Missing you already!

Gosh I haven't been on my laptop for 3 days and I feel lost! Sad isn't it?! Been rather busy and tired so not had chance really! Been missing you all!

Saturday was my mums Barber shop's party (she owns 2 barber shops). It was an organised one that you pay to go to and was excellent! They had a live band and we got a free drink as we came in, there was a chocolate fountain and the room was decorated so christmassy it was great! There were people on stilts which I didn't enjoy (it's my weird phobia) and there was a juggler and Jack Frost walking around, do you remember the judda man on the adverts for that drink? Well it looked just like him and was creeping around all scarily! I got very drunk, didn't eat much of the food, was really bloated for some reason and my dress was hurting me! Ended the night by getting a lift home off one of the guys dads, he gave 5 people a lift in a corsa.... why did I end up been the one sat on someones knee with my neck bent over to fit in?! Yes I know it was very unsafe, yes I know it was illegal, a police car went past and I had to duck, but it seemed quite fun at the time and I survived, I promise I won't do it again! Here's some pictures from the night

Victoria you will be happy to know I downloaded Jeff Buckley's version of Hallelujah, thanks for telling me to do that..! I'm useless and it took my about 40 minutes, god help me when I get my i-pod for Christmas (not that I know I'm getting one or anything....).

Went to my friends last night for tea and watched some sex and the city. One of my friends has just got an assistant psychologist job at Rampton Hospital, it's where all the worst of the worst mental criminals go, when she had her interview she had to go through a scanner and get her bag searched and stuff, she says it was well exciting! Her training involves how to negotiate herself out of a hostage situation! I'm so happy for her, she's worked so hard for this and she got the job out of hundreds of people! She will make a great psychologist and she should get on the doctrine course now that she will have the experience of working at Rampton on her cv! I'm so, so happy for her and not a tiny bit jealous, well maybe abit :o)

I did a few other things yesterday but I was feeling pretty tired after my drunken night the night before (I woke up at 7am and was still drunk and walked into the wardrobe!), I went to see my dads flat, went to Costco to get some food for Christmas day and went to see my Grandma because for her birthday. I saw my brother who I haven't seen for ages because he has moved away to university, but he is back for Christmas now! Yeay!

Today it took me 40 minutes to get out of the shopping centre carpark, took me 10 minutes to get out of my parking space! Stupid carpark is set out stupidly (it's all one way!), stupid people all getting in my way! I did paint my nails very nicely with my new nail varnish whilst I was waiting though and I had my Christmas CD, so all was good. Why do people beep their horns when clearly no-one is going anywhere and it's no-ones fault?! Weird!

I'm all set for Christmas now! Done all my shopping, all wrapped up. I'm good to go!

Warning extremely sexy picture of me.....!

Well the time has finally arrived, here is an early Christmas present for you all, 'What is it Gemma?!' I hear you say! Well my dearest friends, it is a picture of me looking a d*ck in my swimming cap....! tada! Oh so sexy!


So as you have probably gathered I have been swimming today, it was alot better than when I went last week so my chest must be better. I did some ironing today as well, it's been sat there in the cupboard for about a month, I have no clothes left to wear so I had no choice! I also did some vacuuming, mopping and dusting. So I'm pretty tired now! I don't like cleaning, people who say they would never want a cleaner are crazy! When I'm a millionaire I am soooo getting a cleaner, um, might be waiting a long time for that!

Yesterday I went shopping again with my mum, that's all I did. After shopping I feel like what I imagine someone feels like after they have run a marathon, OK maybe that's abit dramatic....

I made a shepherds pie on Wednesday with quorn mince (because I don't eat red meat). I put the following in it, onion gravy, brown sauce, abit of hoi sin sauce, splodge of mustard and abit of reggae reggae sauce. Basically everything I could find in my fridge. I hate bland food and shepherds pie is sooo boring! Anyway it tasted OK but i hardly ate any, it was still boring and my appetite is abit off at the moment, Pete ate loads though so it must have been good.

It's so windy tonight the wheelbarrow is blowing around in the garden, I'm well scared! I'm scared it's going to blow into Alfie when he goes out to the loo or it's going to smash the window! It's seems to have stopped now so hopefully we'll survive!

Alfie meets baby again

I'm feeling alot better, weird ey? I bitch about the old amoxicillin and it seems to be working! i'm going to call the hospital and get another weeks worth, I have no idea why the chemist only gave me a weeks worth, I think the doctor probably didn't write how much I needed, sounds like something they would do!

Sunday was nice, Alfie was very well behaved. Ok I admit he growled at the baby (Petes nephew) if he came too close, but it was only a very quiet growl and I told him off and he stopped. The baby found Alfie very funny and keep laughing at him especially when he was playing catch with his ball. Alfie didn't bark at anyone which is really good! Obviously I watched him like a hawk so he didn't go near the baby and when the baby was toddling around I kept hold of him (Alfie not the baby). The baby is quite funny, when they put some music on he was dancing, also when people were clapping on the tv he clapped with them. It's quite entertaining to watch him! I didn't really go near him though, it may be because i'm slightly jealous Pete's sister has a baby so want to keep my distance, it may also be because I'm abit scared of hurting him or that he won't like me!

Monday I went shopping (sigh), I got a few Christmas presents and a new dress for a party i'm going to on Saturday. It's from River Island and it's navy blue and kind of silky, I also got some purple tights to wear with it but not sure if they will match.

Tuesday night my dad came around for tea, I cooked curry. My dad is a pain, he doesn't like rice, he just has to be arkward! He did bring us 3 bottles of wine though so i'll let him off for being a pain in the arse! I just did him some chips instead anyway.

I'm totally bored and finding any old excuse to waste time so I don't have to go and do something useful. So anyway here are some pictures of some hunky men for you to admire, Victoria's blog has got me thinking about hunky men all the time! The last one is off limits so back off! grr!!

taking it easy

I went to bed on Friday at half 9 cos I was feeling all achy and couldn't bear to stay awake for the sake of it. I did go to the gym beforehand and this woman started talking to me whilst I was on the treadmill, the conversation went this this

her: 'I cannot believe your so slim when you only walk on there'
me: 'yes well I have my reasons'
her: 'got a bad back?' (cos my hands were on my hips cos I was out of breathe
me: 'erm no, I have cystic fibrosis'
her: 'oh right, does this get rid of the water then?'
me: 'what?'
her: 'the water on your lungs does it loosen it?'
me: (totally amazed she actually seems to know abit about cf) 'well maybe abit but it's more to try keep my lung function up and healthy'
her: 'how long do you do this for then?'
me: '13 minutes, how long do you run for?'
her: 'oh about an hour'
me: (feeling slightly embarrassed at my pathetic 13 minutes of walking) 'wow wish I could run for that long!'
her: 'well you would if you could, how do you stay so slim?'
me: 'well I don't really put weight on, sometimes I have to take calorie shakes to keep it on'
We then talked about the state of the gym and things, at first I was thinking, don't talk to me silly woman I'm out of breath! But by the end she was ok, she said she had seen me around before and wondered how I had such a nice figure! Good to know people are watching me.....not!

Saturday I slept all afternoon and decided I could not face going out into town as has been arranged for about the past month. I was really gutted as I was really looking forward to it, but the state I'm in at the moment I could not face walking around in the cold, been tired and feeling even worse the next day because I had walked around in the cold and got drunk to make myself feel better. Plus these amoxicillin are making me feel abit sick so I don't think drinking would have helped this.

So I said everyone could still meet at mine because I wanted to see them and then after x-factor they could go out and I wouldn't. In the end they didn't even go out, 2 people dropped out and the other 2 said they felt like rubbish but still came around but didn't go into town which was nice of them. Now I'm not been funny but they kept going about feeling rubbish and when I'm sat there with pains in my chest, all gunk in my throat and chest, my head hurts and I'm so tired I'm really having to concentrate to follow what they are saying and I don't moan atall I cannot tolerate people moaning cos they have a hangover or feel abit 'tired' and keep going on about it, 'oh I feel crap' 'oh I can't eat', so dramatic! I did have 2 small glasses of wine to keep me going, they didn't even leave till after 11, I know it's not their fault cos x-factor was on so late, but god I was ready for bed! It's hard work!

My friends do sometimes annoy me, they don't mean to of course. You see they work and live at home, I don't work and don't live with my parents. You seeing a problem here? They have lots of money and have no idea what it takes to look after your own home, I have no money and appreciate the small things it does take to run your own home. Anyway they are my friends and I love them, but sometimes it's hard work.

Today Pete and I are going for lunch at his parents, I feel abit better after a nice lie in, so we will see how it goes. I think not going out was the right thing to do.

I would also like to mention that although i am glad Alexandra won x-factor and not JLS, I do not think the winners song is a very good choice. Hallelujah is supposed to be a very pure and raw song in my eyes and they have cheesed it up with choirs in the background and loud singing and wailing. I will not be buying it xx

Amoxicillin

I went for a port flush yesterday and mentioned to the nurse I was feeling abit under the weather so asked if I could have some Ciprofloxcin. This is an oral antibiotic I sometimes take if I feel abit rubbish but am not ready for iv's yet, it usually doesn't work but I'm willing to give it another try! She said she would get me a prescription but if I got worse to let them know and I could go on some iv's (erm no thanks not over Christmas thank you!).

Anyway turns out I can't have Cipro as I'm on voriconazole, so she has given me a prescription for Amoxicillin. What!? I instantly thought this sounds like some piffy drug that 'normal' people take! The feedback on the cf forum has supported this and I also looked it up on the Internet and apparently psuedomonas is resistant to it, so what is the point of it may I ask? I have noticed they have prescribed me double the amount recommended in the leaflet though so I've just called them to check this and they are going to call me back. The chemist has only given me a weeks supply if that's the case. A week?! Whats that going to do?! Jeez I might as well eat some sweets, they will probably work just as well!

Anyway I am going to take it and if I still feel rubbish in a week I will call them back, they will love me if I do that....I can't plan these things! This is just typical that this is happening close to Christmas, I knew it would! I have clinic on the 5th Jan so hopefully I'll be OK until then and then I can see how my lung function is. It's only like 3-4 weeks, I can do it!!

My symptoms of feeling rubbish are, the tiredness I have already mentioned although this is going abit, I'm very productive and had abit of blood in my sputum yesterday which is unusual for me and I am getting breathless more easily, clearly demonstrated when I went swimming on Wednesday. I'm still functioning though so i can't be that bad, we'll see how it goes

stamp machine madness!!

Well it would appear people are divided on the tinsel approach, I suppose some people need to buy tinsel else it would become extinct... that would be a real shame.... hehe.

I'm still feeling tired, I haven't even been swimming yet this week. I think I'm going to force myself to go today, I'm really productive though, what happens if I cough a big greenie up when swimming? If it's really big I might feel abit sick swallowing it! But I guess I will have to! I'm not going to use the gym showers, they make me cough as they are not very warm, so I think i'll give them a miss. I must keep up with my exercising, because stopping will just make me feel worse.

I walked to the post office with Alfie on Monday (it's about a 10 minute walk max) but it was raining, note to myself, do not walk Alfie in the rain. I put his coat on but I've never seen a dog in such a mood, walking so slow! I ended up carrying him home so he was under my umbrella as he had a right face on and was walking so slow I was practically dragging him! So then I felt like some stupid chihuahua owner carrying her chihuahua in his coat like a baby, I am not a Paris Hilton wannabe, but I am a Gemma who wants to get home before Christmas with a happy dog. Whats even worse is the stupid stamp machine outside the post office would only take the exact change and a book of 2nd class stamps is £3.24, it would not even take £3.25. This meant I could only buy one book as I didn't have enough coppers to make up another 4p for the 2nd book (isn't that typical? I usually have loads of 2ps and 1ps in my purse!!) and I couldn't queue in the post office because I had Alfie with me. Argh!!!! So anyway I could only get one book and hence only half of my Christmas cards have been posted, if your lucky enough to get a Christmas card from me it's because you got one of the stamps from my book! Other cards will be posted soon!!

Here is a nice non paper Christmas card for you, I think I have already emailed it to some of you, but for the rest of you, enjoy!

http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=0212320003

ps - Vicky seems to improving abit, apparently she is up and walking, this is great news!!

Christmas tree has made an appearance!

Wahoo we have put our Christmas decorations up! Check them out! Look at all the presents under the tree, I've been busy wrapping them up today!

I am very bossy when we do the tree, it has to be just right and Pete gets annoyed because I shout at him, I get this from my mother. When I was little we had 2 Christmas trees. One the kids were allowed to do and my mum did the big one for the living room by herself. The rules are quite simple:

rule 1) no tinsel, come on people it's tacky!

rule 2) colour coordination (ours is gold and red as you can see)

rule 3) the lights go up (please note, multi coloured lights are not acceptable) and they go up and down not around (according to my mum)

rule 4) then the beads go on and they go around, they cannot be too droopy and must gradually slope down

rule 5) baubles go on, must be equally spaced around, no two of the same should be near one another, you must step back and look at the tree to get the perfect result

rule 6) then the bows go on (I made these myself and it's not easy I can tell you!)

rule 7) nothing must be dangling form the bottom of the tree, it's sloppy and messy!

rule 8) spend the next 3 weeks up to Christmas looking at the tree and finding bits are that not perfect so correcting it by moving baubles/bows around until it looks perfect for Christmas morning

I've been feeling very tired these past few days and so I've been very irritable and everything has pi**ed me off! It's like no matter how much I sleep I still feel tired. I went to a Christmas meal with everyone who I do my volunteer work with on Friday, it was very nice, there are so many people that are part of the project now. When I first started I was one of the first mentors and it was a small project, at the party there were at least 30-40 people, it's pretty amazing really how it's grown. I then went home and took Alfie for a walk, but it's so cold I just spent half of the time coughing and I'm really productive and coughing loads up (I swear some of it is looking a brown colour, not good...). I then went to the gym, can't believe I actually made myself go. But I was just doing the stuff and starring into space, don't think I looked too happy because my trainer saw me and asked me if I was ok, of course I said I was fine like us people with cf do.

On Saturday night Pete and I went to a 30th Birthday party for someone who he works with. I didn't really feel up to going but I had a sleep before and Pete said we wouldn't stay too long. It was good because I haven't met anyone he works with before but that meant I had to make a good impression! It also meant I could also check out the girls he works with to see if there's any competition.... :o) They were better looking than I had hoped but nothing to worry about, I hope anyway!! grr! You girls can't deny it, it's what we do at parties, we look at others girls and judge them but also are nice to them, I'm not a bitch or anything it's just primal instinct! In fact I think I got on with them quite well and made a good impression but who knows? I'm still tired today, don't think drinking wine last night helped, I didn't get drunk though, just abit merry. Gutted Diana went from the x factor, especially since Pete and I have a bet on and I have definitely lost and Pete could win the bet as he said JLS will win. NO!!! Don't vote for JLS PLEASE!!

Theres snow! It must be Christmas!

Oh yes it's snowing! Check this out, I feel so christmassy now!!

I love Christmas, I know there are alot of Christmas haters out there. Why?! You get to eat loads of nice food, buy and receive gifts for everyone you love, there are sparkly decorations everywhere and you get to go to parties etc with your friends and family. Yes people hype Christmas up, those are the shops etc. wanting to make money. Yes it's only one day, but it's not really, Christmas is more about the build up, when I hear a Christmas song I get sooo excited, I'm excited about putting my tree up on Sunday. It's all so pretty and I really do think it is the season of goodwill. If we didn't have Christmas, how miserable would winter be?!

I'll be giving out my Christmas cards soon, I got them from the cf trust this year so at least the money has helped charity and also raises some awareness. I like to get Christmas cards that are actually related to Christmas, so one's with Jesus on and the 3 wise men. I've just ruined the surprise for everyone who I'm giving a Christmas card to now, lol! Some people don't do Christmas cards, I like them. It's a good way to wish people a merry Christmas who you don't see anymore or cant' see and obviously Christmas cards in the home make it look more Christmassy! I'll shut up now before you all want to kill me.....

I went shopping today with my mummy and I forgot my disabled sticker (doh!) and thought we were going to have to park miles away but my mum got a space really close to Debenhams (isn't she good?!) My mum now reads my blog so I have to say nice things about her, my dad has also found it and my brother, so basically I have no secrets anymore....! The shopping was very tiring, I don't particularly enjoy shopping, I just get warm, tired, my lips go all dry and I sometimes feel abit light headed. Now that I'm back home I feel like I'm going to fall to bits! I got Pete a few things, I obviously cannot say what I got as he reads this! My mum got me some boots, but I can't have them until Christmas day (of course). There are sales everywhere! It's well good!

Here are some pictures from the body shop party I went to on Saturday

My cousin who is my maid of honour for my wedding

My Auntie (my daddy's sister)

My mummy on the left and her friend on the right

Fun but exhausting weekend

Firstly I'd just like to say get well soon to one of my friends Vicky who is not doing so well at the moment, I hope you get well soon honey even if it means you have to stay in hospital for Christmas! She's a little fighter so I know she will be fine, she's on oxygen etc though so it's pretty scary, so please keep your fingers crossed for her.

I've not been feeling great myself but nothing compared to other people. I had a pretty busy week last week and didn't really get any lie ins which means I didn't get as much sleep as I need, this mixed with been on the go alot has left me feeling pretty exhausted. On Friday I went to the cinema with a friend from my old job who i haven't seen for awhile so it was good to catch up. We saw Changeling with Angelina Jolie in, I would highly recommend it, it almost had me in tears in parts and to know its based on a true story is terrible. I had my usual popcorn combo and so was satisfied with the evening as a whole :o). The film didn't finish until about 11.15 pm and it was so foggy driving home, it was pretty scary as I couldn't see at all where I was going! I didn't get to bed till about 12 because of nebs etc.

I then went to a body shop party on Saturday at my cousins so had a quick nap before I went (which meant I was late), I drank abit too much and spent too much money lol, my cousin and I went to the pub after to meet our fellas and drank abit too much more.... When I got home we watched abit of the x factor whilst I did my tobi nebuliser and I realised I had no re hydration sachets which wasn't very good as they are my saviour to prevent hang overs!

The next morning I couldn't even have a proper lie in as for some stupid reason I agreed to take the dogs for a walk with my cousin (I must have suggested this when in my drunken state) whilst the boys went to watch the football. So I had to do that and then go out for lunch with my friends which I arranged last week. So anyway by Sunday afternoon I was knackered and extremely grumpy, Pete got most of the wrath of tired Gemma to which I apologised to him the next day, he says I wasn't grumpy atall, I know he's lying...

So anyway Monday I had a nice big lie in and didn't get dressed till after lunch time. I did go swimming and did abit of vacuuming up, but that's about it. My lesson for the week is not to do so much, but it's so difficult when all these things are going on that you want to do, especially near Christmas!!

The acapella and I are not getting on so well, it hurts my cheeks! Because of the resistance I have to hold my cheeks in so they don't puff out and they are really aching and I actually have jaw ache today. I think it's also making me get a dry throat and so it's abit sore, or I'm getting a cold or coughing too much in the cold, who knows which is the cause?! So I have used the pep mask this evening and decided I need to ease the acapella in rather than dive straight in to using it all the time.

I nearly crashed my car this morning because of the ice! I reversed out of the parking space and then the car started sliding towards the other parked cars as its on a slope! I just sat there pressing my brakes wondering what the heck to do! So I put my foot down on the accelerator and there was loads of smoke coming from the back of my car and the car was not moving and then eventually it shot off, phew!!

Torias Eulogy

http://web.me.com/alex.crossland/Site/The_Eulogy_From_Victorias_Funeral.html

All I can say is wow, I hope one of my brothers can make me sound so amazing at my funeral!