comments seem to go unnoticed in my mind and I think to myself, I'll be OK, it will be worth it. Don't worry I'm not trying to get pregnant at this moment in time, don't want my mother ringing me up! Come on people I shall do it properly and be married first!! haha.

So to conclude, I think I am invincible, I will be OK. This is how I go about my daily business without crumpling into a ball and crying. When I do die I shall remind myself of this blog entry and it will make me laugh!!!


I have started attempting to do my physio three times a day, this is easier said than done! I am coughing up so much sputum and its really sticky and thick, I feel so full of the stuff its the only option I can think of. But like I say easier said than done, it's hard to fit it in if you have things planned and it's hard to force yourself to do it because as you can imagine it is not the most enjoyable of activities I can do on a daily basis!!

I went swimming on Monday night, first time in three weeks. Yes yes I know I am naughty! Pete has now joined the gym too and he was watching me as the treadmills over look the swimming pool. Therefore I had to look cool and like I knew what I was doing, this must have brought out a competitive streak in me and I was racing other swimmers. Yes you read that correctly. Needless to say my legs felt like jelly by the end, I still managed 30 lengths though so I was pretty impressed. I did manage to leave my swimming cap there so I'll have to buy a new one as I assume someone will have nicked it, goodbye rainbow coloured swimming cap! I'll miss you!

As well as discovering I can swim faster than about 2 other people (haha) I have discovered I can still run, but only for about 5 seconds before collapsing. The dogs on their walk decided to run to the car in the carpark across the field so I panicked as it is close to the road and legged it after them. I suspected that they may have seen another dog which is code red situation with a road close by! They are evil dogs that want to kill me, however when I got there they were both sat by the car waiting to get in. Evil for making me run.... but good and clever doggies for sitting by the car :o)

Ducklings!

Ive taken Alfie for a few walks over the past few days and went around the lake nearby. Its really amazing at the moment, the ground under the trees is covered with this purple/blue flower and it looks really pretty. Then there are ducklings and birds sat on nests all over the lake. One bird's nest is directly under the bridge so you can see the chicks up close, my friend and I were stood there for ages just watching as it's fascinating. She had three chicks and at first we thought she only had two because she was sat on the other two, then another bird (the dad I assume) was bringing them some food and the chicks were swimming over to him and making little noises as he fed them.

Then further down the bridge there is a small waterfall that goes under the bridge into a small stream. On the ridge of the waterfall were eight ducklings and their mother stood at the top, the ducklings couldn't get over the ridge but they didn't seem distressed and the water is too weak to push them down the waterfall. They were there on Thursday and still there on Sunday, there is a little gap which they seemed to sit in to get away from the water.

I have also been to the gym which was so warm I only managed 10 minutes on the treadmill and i was sweating loads so gave it up as a bad job. I hope they have air con they put on in the summer else I don't think I will be able to go there, since it's already getting warm. I've also been swimming and was coughing loads, the lifeguard asked me if I was ok and then was watching me for the rest of the time. How embarrassing! I only managed 20 lengths as my chest felt really tight and I though I was going to sink (so perhaps a good job the lifeguard was watching me!).

I have been feeling so tired, I've been sleeping like a log straight through the night, not waking up once, feeling quite zombish the rest of the time. I think my body is exhausted. Quite alot of stuff has been going on with my family which has stressed me out so that probably isn't helping.

I got my eyebrows waxed on Friday (wahoo!), hardly hurt, I must just be immune to pain :o) I have also finished the final Twilight book, I must say I was very disappointed with the end. I think the author lost track of the overall feelings of the books and the characters and she got carried away, leaving everything behind that I love about the books, it all felt abit rushed.

Very Happy Gemma ! ! !

Hello it's only me!!

I am feeling so well at the moment and I'm afraid this means I am neglecting my blog and online friends abit. I have so much energy compared to normal so I seem to be doing more and I have also been reading the book Twilight, which if you have ever read then you will know it is obsessive and you simply cannot put the book down without feeling extremely miserable. I finished it today and shall be moving onto the next one (New Moon) tomorrow. I must admit, Stephenie Meyers has a way of making every girls heart melt and fall in love with Edward Cullen, I don't think anyone can read this book and deny they find themselves thinking about him the rest of the day and compare things to him. I have even found myself irritated at Pete at times because he doesn't live up to the perfect Edward. If you thought Edward was perfect in the film Twilight, try reading the book, I have even been dreaming about him, it's one hell of a crush! For anyone who has not read Twilight or seen the film, Edward it a vampire that falls in love with a seemingly quite boring, miserable girl. However Stephenie makes this 'dull' girl very interesting and beautiful, it's such a fantastic example of how beauty lies within and the brazen, loud girls are not always the ones that boys are intrigued in and want to chase. I also love the way that Stephenie makes pale complexions seem so attractive and pure. It has definitely made me rethink about my pale skin and I now feel quite proud to have 'porcelain' skin!

So yes, I am in love with a fictional character, don't laugh because if you read that book I think you will feel exactly the same (unless you are a man, I don't know about that....). Edward is the perfect gentlemen he wants to protect Bella, he listens to her. Some would argue it is quite anti feminist since he watches her in her sleep and follows her without her knowing, orders her what to do on occasions, rescues her and he is the ultimate bad boy but yet she loves him. Ladies you can't deny it, we all want to be swept off our feet and looked after by a drop dead gorgeous and strong man who is obsessed with us and notices no other woman, the way that he smells Bella and appreciates every small part of her is just skin tingling. Its so intense, obviously a relationship like this in the real world could never work and I sometimes have to remind myself that, but I can dream right?! Anyway enough of Edward Cullen.....

Other things I have been upto apart from drooling over a vampire that doesn't exist...

I did some gardening on Sunday, I planed some bulbs whilst Pete mowed the lawn. Some bulbs did not actually look like bulbs and I wasn't sure what to do with them. They were all stringy with no obvious top and bottom, so I put them in and hoped for the best! Pete then put some lawn feed on the lawn, we bought this thing you put on your back and pump it then it sprays the feed on the grass. Pete looked like a ghostbuster with this thing on his back, it was hilarious! I also went around attacking all the weeds with the weed killer, it is strangely satisfying killing the weeds, its like a gun and I imagine myself shooting them and saying 'take that you damn dandelion!'. They are now all going brown and crispy, its great! You can't outsmart me you stupid weeds!

In the evening I went out for a curry with my friend, she is learning to drive and has her own car so she drove us there. Abit scary at first she is pretty good, just abit jerky with the starting and stopping!!

Monday I did loads of washing because It was really sunny and I read my book in the garden and got slightly sun burnt. I forgot that voriconazole makes you burn easily! I had an incident where Alfie escaped into next doors garden as the woman next to that garden has a dog and Alfie seems determined to get to it! As soon as he came back in our garden he gave away his secret escape hole as he tried to escape through it again, the smallest gap ever! I've put a brick there now so he can't escape anymore, sorry Alf! I've been walking Alfie nearly everyday, like I say I feel so well so I am making the most of it, I even did 30 lengths as the swimming pool on Friday which is apparently half a mile!!

Today Pete made my day, he bought me a present! He has bought me book on Henry the 8th so I can 'impress' him on our trip to London in June. Can't wait to read it, all these books! When only last week I was saying I didn't have any! Between my books and my story I'm writing, plus my walks etc I am a busy and very happy girl! To make my life even more fun, my mum and I are taking the dogs to start their training classes tomorrow night, exciting! ! !

Double Dating

Last night Pete and I went out on a double date with my friend and her boyfriend. I was rushing around to get ready and fit my physio in etc after working at the shop as we were meeting them at 6.30. However we got there in time even though I pointed out a parking space to Pete and he drove straight past it and ignored me! He thought he saw another space but it was taken by a micra hiding to try trick you, you know the type! So then we had to drive all around again because of the stupid one way system, luckily it was still empty. We went to the comedy club and then for a curry afterwards.

I felt such an pain because I couldn't walk all the way to the curry place even though it's only like a 10 minute walk, we walked to the car (about a 5 minute walk if that) and by the time we got there I was coughing loads and was breathless and my friend said the place was only down the road but it was about another 5 minute walk and I said I couldn't do it. It's embarrassing coughing so much infront of everyone out around town on a Saturday night and I was tipsy, and excessive coughing and too much alcohol is not a good combination, the result could be being sick in public, not great! So my friend and her boyfriend walked there and Pete drove us two there and then we spent ages trying to get a parking space close by. Like I said, I feel a pain for causing such a fuss. It was bad enough Pete offered to drive (so couldn't drink) so we didn't have to get the train or anything, I just couldn't face walking from the train station and waiting for one home etc. But then to make him do this, I just feel pathetic. He's so sweet offering to drive though so I could drink, he said it was my friend we were out with so I should be able to drink. I can't wait until the weather gets warmer and then hopefully I won't have all these problems! It's OK when I'm walking Alfie as I can get wrapped up, wear suitable footwear, walk at my own pace and it's warmer through the day. But on a night out I'm wearing heels, it's colder, I have a coat on but a dress on so my my legs get cold and people always walk fast!! Also the ground isn't very flat around town so you end up walking uphill sometimes.

I have outpatients tomorrow, I think my lung function will be better. I still don't feel 100% but the tobi nebulisers definitely seem to have helped with my cough, it's not as bad as it was but still there. I've been doing well at the gym, I managed 16 minutes on the treadmill which is the most I've ever done and also 26 lengths at the swimming pool which is the most I've ever done! So wish me luck for tomorrow!!

It's a montage oh yeah!

I've been seriously bored today. I did my voluntary work in the morning and went to get my friends birthday present afterwards, I got talked into buying myself a lipstick whilst I was in bodyshop. The people who work there are specially trained I swear!! I've kind of decided I'm going to the gym tomorrow and came up with a very good reason in my head.... by the way I didn't go swimming on Monday either, I am been very naughty. I'll go to the gym tomorrow and swimming Friday, I promise! I have been doggie sitting this afternoon and its all muddy outside, so everytime the dogs go outside I have clean their paws before they come back in with babywipes as I do not want anymore paw prints on my carpet! This would be OK except they don't seem to like it and have been trying to run and leap in without me catching them, so I have mud on me instead of the carpets, I suppose that's better in a way......!?

So what have I been doing I hear you ask? Well I decided to have a mess around on that movie maker and I have done a little montage of.... me! I will probably find it the most interesting since its about... well... me! This is the case with most of these montage things people do, other people find them slightly annoying! Never mind, I shall put it up for you anyway to have a look at if you can be bothered! Pete is sooo going to take the mick out of me for doing one of these. So here it goes.. snap shots of me over the years! Plus an excellent song for good measure :o)

The results are in and....

....Pete is not a carrier of the cf gene, there is now less than 1% chance he is a carrier, hurrah! Like I said before, they only test for the most common genes. This means if we have a child there is less than 0.5% chance it will have cf, which is good news! Although clearly people with cf are the best looking around so I guess I would have to put up with an average looking child....hehe.

I did quite alot on Monday and as a result my whole body was aching in the evening, I swear I'm falling apart! I did some cleaning, took Alfie for a short walk, went to see the flower lady about my wedding flowers and went swimming. I really don't like swimming but I know it's good for me so I push myself to go. Its always busy and your constantly dodging people, although when I cough alot people tend to stay away from me which is handy, this is also a technique I use when out shopping to get people out of the way, works a treat :o)

Today I did my voluntary work, I haven't been for ages so it's nice to get back into the swing of it. I then went for my hair cutting as it needed a trim, I can't have my roots done. Apparently I get it done too often and my hair will fall out!

I got a letter form the hospital today, they send my GP and I a summary after each appointment, so this one is from the end of my iv's. It says my lung function was 46%, I couldn't remember what is was as I was too busy picking my arm at the time. I wish my stupid lung function would decide to settle in the 50%'s!!! My CRP levels are 27 which according to the letter is slightly elevated, I think CRP levels are infection levels, I assume you want it to be 0? But I guess mine are never going to be that since I always have infections! I read on the cf forum somewhere that anything below 10 is good. In my 'other notes section' I also have cf liver disease (non cirrosis) and I have osteopenia, this means my bone density is lower than normal but I don't have full blown osteoporosis (I hope!). Just abit of extra information there for you anyway! Always nice to have an update of how rubbish my body is...! :o)

I have also received our units newsletter and there was an article in there about oxygen on flights, so I have called them to book a flight test for my honeymoon in September. It said in the article that they can limit how many people have oxygen on a flight or can make you pay for it, so I want to know early if I will need it or not. I have never needed it before but you never know, especially since it's a long haul flight! I have never needed oxygen my whole life so I'd be pretty freaked out if I did need it.

Warning extremely sexy picture of me.....!

Well the time has finally arrived, here is an early Christmas present for you all, 'What is it Gemma?!' I hear you say! Well my dearest friends, it is a picture of me looking a d*ck in my swimming cap....! tada! Oh so sexy!


So as you have probably gathered I have been swimming today, it was alot better than when I went last week so my chest must be better. I did some ironing today as well, it's been sat there in the cupboard for about a month, I have no clothes left to wear so I had no choice! I also did some vacuuming, mopping and dusting. So I'm pretty tired now! I don't like cleaning, people who say they would never want a cleaner are crazy! When I'm a millionaire I am soooo getting a cleaner, um, might be waiting a long time for that!

Yesterday I went shopping again with my mum, that's all I did. After shopping I feel like what I imagine someone feels like after they have run a marathon, OK maybe that's abit dramatic....

I made a shepherds pie on Wednesday with quorn mince (because I don't eat red meat). I put the following in it, onion gravy, brown sauce, abit of hoi sin sauce, splodge of mustard and abit of reggae reggae sauce. Basically everything I could find in my fridge. I hate bland food and shepherds pie is sooo boring! Anyway it tasted OK but i hardly ate any, it was still boring and my appetite is abit off at the moment, Pete ate loads though so it must have been good.

It's so windy tonight the wheelbarrow is blowing around in the garden, I'm well scared! I'm scared it's going to blow into Alfie when he goes out to the loo or it's going to smash the window! It's seems to have stopped now so hopefully we'll survive!

stamp machine madness!!

Well it would appear people are divided on the tinsel approach, I suppose some people need to buy tinsel else it would become extinct... that would be a real shame.... hehe.

I'm still feeling tired, I haven't even been swimming yet this week. I think I'm going to force myself to go today, I'm really productive though, what happens if I cough a big greenie up when swimming? If it's really big I might feel abit sick swallowing it! But I guess I will have to! I'm not going to use the gym showers, they make me cough as they are not very warm, so I think i'll give them a miss. I must keep up with my exercising, because stopping will just make me feel worse.

I walked to the post office with Alfie on Monday (it's about a 10 minute walk max) but it was raining, note to myself, do not walk Alfie in the rain. I put his coat on but I've never seen a dog in such a mood, walking so slow! I ended up carrying him home so he was under my umbrella as he had a right face on and was walking so slow I was practically dragging him! So then I felt like some stupid chihuahua owner carrying her chihuahua in his coat like a baby, I am not a Paris Hilton wannabe, but I am a Gemma who wants to get home before Christmas with a happy dog. Whats even worse is the stupid stamp machine outside the post office would only take the exact change and a book of 2nd class stamps is £3.24, it would not even take £3.25. This meant I could only buy one book as I didn't have enough coppers to make up another 4p for the 2nd book (isn't that typical? I usually have loads of 2ps and 1ps in my purse!!) and I couldn't queue in the post office because I had Alfie with me. Argh!!!! So anyway I could only get one book and hence only half of my Christmas cards have been posted, if your lucky enough to get a Christmas card from me it's because you got one of the stamps from my book! Other cards will be posted soon!!

Here is a nice non paper Christmas card for you, I think I have already emailed it to some of you, but for the rest of you, enjoy!

http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=0212320003

ps - Vicky seems to improving abit, apparently she is up and walking, this is great news!!

Fun but exhausting weekend

Firstly I'd just like to say get well soon to one of my friends Vicky who is not doing so well at the moment, I hope you get well soon honey even if it means you have to stay in hospital for Christmas! She's a little fighter so I know she will be fine, she's on oxygen etc though so it's pretty scary, so please keep your fingers crossed for her.

I've not been feeling great myself but nothing compared to other people. I had a pretty busy week last week and didn't really get any lie ins which means I didn't get as much sleep as I need, this mixed with been on the go alot has left me feeling pretty exhausted. On Friday I went to the cinema with a friend from my old job who i haven't seen for awhile so it was good to catch up. We saw Changeling with Angelina Jolie in, I would highly recommend it, it almost had me in tears in parts and to know its based on a true story is terrible. I had my usual popcorn combo and so was satisfied with the evening as a whole :o). The film didn't finish until about 11.15 pm and it was so foggy driving home, it was pretty scary as I couldn't see at all where I was going! I didn't get to bed till about 12 because of nebs etc.

I then went to a body shop party on Saturday at my cousins so had a quick nap before I went (which meant I was late), I drank abit too much and spent too much money lol, my cousin and I went to the pub after to meet our fellas and drank abit too much more.... When I got home we watched abit of the x factor whilst I did my tobi nebuliser and I realised I had no re hydration sachets which wasn't very good as they are my saviour to prevent hang overs!

The next morning I couldn't even have a proper lie in as for some stupid reason I agreed to take the dogs for a walk with my cousin (I must have suggested this when in my drunken state) whilst the boys went to watch the football. So I had to do that and then go out for lunch with my friends which I arranged last week. So anyway by Sunday afternoon I was knackered and extremely grumpy, Pete got most of the wrath of tired Gemma to which I apologised to him the next day, he says I wasn't grumpy atall, I know he's lying...

So anyway Monday I had a nice big lie in and didn't get dressed till after lunch time. I did go swimming and did abit of vacuuming up, but that's about it. My lesson for the week is not to do so much, but it's so difficult when all these things are going on that you want to do, especially near Christmas!!

The acapella and I are not getting on so well, it hurts my cheeks! Because of the resistance I have to hold my cheeks in so they don't puff out and they are really aching and I actually have jaw ache today. I think it's also making me get a dry throat and so it's abit sore, or I'm getting a cold or coughing too much in the cold, who knows which is the cause?! So I have used the pep mask this evening and decided I need to ease the acapella in rather than dive straight in to using it all the time.

I nearly crashed my car this morning because of the ice! I reversed out of the parking space and then the car started sliding towards the other parked cars as its on a slope! I just sat there pressing my brakes wondering what the heck to do! So I put my foot down on the accelerator and there was loads of smoke coming from the back of my car and the car was not moving and then eventually it shot off, phew!!

Good, no GREAT news!!

Well clinic was an interesting one today, when I got there it seemed very busy and I was asked if I could go wait in my car as there were no rooms for me to sit in! So I was sat in my car and luckily I was sat right outside the entrance so i could see all the people coming and going. I was trying to identify who looked like they could be a cf patient or not to see who was leaving and going in. I identified people with cf were people a) on their own b) very skinny c) quite short d) coughing. The other outpatients clinic there is mainly for old people it seems so if it was a young person with an old person, i decided they did not have cf unless they looked cfish. Anyway this was an interesting game to play for the first half an hour, then I got bored. Here is my angry face

Eventually after an hour (yes an hour!) the nurse came out and told me I was next in line and after 5 minutes she came to get me. I then sat in reception for about 15 minutes (alone as only one cfer can sit in reception at a time) then I finally got a room to sit in. Anyway, this is more evidence that cross infection sucks!

Got my weight done which was 56.8kg and the oximeter which was 98%. I saw the dietitian, she didn't really have much to say since I'm perfect and am never underweight... :o). I then saw the physio to do my lung function. So I did it and he says 'I'm just going to check the machine cos it says your getting 51% which is very high for you'. I'm like 'ohhhh ok' with a big smile on my face. So he checks it and I do it again and I get 52%!! And the machine is definitely not broken! Whoope!! My lung function has gone up by 10% in a month!! This is like the highest it's been in like forever. The doctor was very impressed and asked me what my secret was and I told him I had been doing my physio twice a day and been going to the gym and he says it just shows how much of a difference it makes. I'm staying on the voriconazole for another 2 months as that is probably helping too. I can't believe it, I was hoping it was maybe 45%, but 52% is amazing! I feel like I can now achieve 60%, I'm so so happy, I can't stop smiling!!! It's so good because I've done it myself, not through iv's and stuff, ok the voriconazole has helped but I think alot of it is in my control and it's so good to know. Heres goodbye to crappy 2008 and all my iv's and low lung function and hello to 2009 which is going to be great, I'm going to make sure of it!

The doctors only concern is the pains in my chest I keep getting as I keep getting them on a daily basis but they are not too bad and don't really bother me. He says if I keep getting them to call him before my next appointment as that's not until January ,and I'll have an xray and maybe a ct scan if needed.

Peppermint oil tablets are the best!!

Well where shall i start?

First of all it's about time I revealed that my parents are splitting up. My mum told me 2 weeks ago but I guess I was hoping it wouldn't happen and was too upset about it and didn't want to talk to other people about it. My youngest brother only got told yesterday as he has just started university and came home for the weekend, so I also didn't want him finding out another way. Now its all in the open though I can mention it. At first I was gutted and was crying all the time, I couldn't imagine my parents not together. I know i'm an adult and don't even live at home anymore but that doesn't mean it's not horrible. I think I was more concerned for my parents than myself, i'm scared they will be lonely without each other and I don't want them to be sad and alone. I'm scared I won't see my dad very often, he's the kind of person that would rather keep a distance from you than actually have to talk about his feelings etc. I'm scared of how it will affect us as a family, I guess when your parents are together you can't ever imagine them not been, it's really weird. So anyway, now 2 weeks have passed I have gotten used to the idea abit and i'm trying to support my parents the best way I can. My parents house is massive (5 bedrooms) and now there is just my mum and my other brother living there (and little Murphy as well). It must be so quiet, last year there were 5 of us, then I went, then my brother to uni and now my dad. Anyway enough said, it's my parents business.

I had a pretty rubbish weekend. I got a pain under my chest on friday night, it went saturday day and then came back on the evening. It was so painful I was in agony and couldn't sleep all night. It was still there sunday so i called the hospital, I had a pretty good idea that it was trapped wind pushing on my chest as I had this a couple of years ago. The ward told me to ring my gp, before I knew it I was at the local health centre seeing a doctor. He listened to the back of my chest and said there were a few crackles (oh really...?) but no sign of infection and agreed it was trapped wind. He wrote a prescription for peppermint oil tablets (on my recommendation) and when i got to Boots he had written me a prescription for actual oil and not tablets! The pharmacist would not give me tablets (I bet my local pharmacy would have) but informed me I could just buy them so that is what I did. So anyway next time I won't bother with the doctor, I shall just buy some myself!! The pain did not go yesterday but has eased off today and almost gone. You may think I was being abit ott, but the pain was so bad I could not have put up with it for another day.

So today I have felt full of energy after my near death experience......hehe. I got my hair done in the morning, then took Alfie for a short walk and then went swimming at the gym followed by 10 minutes in the hydrotherapy pool. I feel abit of a fool at the gym as I still don't know where everything is so I walk around like an idiot, looking at signs etc.

I'm now sat with some conditioner in my hair as it needs some nourishment after its bleaching this morning. Im going to attempt to cook risotto tonight, i've never even eaten risotto before so have no idea what it should taste like.....! Then I am meeting some people I used to work with later on for a few drinks. I told you I was feeling energetic!!

I'm not sure how Toria is doing but the last update from her friend was that she still is not doing very well, Toria I really hope you pull through this and i'm thinking of you xx