Back in the North

Don't worry I'm still here, just about anyway!

London was brilliant, it has totally wiped me out though, hence why I have not blogged until now. London is evil, there are stairs everywhere. Next time we go I am refusing to get the tube, its bad enough struggling without people barging past you (everyone is in a rush in London) and trying to hurry you up. My body ached from top to toe, I was so tired on Wednesday that it was affecting my breathing, I guess I was trying to use as little energy as possible to breathe. Anyway all that aside here is what we got upto

On Tuesday after we arrived we went to the History of London Museum, I have no photos because you aren't allowed to take any. Then in the evening we went to see Henry VIII by Shakespeare at the Shakespeare's Globe, abit of interesting information for you, one of the first times this play was ever performed in 1613, a cannon shot burnt the Globe to the ground. Luckily that didn't happen when we went! The Globe theatre is not indoors, its a circle and if you are sat along the side then you are undercover, if you are stood in the middle you are not, and if it rains you get wet. Which it did, luckily we had posh seats at the top and so stayed nice and dry! The play was brilliant, the costumes were amazing, I really enjoyed it. Here's a picture of the set

Commoners getting all wet haha!

Lords and Ladies - nice and dry :o)

On Wednesday we went to National Gallery and it was very exciting because I got to see two paintings I really wanted to see. The Ambassadors (1533) is by Hans Holbein the Younger (see below, I managed to sneak a photograph of this one) and The Execution of Lady Jane Grey by Paul Delaroche (I couldn't sneak a picture of this one but below is one off the Internet). I won't bore you with information about these paintings!

Then Wednesday afternoon we went for a tour around the Palace of Westminster. Again no pictures were allowed, I swear you are not allowed to take pictures anywhere, there was even an announcement when we were on the tube that you can't take pictures on there! Don't give me any of that rubbish about its for security or its because it's historical, the house of commons is on TV every day live, so I don't think a picture of me stood in there would have harmed anyone. It's because they don't want their tours slowing down and people stood taking millions of pictures, getting in the way. Anyway rant over... The tour was really good, we went in this room called the Tudor and Stuart room, well you can imagine how happy I was in there! There were no MP's in sight, they are all in recess at the minute, so us commoners have the chance to look around, but we are not allowed to touch or sit on anything, heaven forbid! We were allowed to take pictures of Westminster Hall (wahoo!), this was where the trials of people were held such as William Wallace, Charles I, Guy Fawkes and Thomas More. Also they found a tennis ball in the roof that dates from when Henry VIII was King, so he may have played tennis there!

Wednesday evening (by which point I felt like I was dying, but happily!) we went to see the play Anne Boleyn at the Globe again. This play was quite funny and easier to follow as it was not Shakespeare, here's the set for this play

On Thursday we went to Windsor Castle, I would not recommend going here. It is far too overpriced for what you get to see and it's not even a very nice looking castle. Plus you spend half of your time queuing! Anyway we went because Henry VIII is laid to rest in St Georges Chapel with Jane Seymour, there isn't much to see though. They are in a tomb under the ground so all there is, is a plaque on the floor. Not sure if Henry would be very happy with that! The state apartments were nice to look around and I admit there are some interesting paintings on the wall including some Tudor one's, but to be honest I was so tired I was ready for home! Again no photos were allowed inside....

Here are some other photos from the trip

We like escalators!

I went to outpatients today (at 8.50am ekkk!!) and I am starting IV's on Thursday damn it! But I shall go into that in another blog as I think this one is long enough and I've probably bored you with all my information!

Silly Cold!

Well this cold is officially trying to make my life a misery but I’m not going to let it!

It's not like I’m in bed dying or anything, I’m still out and about, but it's limiting me and I don't like being limited. Plus I feel it's dragging me closer and closer to IV's which I am not happy with, it would be OK if IV's were as simple as I have a needle in and have some antibiotics pumped into me for two weeks. However it’s not so simple is it? Its two weeks of pure misery and feeling like poop, and I still feel like I am recovering from the last lot! Surely such aggressive and miserable treatment should be rewarded by weeks of feeling good and having a life? Well I feel my last course of IV's should give me at least 12 good weeks, it owes me that much!

I just have loads of mucus in my throat constantly and it tastes horrible which is making me feel sick. It's dripping and sticking and making my chest crackle. It's causing me to do very loud coughs that make all my veins pop out of my head and makes people feel the need to comment on that I have a bad cough (yes thanks Sherlock), I am spending alot of my time trying not to loosen anything to try not to cough because it just uses so much energy it tires me out! What I do is try store it all until I’m on my own, then just let it all out, and then spend 5 minutes waiting for the spinning in my head and dots in front of my eyes to disappear. The worst thing though is it is just making me tired which makes me in a bad mood, which makes me feel miserable. I am not sleeping well either which is probably contributing, I’m sweating and having freaky dreams, I assume because I am back on the voriconazole.

Anyway the good news is, I have my mini back! Wahoo!!!! They have cleaned it too, yeay! Friday morning was a good morning as she pulled up outside my house and we went for a little drive together, Gemma and mini back together at last! I'm going to be really sad when she goes, I’m not particularly excited about getting my new car because I love my mini so much!

On Friday afternoon I helped my Nana look after my cousins little girl who is two years old. Let’s just say I am now sick of Peppa Pig and Pingu! She’s lovely though and it was good fun! On Monday we had to take Alfie to the vets, he couldn't walk and was whimpering in pain. It meant I had to miss yoga damn it! She thinks he has hurt his back so gave him an injection for the pain and he did limp around for a few more days but now he is back to his normal self. He needs to realise how small he is and stop jumping off everything, no matter how big it is!

On Saturday night I had to cancel seeing my friends which was disappointing. They were going into town which I had said I couldn't do as I want to reserve myself for London, however they were going to come to mine first before going into town. However I was really tried after working at the shop and the dogs had been on their own all day (looking after Murphy too) so I had to take them for a walk, then cook tea and get a bath and do physio. Alfie was sick everywhere from excitement when I got home and then got poo on his paw on our walk so he had to have bath just adding to my list of things to do, least he is only small! Pete was out so I had no help and I was just exhausted so had to cancel, I just couldn't get everything done by the time they arrived and then sit and talk for a few hours, just wanted to turn into a vegetable in front of the TV!

I am so excited about our trip to London, I have planned what we are doing each day and bought a little map of London and the tube so I can plan how we will get to each place. I'm going to be so tired when we get back, but I don't even care, it will be worth it!

Amazingness

I think yesterday I may have managed to out-do my own amazingness!

I took all of the following tablets in one go:

2 Amoxicillin
2 Paracetamol
1 Sudafed
1 Taurine Capsule
2 Azithromycin
1 Vit E capsule
1 Singulair tablet
1 Lansaprozole
1 Voriconazole
2 Urso (the third got stuck on my tongue damn it so I can't claim the third was included in my gulp as it was not!)

Now you can't tell me that's not amazing, that's 14 tablets in one go and have you seen the size of Amoxicillin tablets?!

I also took two nutrizym together without a drink earlier in the day (I was driving and fancied the galaxy ripple in my bag). I've only just started being able to take tablets without a drink, so downing two at the same time was pretty impressive.

Seriously, my own amazingness scares me sometimes..... haha!

The Common Cold

Somehow over the weekend I have managed to develop a cold! It only dawned on my last night that it could be a cold, I already mentioned I was achy and tired last week. Then on Saturday I developed a headache which I thought was a tension headache because of the surrogacy social event. Then yesterday I realised my nose felt bunged up, not blocked as I can still breathe through it, but kind of throbbing between my eyes because it feels like there is extra mucus squeezed in up there. So I thought about it all, as my chest has being quite productive the past week and the mucus has been lighter in colour which would indicate to me its not sputum from the depths of my lungs, but more like snot (yes lovely I know!) and I have come to the conclusion I have a cold. I don't seem to get colds very often, however when I woke up this morning I am convinced its what it is. My head feels crammed and the pressure is not nice and my chest feels heavy because I'm having to think about breathing more then usual if that makes any sense.

I'm not very happy about this as it is Pete and I's trip to London next week and I don't want it to make my chest all horrible and ruin the trip. So I have called the hospital and they are writing me a prescription for some Amoxicillin which I'm going to go and collect later. This should hopefully keep me going and give my body a fighting chance! I know antibiotics don't work against viruses, however I think the reason a cold makes my chest worse is because it makes my body weaker? So the infections get stronger? So the antibiotics help me with the fight. That's my theory anyway! The doctor agreed that I probably needed some too, I probably wouldn't have bothered to call them if I wasn't going away next week.
I also started voriconazole on Sunday as its my month on again, so that should help keep the nasty fungus' in order!

The social event on Saturday was great! It's weird, because I want them to see me as well enough to look after a child so I was trying to hide my CF to some extent i.e. trying not to cough, discreetly taking my tablets, made out I work part time when in reality its not really part time atall! Not that I lied or anything, I just find it interesting how in different situations I make myself come across differently depending on the situation and what I want them to think of me! I hate it when people ask me what my job is, its not really an area I want to get into with some people I have just met! I hate the thought of people thinking that I'm either lazy or that I'm this really sick person! We all know how the media portray people who don't work and receive state benefits, it's not in a positive way!
You can read more on the social event on my surrogacy blog, it really was nice to meet others in our situation and learn more about the 'surrogacy' world. I was so tired afterwards, socialising can be such hard work, especially when its with new people so you are on your guard more. I had a kip on the way back and also when I got home!

Jo Was Neglected

Remember Jo?

She passed away last November after finally getting on the transplant list. Well it turns out the reason she died is because the medical staff did not look after her properly when she was admitted to hospital with suspected Meningococcal Septicaemia.

Words cannot describe how I felt yesterday and today as I have read articles about how she was treated. She didn't deserve this, don't these people realise that they are responsible for peoples lives? She is dead because of their neglect, it makes me sick.

I can't fault the NHS in lots of areas, the CF care I receive is brilliant. However these particular people let Jo down, I just can't believe this is what became of her after all her battles with CF. It makes me scared that I rely on these people, just like Jo did, and in her time of need they didn't help her. It's enough to put you off going to A & E for life.

For some of the articles click here and here

Link to the local News

Fly Hunting

I've had a pretty dull week really, I have been quite achy and feeling rather tired, so it's not really given me the motivation to do anything! I'm feeling better today so maybe it was just abit of a virus or something? Who knows!

I went for my port flushing on Wednesday, that all went well. Alfie and I went for a walk beforehand and the heavens opened, leaving one very wet dog looking rather like a rat and one miffed off lady with a dry head thanks to an umbrella but very wet legs and feet! We went for another walk yesterday that went alot better and Alfie was very well behaved, he didn't bark at any other dogs and even when one tried to jump on him, he quietly growled and ran off rather than try to start a fight. Very proud of my little munchkin!

We have a fly living in our house, it just won't go away! It has lived with us for about five days now, I have no idea how it is surviving but it is and its driving me crazy. It's everywhere I go, I've tried to hit it with a towel, even Alfie has chased after it on several occasions, which is hilarious. I think this is why I have secretly not made a proper attempted to kill it, Alfie jumps off furniture, jumps in the air and even sniffs around for it, it is SO funny! I keep meaning to video it, if I remember I'll put the video on here.

We are going to a surrogacy social event on Saturday, I am so scared! We were supposed to get matched up with some buddies to look after us, but our buddies have not made any contact so the organiser has just given us her number incase we have any problems. So now we are buddyless! Not a good start! Although, the event is in Stockport which is handy because that is where Pete is from, so at least we know where we are going! Not really sure what will happen at this event, but there will be other intended parents and perhaps some women who want to be surrogates as well, so quite nerve wracking! Wish us luck!

Must Be Feeling Good!

Well my hair is looking abit better so I'm not sure what I am going to do yet. I basically put some conditioner on it and left it on for about 2 hours with a shower cap on to try retain some of the heat and also so it didn't dribble down my face! I might try having it done with blonde colour rather than bleach next time and if its still as dry as straw then move onto the brown.

My mini has gone for repairing (sob!) and my courtesy car is a new corsa, its very slow, I can't wait to get my mini back! I can't zoom around in this slug! Although I must admit it was handy when we went food shopping on Sunday, we actually fitted all our shopping in the boot. It's a miracle! Usually most of the shopping has to go on the back seat, it's a pain to say the least.

I seem to have been very busy lately but I can't tell you doing what. This is a sign my health must be quite good at the moment, I'm just busy having a life! I went to the pub with my friends on Wednesday night and I went swimming on Thursday, been taking Alfie on walks, went to the cinema on Friday with Pete to see Inception which was a very good film. Then went out on Saturday night into town which was a good night. Had abit of a problem walking between the bars as it was uphill, but I survived! We usually just go to one bar, but went into town earlier this time so went to a few. I will not be doing that in winter though, I do not like hacking my guts up thank you very much!

I got in at about 2am and ate my subway sandwich in the living room, the reason I do this is that everytime I go out I forget to take some nutrizym with me and suffer the next day, so now I save my sandwich and eat it when I get home. I then did my tobi nebuliser which I was debated whether to do whilst eating my sandwich, seriously I had a full on debate in my head about the pros and cons of doing my tobi nebuliser.

The pros were - I wouldn't feel guilty for missing a dose, its good not to miss a dose, I could brag on my blog about how compliant I am, it means I can put off having to brush my teeth, wash my face etc for another 10 minutes. The cons - Its going to take forever because I'm drunk and can't breathe in for long periods of time when I drunk, it's going to be forever until I get to bed because I need to brush my teeth and wash my face etc yet and I'm SO tired, it might make me sick, does it really matter if I miss one dose?!

So there we go that's what I thought whilst eating my sandwich, along with 'yum this sandwich was worth the wait!' and 'I wish Alfie and Murphy would stop looking at me like that to try get some of my sandwich!' and 'these shoes that were supposed to be comfy were SO not comfy, my feet hurt'.

Last week I ran out of my nutrizym 10 tablets which was very silly of me. I was having my breakfast and my pot was empty so went to my cupboard and the cupboard was bare!! Luckily I had a small supply in my bag (I have a little tablet holder I take around with me) but that was it! I rang my local chemist, they are the best chemist ever, they are so helpful and have more than once given me the correct tablets when the GP has written me for the wrong ones. Luckily they had a pot of Nutrizym in stock, which was very lucky indeed, it's not a commonly used tablet as you can imagine and they usually have to order them in for me. They agreed to lend me a pot until I got a prescription from my GP's, which takes 2 working days. Panic over! I swear if I couldn't get any, I would have just not eaten until I got some. The pain I would have endured for eating and not digesting my food would have not been worth it! Oh and the smells coming from the bathroom would have had Pete begging me to stop eating! haha!

My Female Crushes

I'm really hating the way I look at the moment, I don't know why really. I suppose it's because I have put abit of weight on and my hair seems to be thinning and not looking as curly and big as normal, plus my skin seems to be blotchy and I've had a few spots on my face. I'm thinking about changing my hair colour to give my hair a break from the bleach, but the problem is that I hate having brown hair, I think I look boring and it fades so quickly and goes dull. I thought about having it a reddy/brown but my mum says it will make me look even more pale. It sucks having pale skin! It's weird because all the women I wish I looked like and think are gorgeous have brown hair, my favourite lady of all time is Rachel McAdams. I think she is so beautiful and she has the most cutest smile ever, that's a fact! I just love her in the film The Notebook, that's one of the only films I have ever watched and thought it was better than the book, and it's because of her!

I also love Natalie Portman, although not as much as Rachel because Natalie Portman played Anne Boleyn very badly in the film the Other Boleyn Girl, think it was more of a bad script though. She is still totally gorgeous, what a bitch!

So those are my two favourite ladies and as you can see, brunettes! Ladies, who are your favourite ladies? I love knowing!

Reflections

I've had a very busy week, in fact I haven't even unpacked my suitcase yet which is so unlike me!

On Monday I ordered my new car, I've gone for the new Astra, pertol SRI in the colour waterworld which is a darkish blue colour. Not very interesting compared to yellow which is what I currently have, but it appears vauxhall don't like doing fun colours!

I also had to ring my insurance company because my numpty husband reversed the mini into the McDonalds drive through window on Saturday night/Sunday morning when we got back from our holiday! There was no damage to McDonalds but I can't say the same for my car! The car is still drivable but all the back right side of the car is mashed in and the light is smashed, the light is still working though. It's not even funny really, we have rear parking sensors for goodness sake! Luckily the excess is alot lower now we are 25 but it means I won't get my £200 bonus when I return the car (if you don't claim on your insurance and the car isn't damaged they reward you). Can't complain though as at least I don't have to worry about my insurance going up etc and when they collect my car next Wednesday I will get a courtesy car, I don't like driving around with a bump in my car and people thinking I'm a bad driver, it wasn't me!...!

On Monday the lady from Scope where I volunteer came around to see me as I had agreed to help them interview for two posts for a new project commencing in the Halifax area, basically doing what our project does now. The interviews were on Tuesday and Wednesday and she just wanted to show me the questions, explain what would happen etc. It was quite fun interviewing people, there are some weird people out there who have some very strange opinions on disability. One thing which surprised me was how many people think disabled people think the barriers they face are taught to them and actually more in their head than actually existing and apart from physical barriers such as there not being a ramp, they didn't have a clue of other types of barriers. One comment which we all couldn't believe and actually had me in a fit of laughter and coughing fit ,(afterwards of course, we all kept very serious during the interview) was clearly disciminatory against wheelchair users, which is a great way to come across if you are applying for a job to work for a charity that believes in equality...!

The two days tired me out completely, we got takeaway on Wednesday night as I was too tired to cook and Pete didn't get home till late. I got quite upset actually because A) I was very tired and B) I had been interviewing people for a job I would actually quite like to do myself and was so angry it was clear I'd never be able to do it as I was exhausted from just interviewing for the job. This set me in very bad mood the next day when I was helping out at my mums barber shop which I wish I hadn't had to do as I was so tired. Plus I was majorly pissed off I have somehow ended up cutting people's hair which is not really what I had in mind as a career path years ago and it's not really my passion. Luckily the shop was quiet which is what I had counted on and I spent alot of the day reading my book. The past few days have just made me feel deflated, I've had an insight into what I could do if my health was better and an insight into what I actually do. I usually accept that this is my life now and the most of the time I am happy with it, loads of people end up doing things differently to what they thought and I am not miserable how my life has turned out. I know I am very lucky my mum owns a business that means I can just help out a few hours a week and it's pretty easy going when it's not busy, however sometimes I still wish I did have another life, well not another life as I quite like my life in general, just a better body!

Today I am just resting, I'm so tired I'm just going to take it easy. I have a few things I need to do like unpack my suitcase (finally!) and I haven't been to the gym yet this week as I have been far too tired so I might try go swimming later but somehow I doubt I will! In a way this week has been good for me too, I have been so tired from my busy days I have really struggled to force myself to do my physio/nebs and like I say I haven't been to the gym. So in a way it has also reminded me why I did give up work. I couldn't do this every week. Poor Pete has put up with my little physio tantrums 'I'm not doing it!' 'I'm sick of doing physio, it's all I ever do!' seriously, I'm like a little kid when I'm tired! So in a way this week has helped me reflect on a few things, good and bad.

Bonjour!

I'm back!

Incase you haven't realised, I have been on my holiday!

Health is good, mamanged to be 100% compliant with all my treatment, here is a picture for evidence. Wasn't easy as it meant I had to leave the side of the pool earlier to get physio done and get to pool later in the morning to get physio done! But needs must, I didn't want to come back feeling rubbish!

We stayed in a gorgeous villa in kind of the middle of nowhere! It was about 2 hours from Bordeaux which is where we flew to. There wasn't much to do apart from relax, not many restaurants, places to visit etc but it was great for a week to just get away and chill out. We went with Petes parents, his sister, her partner and their little boy and Petes other sister. Here are some pictures, enjoy!