Nana

Started IVs yesterday, i'm on Tobramycin and Ceftaz like usual. My lung function is down to 37%, weight is 56.8kg, not sure if that's down/up, not really interested! Got a headache yesterday and woke up with one this morning which paracetamol doesn't seem to be shifting, hoping it will settle down, really can't face having headache for 2 weeks.
I'm taking ondansetron for sickness, certirizine to try prevent me getting sore, puffy eyes and i've also started a 5 day course of aciclovir to treat a coldsore that popped up to say hello on Tuesday morning.

The nurse came from calea this morning to do my tob levels, this is to check the levels of tobramycin in my blood after the first dose, as too much tobramycin can make you loose your hearing.

Found out today that my Nana was admitted to hospital last night, she is currently having chemotherapy as she has terminal lung cancer but her platelet count is very low (it should be 150 and I think my mum said it was 39) so she is having a transfusion. It's bad enough that we know her cancer is terminal and her treatment is to give her longer, but now she might not even be able to have anymore treatment so it's very worrying, my Mum said they will find out next week. So fingers crossed the news isn't bad next week as so far my Nana hasn't had good news and I think she deserves some.

My Nana, Mum and I when we went to London for my Hen Night

Sophie gets some new and improved lungs!

Sophie received her double lung transplant yesterday! She has being living in hospital for weeks and weeks as she was too ill to come home, I'm so happy she has got her call and got those new lungs. She wasn't waiting too long either which is also great! I hope everyone who needs a transplant doesn't have to wait years to get that chance at a better life, all it needs is more people to sign up to be organ donors. I'm thinking of her lots today with a big smile on my face, however there is also that worry as the new few days will be really important, I know she is strong enough to get through them though!

Back from Sunny Greece!

Hey Everyone!

We are back from our holidays greeted by the best news ever, my friend Chantelle got her double lung transplant on Monday after only been on the list for about 8 weeks! This is how it should be for everyone and I’m so happy for her. She has a little boy and husband and I am so thrilled that once she recovers she can be the mum and wife she has longed to be. Please pray she recovers well and will be home in no time!

So yes we are back from our holidays and we had a great time!

We stayed on Pete’s parents boat, it’s a different one from last time we went, this one is bigger and abit more luxurious, hurrah! We sailed around the Ionian Islands in Greece. At first the weather wasn't too great, I was sea sick on the first day and vomited up a load of sputum into a bucket, nice! On Wednesday (I think) there was a storm including thunder and lightening and then the weather was great afterwards. One day dolphins swam by the side of the boat which was fantastic; sadly I didn't manage to get a picture!

I'm glad we only went for a week though as I find it a very tiring holiday, living on a boat is hard work and although I didn't actually help with much of the sailing what I did do, tired me out! When I say its hard work its just little things like flushing the toilet is hard as it’s a pump, and getting in and out of bed as the bed is really high up or going below and top of deck as you are constantly going up and down some steps. Then staying on top of my physio was hard work as my stuff was packed away everywhere (you cant leave thing loose on a boat as it goes everywhere when you sail if you do!) and the cabin was warm to do my physio in, plus my nebulisers took longer as they seemed to get clogged up even though I rinsed them with boiled water or bottled water.

So although it’s a fun holiday, it tires you out and after a week I ready to come home! It took a day and a half to get rid of my land sickness; this is where when you go on land you feel like the room is rocking because you are so used to being on a boat!

Just so people can get an idea of how much medication people with CF take, this is a photo of everything I had to take on holiday with me for one week. This photo doesn't include my food tablets though.

I had a problem at the airport for the first time ever with my medication. I always take all my medication in my hand luggage because if my suitcase got lost or delayed I'd be in trouble. Therefore I take all my nebuliser stuff in my bag which is liquid. I put them in a plastic bag like required, well two plastic bags as one wasn't enough and I wanted to keep them separate and the woman got funny with me saying they weren't labelled as medication and in future I needed to bring the labels for all my medication. I told her they came in big boxes and there wouldn't be room so she told me to cut the sticker off every box that the pharmacist sticks on. Have you heard anything so silly?! She then put them through a vapouriser I assume to check they weren't dangerous and insisted putting them all in one bag when I'd separated my tobi and pulmozyme from my nebusal as they needed to go back in the cool bag. As if I could keep all my medication in their original packaging, I'd need a bloody sack to carry it all! I have a letter from my doctor which she never even asked for, I know they have a job to do but its so frustrating when they are talking about something they don't know about.

If you remember I complained last year that I had some problems with suncream, well I tried banana boat and Hawaii tropic this time and they were lot better combined with my salty sweat so thanks for those suggestions!

Here is a video of photos we took. Warning! The song has ALOT of swearing in it, so if you are easily offended turn your sound down! I had to have this song though to accompany the video!

Rollarcoaster Week

What a rollarcoaster of a week!

Pete and I have been making some important decisions regarding the surrogacy and I will discuss it on my blog in due time. However I have other things that I feel are more important today.

Firstly, on Friday another CF friend was devastatingly taken from us. Nicola was not on the transplant list but was having a terrible time and had become very ill over the past year or so. I don't really know why, it was very complicated and she didn't talk about it all the time, infact the news of her death was a great shock and even though I didn't know her that well I shed a tear for her. Because it was unexpected (to me anyway) and hit me with a big dose of reality, people with CF can go downhill quicker than you think and it take lives, it doesn't care how lovely, caring and beautiful that person was. It kills them, one minute they are here and you think they will hang in there, they have to - the next minute a family member informs you they are gone. You wish you had realised they were that ill, but then you realise it wouldn't have made a damn bit of difference and abit of normality is probably what they needed to try to keep fighting and feel like they were living and not dying.

Beautiful Nicola - 1983-2010

This sad news has been followed by extremely great news, although to be honest I am very worried at the moment! My favourite girl and best friend Victoria received her 'call' last night and is in theatre as I type getting new lungs! I will be thinking (and worrying) about her day and night until I know she is recovered and on with her new life, please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Please also spare a thought for the donor and their family (transplant is always a good news, bad news situation), without their kindness in such a difficult time, Victoria would not be getting this second chance at life.

Victoria doing what she does best ;o)

A Fighter to the End

I'm very sad to say that Jess who received her transplant between Christmas and New Year has passed away.

This is not the way her Christmas Miracle was supposed to go, yet she was so very poorly and weak, she had waited for her transplant for too long. If she had received it earlier who knows? Not all transplants are successful, it's a risky procedure. However I think that every single time it is still better to at least give someone the chance. Been on the list gives that person hope to continue fighting, a future to look forward to.

Jess was such a fighter, this is a picture from a sponsored walk she did in 2009. Even in her last days she was determined to raise awareness of organ donation. Hopefully her efforts were not in vain. Please click here to join the organ donation register.

I didn't know Jess that well, however I followed her progress and she helped me with my cf presentation last year. She was well known on the cf forums and was a major advocate for the Live Life Then Give Life charity, she will be greatly missed. RIP Jess xx

Christmas Miracle

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! I'm still in the middle of Christmas since we are going to see all Pete's family on Wednesday so I am not going to update on Christmas yet.

However I wanted to post a positive story, I just read the news and I am SO happy!

Jess is 20 years old and has been waiting for a lung transplant for 4 years, so since she was 16. (just think of all the teenage years she has missed out on). Her lung function is 9%, she was rushed to A&E before Christmas and spent Christmas in hospital, to be honest I think a lot of us thought she wasn't going to make it and finally lose her battle. Infact I said to Pete the other day I didn't think she had much time left.

I have just read that she has had her lung transplant this morning!!!! Please pray she gets through the first few days as they are going to be hard, she was very, very poorly for the operation and not out of danger yet. Also please spare a thought for the family and friends who have just lost a loved one and agreed to this organ donation, without them Jess would not have this extra chance of life.

Christmas miracles can happen!

Jo's Send Off

On Friday it was Jo's funeral, I wish I could have gone but it was a long way and I couldn't have gone on my own. I said a prayer for her at 11am which was the time of the service. Her friends on the CF forum (including me) put our money together to help give her a good send off. Jo loved cake (she ate a whole Victoria sponge every day to put weight on) and she loved Betty Boop, so here is what we sent her..... She would have loved it! We also sent her some flowers. I really miss her and still can't believe she is not here anymore, it's going to take some getting used toIn other news I have been busy... getting filmed! I'm not going to say anything else as it's not getting aired until Easter time, but watch this space!

Today we have been to look at five bungalows, yes five bungalows! We have seen one we LOVE! So watch this space too!

I'm starting to feel better I think, still getting tired easily and chest is still getting pains but it is starting to feel less tight. I don't think I have lost anymore weight but not put any on either, just keeping it steady now. I keep feeling lightheaded and like I can't see properly which is strange, I think it must be the voriconazole as it can cause visual disturbances. It feels like I'm in a daydream and not in my body, not good at times! I've been to the gym twice this week and walked Alfie so at least I am getting back to the exercising, it always goes on halt when I'm on my IV's as I never have the energy to go.

I am currently watching X Factor, so far I have voted three times for Olly. I knew he'd be in the final! Olly to win!!!! This is the first time I have watched the x-factor final in years, every year I'm always out! Yet another sign I'm getting old....!

CF Friends

I realised I never post about my cf friends unless they pass away..... which I don't like! So I'd like to introduce you to some of my living cf friends (and they better stay that way!), I have physically never met any of them due to cross infection rules however talk to them online on a regular basis and I find them very supportive and they probably know more about me than my 'real' mates. I'll show you an example of this, I bet that they all know I am on my IVs at the moment and having a rough time. Whereas my friend who I have known since I was a toddler asked me last night if I had a cold because I was coughing, even though I have told her at least three times in the past two weeks that I am not well and on my IVs and also informed her I am having an extra week of them. She then asked me how long I have IVs for and also kept prodding my arm for me to pass her the drink, I had to remind her my needle was there! She is a lovely friend but you have to laugh...! :o)

Anyway my friends... I have quite alot so if I don't include you I'm sorry with a cherry on top..!

Victoria - She is waiting for a lung transplant, had her 6TH false call on Monday night and is currently in hospital so send her some kisses!

Pete - Is super cool and a great laugh! He is a big fan of Alfie so gets my vote :o)

Chantelle - Is a mummy and she lends me lots of books, shes a very good library! hehe

Megan - likes to talk about spatulas (sorry, an inside joke)

Gemma - party animal !

Emma - Is going to be a mummy in a few weeks!

Jac - Has had a lung transplant and has a tiny cute doggie called Seb, she is also a psychologist which is pretty cool!

Sophie - Recently had to give up work so send her some hugs! I know what a difficult time it can be. She also lost one of her close cf friends today. RIP Anna (it's been a seriously sh!t week)

An Alternative Ending

Once there was a young woman called Jo. She was beautiful, feisty and independent. The trouble was that she was stuck in an ill body that meant she couldn’t do the things she loved and instead felt isolated and an annoyance to her parents that had to help care for her.
Jo’s body was so ill that she needed a lung transplant, however she was underweight and needed to put a lot of weight on. It was difficult and sometimes she thought she would never put the weight on, she felt hopeless at times and had to remind herself of the bright future she could have if she got a new pair of lungs from a kind donor and their family. She would forever be grateful to them because in their time of sadness they would have saved Jo’s life.
Jo finally put the weight on after months of struggling and she was accepted on the list. All she had to do was wait and try to keep positive by thinking of the things she would be able to do free of her oxygen, aches and pains and wheelchair.
She finally got the call however the lungs were not suitable for transplant. This happened a few times. Each time Jo thought ‘this is it, I’m going to have a life’ and every time the lungs were not suitable her heart sank just abit more but she stayed determined at all times.
Eventually after waiting for over a year a pair of lungs were suitable and transplanted into her.
6 weeks later she was home, ready for this new life, quite scared because of all the things she would be able to do that she had never done before but also excited that death and illness would not be on her mind everyday, just the everyday worries like other people!
After a few months she decided to move out and live on her own, something she had never expected to be able to do. It was a challenge as she had always been looked after but it felt great. She couldn’t believe how much energy she had, so much to do and so much time now she had her new lungs!
She decided to start a course at her local college, to make new friends and finally get that education she never got because she was too ill to attend school full time. She met a guy on her course and for the first time fell in love, something she had never had the energy for before plus it’s hard to meet someone when you are at home or in hospital all the time.
Jo relished her new life, she didn’t take anything for granted and wrote to the donor family to thank them for the gift of life they had given her. She felt free, independent in mind and body for a change and purpose to her existence.

This story is the future I would have chosen for Jo. Sadly it will never happen because Jo passed away yesterday morning at 5.30am. She never got her transplant, she was on the transplant list a few months after gaining the weight and will never have the life she dreamt of. I feel useless, there was nothing I could do, I couldn’t even go down and visit her to alleviate some of her loneliness.

Jo I am so sorry you never got the life you deserved.

I am donating the money I usually spend on Christmas cards in memory of Jo this year. Please consider making a donation however small to help see off CF, and if you are not a registered organ donor then please, please register!

Sad News

I am absolutley gutted to have just read that Vicky passed away last night. After been in hospital for over 6 months she finally gave in, is no longer in pain and has gone up to Heaven. She will be joining her fiance who also passed away in 2006 (also due to cf I believe). May they rest in peace together. My thoughts are with her close friends and family, they should be proud of her because she was such a strong and lovely little lady.

I am Invincible

Poor Vicky is still in hospital, I'm not going to go into all the details but things are really tough for her. It just seems to be one thing after another, she has been in there over 6 months now. Poor little lady, thinking of you Vicky!

Call me selfish but when these bad things happen to others with CF it makes you think about your own CF. I don't like to think of myself as having CF, I know I have it and jeez I'm reminded everyday from all the treatments and feeling like rubbish but I see that as just been me and not really fitting into a category. For me, not doing these things would be great but also abit weird!

When terrible things happen to others with CF it kind of doesn't sink in that this could happen to me, somehow I see myself as different. I don't see myself as special or better, I don't think it's denial as I don't deny I have CF and I know it's going to happen to me at some point, although I hope it's no time soon.

A girl called Laura from the CF forums passed away the other day, I didn't even know she was that ill. Is that because she didn't know herself? Was she like me and though it would work out? I'm always quite positive and think I'd push through if my health went downhill. Although I am an ill person I don't actually see myself as ill, I see myself as me with a few (well alot) of extra needs and problems :o)

I don't feel scared or worried, I feel like everything will be OK for me. How can I feel like this when people I know pass away and are poorly? I think I would be scared if one of my very close CF friends passed away as I think they see things like I do, think they are invincible. But thinking that doesn't mean that you are, and that might hit me if one of them left me.

Sometimes my attitude scares me, people keep saying maybe I shouldn't get pregnant as it could seriously make me ill or even kill me, even the doctor has warned me. However these comments seem to go unnoticed in my mind and I think to myself, I'll be OK, it will be worth it. Don't worry I'm not trying to get pregnant at this moment in time, don't want my mother ringing me up! Come on people I shall do it properly and be married first!! haha.

So to conclude, I think I am invincible, I will be OK. This is how I go about my daily business without crumpling into a ball and crying. When I do die I shall remind myself of this blog entry and it will make me laugh!!!


I have started attempting to do my physio three times a day, this is easier said than done! I am coughing up so much sputum and its really sticky and thick, I feel so full of the stuff its the only option I can think of. But like I say easier said than done, it's hard to fit it in if you have things planned and it's hard to force yourself to do it because as you can imagine it is not the most enjoyable of activities I can do on a daily basis!!

I went swimming on Monday night, first time in three weeks. Yes yes I know I am naughty! Pete has now joined the gym too and he was watching me as the treadmills over look the swimming pool. Therefore I had to look cool and like I knew what I was doing, this must have brought out a competitive streak in me and I was racing other swimmers. Yes you read that correctly. Needless to say my legs felt like jelly by the end, I still managed 30 lengths though so I was pretty impressed. I did manage to leave my swimming cap there so I'll have to buy a new one as I assume someone will have nicked it, goodbye rainbow coloured swimming cap! I'll miss you!

As well as discovering I can swim faster than about 2 other people (haha) I have discovered I can still run, but only for about 5 seconds before collapsing. The dogs on their walk decided to run to the car in the carpark across the field so I panicked as it is close to the road and legged it after them. I suspected that they may have seen another dog which is code red situation with a road close by! They are evil dogs that want to kill me, however when I got there they were both sat by the car waiting to get in. Evil for making me run.... but good and clever doggies for sitting by the car :o)

Thinking of Vicky

Vicky off the cf forums is really not doing well, if you can remember I said she was coming out of hospital quite awhile ago after spending Christmas in there. Well she went back in about 4 days later and has been in ever since, so she has basically been in hospital since November. She has lost loads of weight, I think she said she was about 36kg and she is now having total parental nutrition (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_parenteral_nutrition). There is something wrong with her peg (a device put in your stomach so high calorie formulas can be put straight into your stomach) that she usually has her feeds in and they were going to try fix it but they cancelled her operation. She has had a blood transfusion because all the antibiotics have messed with her kidneys so now she is off the antibiotics and her infection levels are slowly rising, I think she said her crp was over 100 (bear in mind mine was 37 and classed as slightly elevated). To make matters worse, her port is virtually useless as the stupid surgeon put it in her armpit, yes her armpit!!!! So she is having all this done through longlines (lines put in a vein in your arm) which keep giving up on her because like most cfers her veins are all thin and useless from been used so much. She is unsurprisingly scared and losing her fighting spirit although still keeps sneaking on the nurses computer to come on the forum and even asks other people how they are doing. So please have her in your thoughts and prayers.

I watched that female prison programme last night and it made me so mad. Women moaning that prison makes them unhappy, well isn't that the idea...? It's not supposed to be a holiday! Objective achieved if you ask me! One woman was released and they gave her a tent as no hostels etc would accept her whilst she was on the housing waiting list due to her aggression and anger problems. The prison officer said that it was disgusting that in this day and age this is what they had to do, erm no I think its brilliant! Why should people put up with people like that? There is only so much help a person can be expected to receive, she is lucky she got a tent..! ;o) How is it fair that people in prison who have committed a crime get free tv, hair cuts etc and poor Vicky who has been in hospital since November has had to pay hundreds of pounds to patientline to watch tv? Plus I have heard the stupid thing constantly breaks down. I am so grateful that on our cf ward we get free TVs and Internet because when your in hospital what else is there to do?! Apparently patientline do a long-stay package, this covers 3 days.... need I say anymore...?

3d glasses, the way forward!

Look, I'm sooo cool in my 3d glasses at the cinema.
The film was good, very gruesome and there was a naked woman at one point running from the killer, you could see her fufu and everything which was quite funny! My friend and I did laugh at parts such as when they were trying to describe what the killer looks like, he wears a mining outfit and carries a pick axe covered in people's brains, not hard to miss I think.... When I drove home though, I parked right outside the flat entrance as I was scared because it was dark! I also keep having freaky dreams about people getting chopped up, the film has obviously bought out my inner evil, psycho side. Beware, if I know where you live and you see me walking into your house with a pick axe in my hand, I'd get running!!

On Friday Pete took me out for lunch to an Italian place, it was full of 'suits' out for lunch drinking their cappuccinos, thinking they are so cool cos they work in the city. This is what I imagine anyway...! We then went to pick Pete's suit for the wedding, we have decided on a dark grey suit with a golden/creamy waistcoat and a burnt orange cravat. It sounds weird but it looks good. I took a bridesmaid dress and a sample of my wedding dress colour so we could match up.

We then went to the doctors for Pete's little operation he needs on his toe, we were just under 10 minutes late and they said we were too late and would have to book another appointment! This is annoying since Pete has waited about 2 months for this appointment. Plus whenever you go to the gp's they are always running late, I've had to wait an hour sometimes! So it's typical they weren't running late on this day!

My arm is alot better, it's peeling loads and I can pull off the skin. I love it! :o) I've been sleeping quite alot through the day, but not sure if its because I'm not sleeping very well on a night. I think my sleeping pattern is all out of place. I'm getting a cold sore which I am not impressed with!

It's my birthday soon, I'm 24. Ekkk!!

On another note, do you remember I mentioned Vicky, before Christmas? She was in hospital and in a serious condition. Well she is still in hospital, so it's been over 2 months, she spend Christmas and New Year in there. However she is improving slowly and should be out soon, even if it's just for a few days. I think she is still on oxygen and strong pain relief but it's such an improvement, I'm so happy!

stamp machine madness!!

Well it would appear people are divided on the tinsel approach, I suppose some people need to buy tinsel else it would become extinct... that would be a real shame.... hehe.

I'm still feeling tired, I haven't even been swimming yet this week. I think I'm going to force myself to go today, I'm really productive though, what happens if I cough a big greenie up when swimming? If it's really big I might feel abit sick swallowing it! But I guess I will have to! I'm not going to use the gym showers, they make me cough as they are not very warm, so I think i'll give them a miss. I must keep up with my exercising, because stopping will just make me feel worse.

I walked to the post office with Alfie on Monday (it's about a 10 minute walk max) but it was raining, note to myself, do not walk Alfie in the rain. I put his coat on but I've never seen a dog in such a mood, walking so slow! I ended up carrying him home so he was under my umbrella as he had a right face on and was walking so slow I was practically dragging him! So then I felt like some stupid chihuahua owner carrying her chihuahua in his coat like a baby, I am not a Paris Hilton wannabe, but I am a Gemma who wants to get home before Christmas with a happy dog. Whats even worse is the stupid stamp machine outside the post office would only take the exact change and a book of 2nd class stamps is £3.24, it would not even take £3.25. This meant I could only buy one book as I didn't have enough coppers to make up another 4p for the 2nd book (isn't that typical? I usually have loads of 2ps and 1ps in my purse!!) and I couldn't queue in the post office because I had Alfie with me. Argh!!!! So anyway I could only get one book and hence only half of my Christmas cards have been posted, if your lucky enough to get a Christmas card from me it's because you got one of the stamps from my book! Other cards will be posted soon!!

Here is a nice non paper Christmas card for you, I think I have already emailed it to some of you, but for the rest of you, enjoy!

http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=0212320003

ps - Vicky seems to improving abit, apparently she is up and walking, this is great news!!

Fun but exhausting weekend

Firstly I'd just like to say get well soon to one of my friends Vicky who is not doing so well at the moment, I hope you get well soon honey even if it means you have to stay in hospital for Christmas! She's a little fighter so I know she will be fine, she's on oxygen etc though so it's pretty scary, so please keep your fingers crossed for her.

I've not been feeling great myself but nothing compared to other people. I had a pretty busy week last week and didn't really get any lie ins which means I didn't get as much sleep as I need, this mixed with been on the go alot has left me feeling pretty exhausted. On Friday I went to the cinema with a friend from my old job who i haven't seen for awhile so it was good to catch up. We saw Changeling with Angelina Jolie in, I would highly recommend it, it almost had me in tears in parts and to know its based on a true story is terrible. I had my usual popcorn combo and so was satisfied with the evening as a whole :o). The film didn't finish until about 11.15 pm and it was so foggy driving home, it was pretty scary as I couldn't see at all where I was going! I didn't get to bed till about 12 because of nebs etc.

I then went to a body shop party on Saturday at my cousins so had a quick nap before I went (which meant I was late), I drank abit too much and spent too much money lol, my cousin and I went to the pub after to meet our fellas and drank abit too much more.... When I got home we watched abit of the x factor whilst I did my tobi nebuliser and I realised I had no re hydration sachets which wasn't very good as they are my saviour to prevent hang overs!

The next morning I couldn't even have a proper lie in as for some stupid reason I agreed to take the dogs for a walk with my cousin (I must have suggested this when in my drunken state) whilst the boys went to watch the football. So I had to do that and then go out for lunch with my friends which I arranged last week. So anyway by Sunday afternoon I was knackered and extremely grumpy, Pete got most of the wrath of tired Gemma to which I apologised to him the next day, he says I wasn't grumpy atall, I know he's lying...

So anyway Monday I had a nice big lie in and didn't get dressed till after lunch time. I did go swimming and did abit of vacuuming up, but that's about it. My lesson for the week is not to do so much, but it's so difficult when all these things are going on that you want to do, especially near Christmas!!

The acapella and I are not getting on so well, it hurts my cheeks! Because of the resistance I have to hold my cheeks in so they don't puff out and they are really aching and I actually have jaw ache today. I think it's also making me get a dry throat and so it's abit sore, or I'm getting a cold or coughing too much in the cold, who knows which is the cause?! So I have used the pep mask this evening and decided I need to ease the acapella in rather than dive straight in to using it all the time.

I nearly crashed my car this morning because of the ice! I reversed out of the parking space and then the car started sliding towards the other parked cars as its on a slope! I just sat there pressing my brakes wondering what the heck to do! So I put my foot down on the accelerator and there was loads of smoke coming from the back of my car and the car was not moving and then eventually it shot off, phew!!

Peppermint oil tablets are the best!!

Well where shall i start?

First of all it's about time I revealed that my parents are splitting up. My mum told me 2 weeks ago but I guess I was hoping it wouldn't happen and was too upset about it and didn't want to talk to other people about it. My youngest brother only got told yesterday as he has just started university and came home for the weekend, so I also didn't want him finding out another way. Now its all in the open though I can mention it. At first I was gutted and was crying all the time, I couldn't imagine my parents not together. I know i'm an adult and don't even live at home anymore but that doesn't mean it's not horrible. I think I was more concerned for my parents than myself, i'm scared they will be lonely without each other and I don't want them to be sad and alone. I'm scared I won't see my dad very often, he's the kind of person that would rather keep a distance from you than actually have to talk about his feelings etc. I'm scared of how it will affect us as a family, I guess when your parents are together you can't ever imagine them not been, it's really weird. So anyway, now 2 weeks have passed I have gotten used to the idea abit and i'm trying to support my parents the best way I can. My parents house is massive (5 bedrooms) and now there is just my mum and my other brother living there (and little Murphy as well). It must be so quiet, last year there were 5 of us, then I went, then my brother to uni and now my dad. Anyway enough said, it's my parents business.

I had a pretty rubbish weekend. I got a pain under my chest on friday night, it went saturday day and then came back on the evening. It was so painful I was in agony and couldn't sleep all night. It was still there sunday so i called the hospital, I had a pretty good idea that it was trapped wind pushing on my chest as I had this a couple of years ago. The ward told me to ring my gp, before I knew it I was at the local health centre seeing a doctor. He listened to the back of my chest and said there were a few crackles (oh really...?) but no sign of infection and agreed it was trapped wind. He wrote a prescription for peppermint oil tablets (on my recommendation) and when i got to Boots he had written me a prescription for actual oil and not tablets! The pharmacist would not give me tablets (I bet my local pharmacy would have) but informed me I could just buy them so that is what I did. So anyway next time I won't bother with the doctor, I shall just buy some myself!! The pain did not go yesterday but has eased off today and almost gone. You may think I was being abit ott, but the pain was so bad I could not have put up with it for another day.

So today I have felt full of energy after my near death experience......hehe. I got my hair done in the morning, then took Alfie for a short walk and then went swimming at the gym followed by 10 minutes in the hydrotherapy pool. I feel abit of a fool at the gym as I still don't know where everything is so I walk around like an idiot, looking at signs etc.

I'm now sat with some conditioner in my hair as it needs some nourishment after its bleaching this morning. Im going to attempt to cook risotto tonight, i've never even eaten risotto before so have no idea what it should taste like.....! Then I am meeting some people I used to work with later on for a few drinks. I told you I was feeling energetic!!

I'm not sure how Toria is doing but the last update from her friend was that she still is not doing very well, Toria I really hope you pull through this and i'm thinking of you xx

Praying for Toria

Toria is having a very rough time (to put it lightly) and from what I have gathered she is currently on life support after a surgeon punctured her lung when putting a new port in for her along with other complications. I don't know how a procedure that so many people with cf have all the time can have gone so wrong and I am praying that Toria pulls through this. Toria i am thinking of you, your partner and little baby boy and praying you get stronger everyday. It is so unfair this has happened to you and I keep hoping to hear of good news xx