I went out on Saturday and had a really good night, I'm very sensible on nights out and take a coat and scarf with me when it starts to get cold. You will notice alot of girls are not so sensible, apparently it is a northern thing but I don't know really.
Something random happened that night when I went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and saw Alfie's collar was on my bedside table. Alfie had slept in the bed with us that night as a treat but I have no recollection of taking off his collar! I know I had alot to drink but I don't do weird stuff when I'm drunk and I certainly don't forget things that I do, do! So I think I must have removed it in my sleep! Or Pete removed it and is playing with my mind! I asked Alfie what happened but he is staying quiet on the matter...
It gets more random...
Sunday my face was hurting and I just assumed it was due to dry skin from drinking too much. However on Monday my nose really started to hurt, not the nostrils but the actual bone and by Tuesday I had a small swollen area and it was very painful. I was finding it difficult to do my physio as the pep mask hurt when it pressed on my nose and my nose also hurt when I coughed! So today I went to the GP's thinking I would be informed I must have punched myself in my sleep (I wouldn't be surprised after the collar incident). But the GP thinks I have the start of an infection, he said it looked red and felt hot. So he has put me on a weeks worth of flucloxacillin to help calm it. How random is that?! He has no idea what has caused it and neither do I really! The only thing I can think of, is that I could have used water by mistake that hadn't been boiled when I did one of my sinus rinses at the weekend!
The good news is that I still don't have diabetes, my glucose tolerance test came back fine. So that's a relief like it is every year!
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
Friday, 22 October 2010
Moving in Different Directions
I've been feeling abit fed up this week, I don't know if it's because of the weather, because I haven't had much to do, hormones etc, but I do know I have been feeling fed up! I just seem to be sat around alot, thinking of things to do or waiting for Pete to come home. This isn't a plea for people I know to ask me to do stuff for them or go places with them....
I guess I have been feeling abit stressed about all these cuts the government are making and if I was going to lose any of my benefits. I had it in my head we were going to be either skint or I was going to have to work loads and it would ruin my life as I'd get really ill. Anyway from what I can gather it's only people in the work related group who will be affected, they will lose the benefit after a year because they are supposed to be finding a job, apparently their disability doesn't prevent them working, it just prevents them finding a suitable job. What a load of sh!te, I know people with CF in that group. They can find a job, it's the fact their body is ill that stops them working and CF doesn't get better after a year does it?! But it's OK because the guy on This Morning says 'if you are sat watching TV now and have a genuine disability you have nothing to worry about', yeah right. So yes I have been stressing about that and still am because god knows what the government are going to do next, but we must remember 'we are in this together' (sick of hearing that).
The surrogacy stuff is making me fed up too, because now we are members I am worried that no surrogates are going to like us and we are never going to be matched with someone. I'm scared me having CF will put them off, I'm scared there seems to be so many other couples on there and there just isn't enough surrogates and I'm scared it is going to take years or never happen atall.
Then I'm also fed up because my friends seem to be doing things I can't do with them because of either lack of money or because of my health. For example they are all going to a bonfire night but I declined to go because it's cold and there will be alot of walking involved, plus I think the fire smoke will make me cough (along with the cold). I could attempt to go but I know I won't enjoy it because of the all the mentioned things, fireworks don't even interest me to to be honest, so it would be a waste of an effort. However I don't like feeling left out!
Then also my two best friends are going on a weekend away (with some other girls) to London in December which I didn't even get invited to because they knew I wouldn't be able to go! I can't afford it (yes I know I own a nice house and they don't) and even if I could I really can't see me walking around London on a night out in December. When Pete and I went it exhausted me and that's when I was relatively warm, not wearing heels (don't even suggest going out in flats!), and Pete lets me walk at my own pace, my friends do not!
Now you may think my reasons regarding walking, coughing etc are petty and I should just put up with it to have some fun, but it's easier said than done. When you cough so hard that you wee (sorry...this blog is truthful!), or everyone is looking at you, or you feel like you are going to be sick and wishing everyone wasn't looking at you in case you are, it is a big thing.
Sometimes I feel like my life is moving a different direction to my friends, I'm married, a home owner, hopefully will have a child in the next few years and have an illness. Whereas they have growing careers so more money, no homes to pay for, no husbands and loads of energy. I'm scared of us drifting apart, and if I don't have my friends then I will be extremely lonely.
Anyway it's not all doom and gloom, don't get me wrong, I love having my own home and being married. I just don't like feeling left out! I'm sure it happens to people all the time, with or without CF, but I do have normal problems too. CF just seems to make them worse! I am hopefully going out tomorrow night into town, so I can still do things with my friends, just not the really exciting stuff! Also there is our Halloween party next Saturday which I am very excited about!
I guess I have been feeling abit stressed about all these cuts the government are making and if I was going to lose any of my benefits. I had it in my head we were going to be either skint or I was going to have to work loads and it would ruin my life as I'd get really ill. Anyway from what I can gather it's only people in the work related group who will be affected, they will lose the benefit after a year because they are supposed to be finding a job, apparently their disability doesn't prevent them working, it just prevents them finding a suitable job. What a load of sh!te, I know people with CF in that group. They can find a job, it's the fact their body is ill that stops them working and CF doesn't get better after a year does it?! But it's OK because the guy on This Morning says 'if you are sat watching TV now and have a genuine disability you have nothing to worry about', yeah right. So yes I have been stressing about that and still am because god knows what the government are going to do next, but we must remember 'we are in this together' (sick of hearing that).
The surrogacy stuff is making me fed up too, because now we are members I am worried that no surrogates are going to like us and we are never going to be matched with someone. I'm scared me having CF will put them off, I'm scared there seems to be so many other couples on there and there just isn't enough surrogates and I'm scared it is going to take years or never happen atall.
Then I'm also fed up because my friends seem to be doing things I can't do with them because of either lack of money or because of my health. For example they are all going to a bonfire night but I declined to go because it's cold and there will be alot of walking involved, plus I think the fire smoke will make me cough (along with the cold). I could attempt to go but I know I won't enjoy it because of the all the mentioned things, fireworks don't even interest me to to be honest, so it would be a waste of an effort. However I don't like feeling left out!
Then also my two best friends are going on a weekend away (with some other girls) to London in December which I didn't even get invited to because they knew I wouldn't be able to go! I can't afford it (yes I know I own a nice house and they don't) and even if I could I really can't see me walking around London on a night out in December. When Pete and I went it exhausted me and that's when I was relatively warm, not wearing heels (don't even suggest going out in flats!), and Pete lets me walk at my own pace, my friends do not!
Now you may think my reasons regarding walking, coughing etc are petty and I should just put up with it to have some fun, but it's easier said than done. When you cough so hard that you wee (sorry...this blog is truthful!), or everyone is looking at you, or you feel like you are going to be sick and wishing everyone wasn't looking at you in case you are, it is a big thing.
Sometimes I feel like my life is moving a different direction to my friends, I'm married, a home owner, hopefully will have a child in the next few years and have an illness. Whereas they have growing careers so more money, no homes to pay for, no husbands and loads of energy. I'm scared of us drifting apart, and if I don't have my friends then I will be extremely lonely.
Anyway it's not all doom and gloom, don't get me wrong, I love having my own home and being married. I just don't like feeling left out! I'm sure it happens to people all the time, with or without CF, but I do have normal problems too. CF just seems to make them worse! I am hopefully going out tomorrow night into town, so I can still do things with my friends, just not the really exciting stuff! Also there is our Halloween party next Saturday which I am very excited about!
Thursday, 21 October 2010
BBC Horizon - Miracle Cure? A Decade of the Human Genome
Back in April two people from the BBC (one of them was Dan Walker, a producer) came to see me about featuring in BBC's Horizon, regarding advances in cures for genetic diseases, as it is 10 years since they discovered the human genome. They stayed about an hour and videoed me whilst asking some questions (to see how I appear on film etc) and said they would get back to me. I knew they were seeing other people with CF as well and when they didn't get back to me I assumed they had picked someone else. It would have been nice to be informed of this or at least a thanks for me agreeing to see them but never mind, i'm sure they are busy people!
Anyway the programme is going to be on next Monday (25th October) on BBC 2 at 9pm. When they told me about it, it seemed really interesting so have a watch if you can! Here's a link for more information
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00vm2d5
Anyway the programme is going to be on next Monday (25th October) on BBC 2 at 9pm. When they told me about it, it seemed really interesting so have a watch if you can! Here's a link for more information
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00vm2d5
Monday, 18 October 2010
Studying
Last week we bought a dehumidifier, I can't believe I forgot to mention it in my last blog, it was the highlight of the week! haha!
Basically I think our home is quite damp for a few reasons, our bedroom door has expanded and it won't even shut anymore, our washing was taking over 4 days to dry, we started to get mould on our front door (which is a big worry as I don't want anymore fungus' on my lungs!) and we were getting loads of condensation on the windows when the heating came on. So we now have a dehumidifier and I have bought a timer plug, so it comes on at certain times during the day. Setting up the timer plug got me very frustrated! It's a seven day digital one and the instructions were NOT good! Anyway I got there in the end after been tempted on several occasions to throw it across the room!
I've started an online course with the University of Exeter on Tudor History. It lasts 12 weeks and there is a unit per week which you read online and then discuss the topic on a forum with others and the tutor. There are also some optional short essays to do which I am going to do of course! Just waiting for some books to come in to the library that I have reserved. I'm not sure yet if it's worth the fee I paid as there isn't that much information in the units, however they do seem to be getting more in depth each week, so perhaps it was just easing us in. I enjoy studying and I enjoy the Tudors so it's keeping me busy, it can be difficult to kept busy when you can't do loads of energetic things!
I know some people think it was a waste of time me going to University, but I really do love studying and if I could afford it, I'd do another part time degree, just because I enjoy studying! People don't always study in order for it to help them get a job, some people just enjoy to learn about a subject. Plus my degree would have helped me get a job if my stupid CF hadn't upped it's antics! I couldn't predict the future! I wouldn't have met Pete either if I didn't go to Uni and that's enough to have made it worthwhile :o)
Pete and I bought a new Christmas tree yesterday. Yes you read that right. The reason is that now we live somewhere bigger I want a bigger tree but if I leave it to closer to Christmas, I won't be able to afford to buy one! So we now have a 7ft tree in our garage, in the box obviously, not set up ready to go!! Notice 'I' want a bigger tree, Pete doesn't really care, it's only me that gets excited about these things!
Basically I think our home is quite damp for a few reasons, our bedroom door has expanded and it won't even shut anymore, our washing was taking over 4 days to dry, we started to get mould on our front door (which is a big worry as I don't want anymore fungus' on my lungs!) and we were getting loads of condensation on the windows when the heating came on. So we now have a dehumidifier and I have bought a timer plug, so it comes on at certain times during the day. Setting up the timer plug got me very frustrated! It's a seven day digital one and the instructions were NOT good! Anyway I got there in the end after been tempted on several occasions to throw it across the room!
I've started an online course with the University of Exeter on Tudor History. It lasts 12 weeks and there is a unit per week which you read online and then discuss the topic on a forum with others and the tutor. There are also some optional short essays to do which I am going to do of course! Just waiting for some books to come in to the library that I have reserved. I'm not sure yet if it's worth the fee I paid as there isn't that much information in the units, however they do seem to be getting more in depth each week, so perhaps it was just easing us in. I enjoy studying and I enjoy the Tudors so it's keeping me busy, it can be difficult to kept busy when you can't do loads of energetic things!
I know some people think it was a waste of time me going to University, but I really do love studying and if I could afford it, I'd do another part time degree, just because I enjoy studying! People don't always study in order for it to help them get a job, some people just enjoy to learn about a subject. Plus my degree would have helped me get a job if my stupid CF hadn't upped it's antics! I couldn't predict the future! I wouldn't have met Pete either if I didn't go to Uni and that's enough to have made it worthwhile :o)
Pete and I bought a new Christmas tree yesterday. Yes you read that right. The reason is that now we live somewhere bigger I want a bigger tree but if I leave it to closer to Christmas, I won't be able to afford to buy one! So we now have a 7ft tree in our garage, in the box obviously, not set up ready to go!! Notice 'I' want a bigger tree, Pete doesn't really care, it's only me that gets excited about these things!
Thursday, 14 October 2010
Not Much To Say!
I'm feeling alot better this week, just been taking it easy really.
I went swimming last Friday and only managed 16 lengths, I was just coughing so much I gave in, in the end. I went again last night and did 18 lengths with the same problem. I think I need to make sure I do my evening physio before I go, so there isn't as much moving around on my lungs.
I rang the gym on Monday morning at 7.30am to book myself in yoga and it was fully booked! The gym annoys me so much sometimes, they keep accepting new members but then don't put on any extra classes! So now I am going to try to go to Friday mornings class this week, as Monday and Friday are the only classes with the yoga teacher I like. My brothers girlfriend works at the gym so she is going to put my name on the list tonight, sneaky!
We are having a Halloween party this year so I'm stocking up on scary props, one involves a big, furry spider that I'm going to hide somewhere to shock people, hehe I'm so evil. I'm hopefully going to dress at the girl from the Grudge, I'll be too scared to look in the mirror if I get it right!
Sorry this a boring post, I don't seem to have much to say!
I went swimming last Friday and only managed 16 lengths, I was just coughing so much I gave in, in the end. I went again last night and did 18 lengths with the same problem. I think I need to make sure I do my evening physio before I go, so there isn't as much moving around on my lungs.
I rang the gym on Monday morning at 7.30am to book myself in yoga and it was fully booked! The gym annoys me so much sometimes, they keep accepting new members but then don't put on any extra classes! So now I am going to try to go to Friday mornings class this week, as Monday and Friday are the only classes with the yoga teacher I like. My brothers girlfriend works at the gym so she is going to put my name on the list tonight, sneaky!
We are having a Halloween party this year so I'm stocking up on scary props, one involves a big, furry spider that I'm going to hide somewhere to shock people, hehe I'm so evil. I'm hopefully going to dress at the girl from the Grudge, I'll be too scared to look in the mirror if I get it right!
Sorry this a boring post, I don't seem to have much to say!Thursday, 7 October 2010
Blood Sugars and Bones
Last night we had a meeting with a lady from Surrogacy UK, this was the final thing we needed to do before becoming members. It went really well and she was really nice and we should hopefully be members by next week!
The meeting was in Preston at about 7pm so I had to do my physio in the car which was a pain but needs must and all that. I did my pulmozyme on the way there and then my saline and physio on the way back, then did my tobi when we got home. I just made sure I had bags to put the neb chambers in once used, as the excess liquid spills out of them and gets everywhere! I also took a lid for my sputum pot, best to be safe in a car, you don't want a code green situation on your new cars seats! When we drove back it was dark so at least passerbys weren't looking at me thinking 'what the heck?!'. Pete was driving I must point out, I can multi task but driving and doing nebs and physio at the same time is taking it abit too far....
Don't be mistaken that my regime dilemma was sorted... Of course not! I had a glucose tolerance test today which meant I had to fast from 9pm last night, well we were still sat in the lady's house at 8.30pm and I hadn't had any tea because I left home at 4.15pm to collect Pete from work and then head to Preston. So we left just after 8.30pm and were going to get something from a service station which I wasn't too happy with since it would be my last form of food or drink (apart from water) for 14 hours. We pulled into this pub at about 8.40pm that served food and they had a carvery on, so it was self serve, wahoo! Talk about luck!
So I had the damn glucose tolerance test, it's one of the tests I dread. I laid in bed last night remembering the taste of the stuff you have to drink and it was making me feel sick. You have to get there for 9am, then the horrible drink has to be drunk within 5 minutes, the nurse watched me as I told her I was going to pour it down the sink and she didn't trust me. Then you wait an hour. Have your blood taken. Wait another hour. Have your blood taken. Then you can eat! This test is to see if you have developed CF related diabetes, the drink is basically glucose I think, then they are taking your blood to see if your body can cope with it.
My bone scan results were okish, they are worse than last year but better than the first scan I had when they put me on medication to help strengthen my bones. Apparently anything above -1 is normal and I'm at -1.6, on my first scan is was -2.2 and last year it was about -1.4 (I cant remember the exact numbers). I have osteopenia, so it's lower than normal but not osteoporosis which is under -2.5 according to Wikipedia.
My lung function is 42%, so higher than when I finished my IV's, and my weight is 54.55kg. So the doctor is happy with me, he thinks I over did it and that's why I have felt tired and weak. I must admit I am feeling better this week, so all the signs are it was nothing serious. Yay! Had a port flush and was good to go, came home and scoffed my face because I was sooo hungry! :o)
The meeting was in Preston at about 7pm so I had to do my physio in the car which was a pain but needs must and all that. I did my pulmozyme on the way there and then my saline and physio on the way back, then did my tobi when we got home. I just made sure I had bags to put the neb chambers in once used, as the excess liquid spills out of them and gets everywhere! I also took a lid for my sputum pot, best to be safe in a car, you don't want a code green situation on your new cars seats! When we drove back it was dark so at least passerbys weren't looking at me thinking 'what the heck?!'. Pete was driving I must point out, I can multi task but driving and doing nebs and physio at the same time is taking it abit too far....
Don't be mistaken that my regime dilemma was sorted... Of course not! I had a glucose tolerance test today which meant I had to fast from 9pm last night, well we were still sat in the lady's house at 8.30pm and I hadn't had any tea because I left home at 4.15pm to collect Pete from work and then head to Preston. So we left just after 8.30pm and were going to get something from a service station which I wasn't too happy with since it would be my last form of food or drink (apart from water) for 14 hours. We pulled into this pub at about 8.40pm that served food and they had a carvery on, so it was self serve, wahoo! Talk about luck!
So I had the damn glucose tolerance test, it's one of the tests I dread. I laid in bed last night remembering the taste of the stuff you have to drink and it was making me feel sick. You have to get there for 9am, then the horrible drink has to be drunk within 5 minutes, the nurse watched me as I told her I was going to pour it down the sink and she didn't trust me. Then you wait an hour. Have your blood taken. Wait another hour. Have your blood taken. Then you can eat! This test is to see if you have developed CF related diabetes, the drink is basically glucose I think, then they are taking your blood to see if your body can cope with it.
My bone scan results were okish, they are worse than last year but better than the first scan I had when they put me on medication to help strengthen my bones. Apparently anything above -1 is normal and I'm at -1.6, on my first scan is was -2.2 and last year it was about -1.4 (I cant remember the exact numbers). I have osteopenia, so it's lower than normal but not osteoporosis which is under -2.5 according to Wikipedia.
My lung function is 42%, so higher than when I finished my IV's, and my weight is 54.55kg. So the doctor is happy with me, he thinks I over did it and that's why I have felt tired and weak. I must admit I am feeling better this week, so all the signs are it was nothing serious. Yay! Had a port flush and was good to go, came home and scoffed my face because I was sooo hungry! :o)
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Treatment Regime
I'm feeling better this week although I'm still having problems sleeping. I don't know what it is really but I'm having crazy dreams and waking up every 1-2 hours and every time I wake up I have to go to the toilet, that's just a thing with me, if I wake up, must make a visit to the bathroom. I don't know if I wake up because I need the toilet or its some compulsive thing I have! Anyway.... I'm still sweating but not because I'm warm and I can hear weird noises in my chest which isn't helped by the fact I have to use ear earplugs. I didn't wake up until 12 on Sunday and then it's been about 9.30 the other days, I have to be careful though because you can fall into a pattern of getting up late all the time and end up going to bed late, then before you know it your whole sleeping pattern is messed up!
I went to Yoga this Monday as usual and I didn't struggle as much this week, so maybe this is a sign my chest is slightly better? Or the class was easy, who knows! I really need to get back into swimming, I didn't go last week as I didn't feel up to it but I'm determined to go tomorrow, no excuses! If I don't go, tell me off!
I've altered my physio/neb regime as for the past few weeks it's hasn't been working for me. I usually do my saline before my evening physio, then my pulmozyme after, then tobi before I go to bed. However sometimes I don't do my physio until 9pm, then the pulmozyme is afterwards so say 9.30pm, which means then I can't do my tobi until after 10.30pm as there has to be at least an hours gap. Well we usually go to bed about 10-10.30pm so it was causing problems! Also if I do my physio too early in the evening I find my chest is full again by the time I go to bed, so doing it later is better.
So instead I am now doing my pulmozyme at about 6-7pm then my saline and physio an hour later or more later (you have to leave an hour after doing pulmozyme before you can do physio to let it work), then I can do my tobi straight after my physio. So now my physio regime is like this:
AM
(whatever time I get up) Saline then physio then tobi
PM
6-7pm Pulmozyme
8-9pm Saline then physio then tobi
I swear it is seriously starting to feel like a military regime, there is so much stuff to do and think about. The good thing about this new regime is that is gets everything out of the way if I'm going out somewhere, like on Saturday with my old regime I would have had to do my Tobi neb when I got in from my night out. But this way I got it all done before I went out as I did it at around 5-6pm, I don't know why I've never done it before really!
I went to Yoga this Monday as usual and I didn't struggle as much this week, so maybe this is a sign my chest is slightly better? Or the class was easy, who knows! I really need to get back into swimming, I didn't go last week as I didn't feel up to it but I'm determined to go tomorrow, no excuses! If I don't go, tell me off!
I've altered my physio/neb regime as for the past few weeks it's hasn't been working for me. I usually do my saline before my evening physio, then my pulmozyme after, then tobi before I go to bed. However sometimes I don't do my physio until 9pm, then the pulmozyme is afterwards so say 9.30pm, which means then I can't do my tobi until after 10.30pm as there has to be at least an hours gap. Well we usually go to bed about 10-10.30pm so it was causing problems! Also if I do my physio too early in the evening I find my chest is full again by the time I go to bed, so doing it later is better.
So instead I am now doing my pulmozyme at about 6-7pm then my saline and physio an hour later or more later (you have to leave an hour after doing pulmozyme before you can do physio to let it work), then I can do my tobi straight after my physio. So now my physio regime is like this:
AM
(whatever time I get up) Saline then physio then tobi
PM
6-7pm Pulmozyme
8-9pm Saline then physio then tobi
I swear it is seriously starting to feel like a military regime, there is so much stuff to do and think about. The good thing about this new regime is that is gets everything out of the way if I'm going out somewhere, like on Saturday with my old regime I would have had to do my Tobi neb when I got in from my night out. But this way I got it all done before I went out as I did it at around 5-6pm, I don't know why I've never done it before really!
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Busy Bee
Hi, I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I have some good excuses I promise!
First my laptop charger that has been trying to electrocute me for the past few weeks has now decided to die altogether, it decided to do this when I had 4 minutes of battery time left. Therefore I can't use my laptop and due to my laptops old age I have been struggling to find a new charger for it. I have hopefully found one on Amazon after a few emails with a seller and I've just ordered it now. I'm currently using Pete's laptop but it obviously doesn't have all my settings etc so I haven't been going on the Internet very much.
My second excuse is that I haven't been feeling great and I have been very busy, so any spare time I have, I've been sleeping and trying to relax, poor Alfie hasn't been walked once this week. I just feel tired and my chest isn't feeling that great, I've been wheezing on a night, waking up covered in sweat and my sputum is thicker.
I went to see my friend from University on Thursday, she's just had a baby and lives in Derby. I really could have done without the drive there and back, especially in a new car I'm not 100% comfortable with driving yet, but I've been arranging to see her for ages so I really didn't want to cancel. At least I got to have a bonding session with my car and it was obviously great to her and her little boy.
I also went out last night, it's been arranged for weeks and I've had a nightmare getting a new dress for it. Basically alot of problems with ordering online etc so with all the hassle, plus I've been looking forward to the night out for ages and everyone was meeting at our house, I didn't want to cancel this either. Had a good time anyway and I will put some pictures up when I am back on my laptop and can load them on!
There is loads of other stuff I have been doing, I'm not going to list everything because I can't be bothered! I feel like most of what I am doing, is to keep people happy, because I don't want to let people down. I sometimes feel quite angry inside because I feel like no one understands that I am struggling to do these things, it's partly my own fault for not saying no but also I feel people put pressure on me. I have a hospital appointment on Thursday so I will see how I am doing, I think I'm going to need IV's however it could just be because I have been busy, I feel like I can't even fit IV's in! Even when I go on IV's no one seems to give me a break, even Pete seems to expect me to be able to do everything even when feeling run down or on IV's. I just get so frustrated, how can you show people you don't feel good and make them understand, if I'm quiet I'm moody, if I don't do things I'm lazy, when I put a happy face on and get on with it, then I'm not really that bad. Just can't win really....!
First my laptop charger that has been trying to electrocute me for the past few weeks has now decided to die altogether, it decided to do this when I had 4 minutes of battery time left. Therefore I can't use my laptop and due to my laptops old age I have been struggling to find a new charger for it. I have hopefully found one on Amazon after a few emails with a seller and I've just ordered it now. I'm currently using Pete's laptop but it obviously doesn't have all my settings etc so I haven't been going on the Internet very much.
My second excuse is that I haven't been feeling great and I have been very busy, so any spare time I have, I've been sleeping and trying to relax, poor Alfie hasn't been walked once this week. I just feel tired and my chest isn't feeling that great, I've been wheezing on a night, waking up covered in sweat and my sputum is thicker.
I went to see my friend from University on Thursday, she's just had a baby and lives in Derby. I really could have done without the drive there and back, especially in a new car I'm not 100% comfortable with driving yet, but I've been arranging to see her for ages so I really didn't want to cancel. At least I got to have a bonding session with my car and it was obviously great to her and her little boy.
I also went out last night, it's been arranged for weeks and I've had a nightmare getting a new dress for it. Basically alot of problems with ordering online etc so with all the hassle, plus I've been looking forward to the night out for ages and everyone was meeting at our house, I didn't want to cancel this either. Had a good time anyway and I will put some pictures up when I am back on my laptop and can load them on!
There is loads of other stuff I have been doing, I'm not going to list everything because I can't be bothered! I feel like most of what I am doing, is to keep people happy, because I don't want to let people down. I sometimes feel quite angry inside because I feel like no one understands that I am struggling to do these things, it's partly my own fault for not saying no but also I feel people put pressure on me. I have a hospital appointment on Thursday so I will see how I am doing, I think I'm going to need IV's however it could just be because I have been busy, I feel like I can't even fit IV's in! Even when I go on IV's no one seems to give me a break, even Pete seems to expect me to be able to do everything even when feeling run down or on IV's. I just get so frustrated, how can you show people you don't feel good and make them understand, if I'm quiet I'm moody, if I don't do things I'm lazy, when I put a happy face on and get on with it, then I'm not really that bad. Just can't win really....!
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