Reflections

I've had a very busy week, in fact I haven't even unpacked my suitcase yet which is so unlike me!

On Monday I ordered my new car, I've gone for the new Astra, pertol SRI in the colour waterworld which is a darkish blue colour. Not very interesting compared to yellow which is what I currently have, but it appears vauxhall don't like doing fun colours!

I also had to ring my insurance company because my numpty husband reversed the mini into the McDonalds drive through window on Saturday night/Sunday morning when we got back from our holiday! There was no damage to McDonalds but I can't say the same for my car! The car is still drivable but all the back right side of the car is mashed in and the light is smashed, the light is still working though. It's not even funny really, we have rear parking sensors for goodness sake! Luckily the excess is alot lower now we are 25 but it means I won't get my £200 bonus when I return the car (if you don't claim on your insurance and the car isn't damaged they reward you). Can't complain though as at least I don't have to worry about my insurance going up etc and when they collect my car next Wednesday I will get a courtesy car, I don't like driving around with a bump in my car and people thinking I'm a bad driver, it wasn't me!...!

On Monday the lady from Scope where I volunteer came around to see me as I had agreed to help them interview for two posts for a new project commencing in the Halifax area, basically doing what our project does now. The interviews were on Tuesday and Wednesday and she just wanted to show me the questions, explain what would happen etc. It was quite fun interviewing people, there are some weird people out there who have some very strange opinions on disability. One thing which surprised me was how many people think disabled people think the barriers they face are taught to them and actually more in their head than actually existing and apart from physical barriers such as there not being a ramp, they didn't have a clue of other types of barriers. One comment which we all couldn't believe and actually had me in a fit of laughter and coughing fit ,(afterwards of course, we all kept very serious during the interview) was clearly disciminatory against wheelchair users, which is a great way to come across if you are applying for a job to work for a charity that believes in equality...!

The two days tired me out completely, we got takeaway on Wednesday night as I was too tired to cook and Pete didn't get home till late. I got quite upset actually because A) I was very tired and B) I had been interviewing people for a job I would actually quite like to do myself and was so angry it was clear I'd never be able to do it as I was exhausted from just interviewing for the job. This set me in very bad mood the next day when I was helping out at my mums barber shop which I wish I hadn't had to do as I was so tired. Plus I was majorly pissed off I have somehow ended up cutting people's hair which is not really what I had in mind as a career path years ago and it's not really my passion. Luckily the shop was quiet which is what I had counted on and I spent alot of the day reading my book. The past few days have just made me feel deflated, I've had an insight into what I could do if my health was better and an insight into what I actually do. I usually accept that this is my life now and the most of the time I am happy with it, loads of people end up doing things differently to what they thought and I am not miserable how my life has turned out. I know I am very lucky my mum owns a business that means I can just help out a few hours a week and it's pretty easy going when it's not busy, however sometimes I still wish I did have another life, well not another life as I quite like my life in general, just a better body!

Today I am just resting, I'm so tired I'm just going to take it easy. I have a few things I need to do like unpack my suitcase (finally!) and I haven't been to the gym yet this week as I have been far too tired so I might try go swimming later but somehow I doubt I will! In a way this week has been good for me too, I have been so tired from my busy days I have really struggled to force myself to do my physio/nebs and like I say I haven't been to the gym. So in a way it has also reminded me why I did give up work. I couldn't do this every week. Poor Pete has put up with my little physio tantrums 'I'm not doing it!' 'I'm sick of doing physio, it's all I ever do!' seriously, I'm like a little kid when I'm tired! So in a way this week has helped me reflect on a few things, good and bad.