not the patient for once!

Well i've been trying to stay quite busy, because if I don't I think about stuff and I get upset. These are the things that upset me, the fact I don't have a career, the fact my parents are separating, the fact I may not be able to have children without jeopardising my health and also Toria's death has made an impact on me. So anyway I think those things are enough to make anyone sink into some depressive state so i'm trying to stay busy and so I don't feel useless and so my life seems worthwhile. I'm so glad I have Pete, he is like my rock and i'm so lucky to have found someone like him. My family are great, and even though my parents are separating, they still get on fine and so i'm not torn between them or anything. They are really strong and are trying to make it as smooth as possible, I know they are upset but they try not to show it, like myself.

On Friday my mum had to go in hospital for an operation on her knee. She got to go private through insurance or something. Private hospitals are abit weird, they don't really feel like a proper hospital. I was hungry so they made me a sandwich but I wasn't allowed to eat it infront of my mum because she was nil by mouth, so they made me eat it in reception! Whats that all about! The nurse asked me if I had the day off school or college, I was like 'erm i'm 23', she was very apologetic saying i'm very pretty, I never knew you had to be young to be pretty?!!

The rooms were not really any better than the rooms on the cf ward, although the rooms on the cf ward are better than your average nhs room. My mum was in theatre for about 2 hours, I tried to have a nap on the other bed (there were 2 beds in the room and there were signs everywhere saying 'do not sit on the patients bed to reduce cross infection'), but I felt stupid going to sleep when I wasn't the patient, which is abit weird since I am always the patient!! I stayed with my mum for about an hour afterwards, its quite funny because about 3 hours after I had my port fitted this year under a general anesthetic , I was bundled into a taxi and sent back to the ward. Looking at my mum, I dunno how I did it. Thats cf for you, the staff just expect you to be hardcore and put up with anything. There was no getting a wheelchair into an ambulance to transfer me, I had to get dressed even though both my arms were really hurting as I had a port removed out of one and a port put in the other, then I had to walk to the taxi, yes walk! Then the taxi was flying around corners, then I had to sign a receipt and walk upto the ward, carrying my notes (which are not very light I can tell you)! I dunno, thats the nhs for you....

Anyway after spending all Friday at the hospital I was so tired, how can it be so tiring just sat in a room all afternoon?! I was also starving as all I got all day was that sandwich, they didn't have any tuck machines or anything, whats the world coming to?! But I still had to have my tea, then go do the wages for my mums barber shop (as she couldn't do them), then do my physio. It was about half 9 by the time I was sorted and I was so tired I could have just slept on the floor.

So yesterday Pete and I took Alfie and Murphy for a walk, it was very nice but started to rain towards the end, luckily I had my hat on. I am very sensible when it comes to keeping warm! We then had some lunch (I had left over takeaway from Saturday night), I then had about an hours kip, then we went to our local shopping centre for a few things.

On a Sunday the shopping centre shuts at 5, and we were parked in Debenhams car park and they wouldn't let anyone through to get to the car park, they had all these shop assistants guarding the entrance! This meant we had to leave the main exit and walk all the way around! I didn't have my coat on, as shopping centres are always warm. So Pete had to go get the car and bring it around for me, I would have been coughing and out of breath if I had walked that far. Whats the point in having disabled spaces if you won't let people get to them?! I could have told them, but I bet they wouldn't have believed me and I can't be bothered justifying myself to people. I know the staff want to get home, and it worked out ok because Pete went and got the car, but if I had been by myself it wouldn't have been ok. I like doing stuff with Pete because not only do I enjoy spending my time with him, but it makes things so much easier and I can do more. Like for example he can drive so I don't get tired from that, or carry the bags etc. I don't get as embarrassed when I cough etc. if i'm with him, if i'm by myself I get abit self conscious.