11th September 2009

So it's all over, I am now Mrs Gleave! We had a brilliant day, the weather was great, I loved every minute of it and I love my husband (yikes!) with all my heart. Thank you for all your cards, messages and presents!!!

Heres a video of pictures I have got off facebook, the professional ones will be available on Friday however I shall be in Thailand! The song is what we had for our first dance (the band sung it though).

See you in 2 weeks...!!

Goodbye Miss Harrison

So this is probably going to be my last blog before the big day! I will try do one before we go on our Honeymoon to Thailand, maybe put some pictures on if I have any I can nick off people off facebook or something!

Today I had my roots done and a light trim and then I have been doing other various bits and bobs including ordering some Thai bahts and giving Alfie a bath. I did some of my waxing last night, got the most painful section over with first and shall do thee old legs this evening, how exciting......!

We have the wedding rehearsal in an hour which should be interesting and maybe it will actually sink in as people keep asking me if I am nervous and I don't feel very nervous, is this normal?!

Anyway, bye for now and when I return I should be Mrs Gleave.... unless Pete does a runner on me!!!!! In which case I have may have difficulty doing my blog from jail since I will be in there for GBH or murder!! haha!!

Housewife Gemma.....!

Had outpatients today, my last one as a single lady may I add!

My fev1 has increased abit to 46% which is promising and my weight is stable (as usual). Apparently my last bloods showed I had a slightly elevated crp level of 39, I love the way they tell me these things and then don't really elaborate on what the implications of this are. I go 'oh right' and they go onto the next thing. Today I saw a registrar who I have never met before but he seemed ok, although he went and got a nurse to watch whilst he listened to my chest. No other doctors do that so don't know what that was about...!

I keep having really vivid and nasty dreams again (mainly wedding related), I assumed this was to due with pre wedding nerves. However then I recalled this happened last time I was on voriconazole so I think it is definitely a side effect. I did ask the doctor about this and he looked at the side effects, there is hallucinations, anxiety, delusions but no mention of nightmares/sleep disturbance so guess it's just me then!

He has given me some ciprofloxin and steroids to take on the honeymoon just incase I start to go downhill or get really wheezy whilst away. I also got a prescription for some salt tablets and some letters to take with saying I am fit to fly with oxygen on long haul and without on short haul flights and another letter saying 'please let Gemma through with all her drugs because she needs them' (not the exact wording!). So I am all ready to go!

My next outpatients appointment isn't until the 23rd October which feels ages away! I'll need a port flush before then though so that will keep my withdrawl symptoms at bay. No seriously, if I don't go to the hospital for many weeks I feel abit panicky, it kind of makes me feel safe been checked up on every few weeks! It might sound stupid but going to hospital and knowing everything is ok is part of my routine in life, so a long break feels weird....!

Alfie and Murphy had a practise run at the dog sitters today, the lady is a performer and was practising singing Abba songs with her friend (who used to be in Emmerdale, trust Alfie to get to hang out with people off the tv!), apparently the dogs sat and watched them which I found quite funny. I took Alfie for walk beforehand to try tire him out abit, he's getting extremely good off his lead now.

This evening I made a fish pie from scratch, I skinned the fish, made the white sauce and the mash potato. It was very nice, quite proud of myself! Getting the hang of this housewife thing hahaha!

Wedding madness

Wow can't believe it's friday already! One week today I get married!

I've not really been upto much, just doing loads of small things. We went to see the photographer on Wednesday night to go through everything and I went to see the florist yesterday. It's really annoying because I have written a list of everything I need to do each day next week and there is loads to do but I can't really do any of it this week, so i'm sat around bored knowing I have a hetic week coming up and there is nothing I can do about it!

Heres my schedule for next week

Monday: Hospital appointment, take Alfie for practise run with the dogsitter

Tuesday and Wednesday: Do the favours, pack stayover bags, drop vases off at florists, get hair coloured and cut, wedding rehearsal at the church, do some DIY hair removal with wax (ouchies) ;o)

Thursday: Pick dress up, pick the cake up, go look at the flowers to check are ok, get eyebrows and nails done, drop Alfie off at the dog sitters, go to reception venue to put everything out

Friday: Get married!!!!!!

This weather is horrible, it's either raining or really windy so I haven't been able to take Alfie out so he is fed up too. It's supposed to pick up next week, fingers crossed!!
I've nearly finished watching all the True Blood seasons upto date, going to be lost once i've run out of them to watch! Chantelle is very nice and lending me the books, so that should keep me going for awhile! I also went to the library the other day and ordered some books to take on my honeymoon. I've bought some factor 30 and 50 suncream for our honeymoon (since now I have to stay on voriconazole until the day we set off so will burn easily for the first 5 days!!). So all ready to jet off to Thailand! Thats all for now! Bye!

Morngy Cow

Here's an interesting bit of information for you. On Saturday morning at 6.45am I was woken up by the sound of a cow mooing. Now I know what you are thinking, I live somewhere like Emmerdale because I live in Yorkshire and I am woken by cows and a cockerel yesterday too!

Well sorry but no I don't live in a tiny village where tractors are the main mode of transport and we all walk around in wellies or jodhpurs. Although saying this..... my dad did used to live on a farm and my mum did meet him because she kept her horses there.... and we did used to have a tractor in our garden..... oh no! I DO live somewhere like Emmerdale farm! It's a good job I am marrying someone from the other side of the Pennines, I know there is little chance I can be related to him! :o)

This blog has no real topic to as I have nothing interesting to inform you of, infact the cow incident is the most interesting thing!

Pete and I went to see Inglorious Basterds on Thursday, it was very good if you like those type of films (long, intense dialogue, weird sick humour and mexican standoffs). We went to a different cinema though and I was not impressed with the popcorn, think I will stick with cineworld!

Also watched Wuthering Heights on ITV over the bank holiday, seriously how sad is that story?! I still want to read the book though so going to try get a cheap copy off ebay, surely there must be an old battered copy I can get for about 50p!

Nosey...

Been the nosey person I am, I have created a little poll to see who you guys are and why you might find my blog interesting (look to your right). I'd be very grateful if you could complete it. It will finish on my wedding day so I will have something to look at when I get back the next day as I will probably be feeling abit deflated and tired because it will be all over! Not sure a poll will pick me up but we shall see!!
Cheers!!

True Blood

My new obsession is a series called True Blood (Thanks for that Jo!). In this programme vampires live amongst humans since the development of synthetic blood, this means they don't need to drink from humans anymore so want to 'main stream' and have legal rights etc. There is discrimination against vampires, a new illegal drug on the market called 'V' (Vampires blood) and alot of weird vampire/human sex going on, the humans get nicknamed 'fang bangers'. It's quite dark and weird, check out the link, even the opening credits are unusual and strange!

http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=5r77tta6HPw

A glimpse inside my head

I’m feeling really fed up at the moment, I can’t stop worrying and planning, I’m constantly thinking all the time.
I’m sick of my parents hating each other and I’m dreading a bust up at the wedding, I’m sick of them getting me involved and using me as a tool.
My parents split has not put me off getting married atall, life is what you make it and if Pete and I want to be with other, only we can determine how that will turn out. But to be honest I don’t think we could have picked a worse time to get married.

When I’m upset about something it makes me feel hollow inside and I get all these crazy thoughts about how I can solve the problem. However I cannot solve this problem, its out of my control, I haven’t even done anything wrong so why do I feel so pathetic?! It makes me feel sick and this makes me think I should stop eating, if I lost some weight maybe it would create something else to worry about and the other things would go away. Told you it makes me think crazy things!

Today at outpatients the nurse commented that I looked fed up, I told her I was and why, I felt stupid, as if she wants to know all my problems. I cried on the way home because its just nice to tell someone, someone who isn’t caught up in everything, someone on the outside. I feel like I can’t say anything to anyone without pissing someone off, whatever I do doesn’t please everyone and even if I just do what I want it’s exactly the same. I watched Smallville this morning and the female character had faked her own death (or something like that) and gone to a different country to get away, I wish I could do that sometimes. I can’t wait till our honeymoon, maybe I won’t come back!

I try to think when I’ve felt like this before and I got through the other end, but it doesn’t help me feel better for now does it?

I know my family read this blog, I probably haven’t helped the situation by writing this but I feel like I’m going crazy.

So you see, even people with cf have non cf problems

Outpatients: fev1 43%, weight 55.5kg, sats 97%. I have to go back the Monday before our wedding so they can check how I am doing. Apparently I have an unknown fungus growing on my lungs, anyone would think I live in a barn!

Sad News

I am absolutley gutted to have just read that Vicky passed away last night. After been in hospital for over 6 months she finally gave in, is no longer in pain and has gone up to Heaven. She will be joining her fiance who also passed away in 2006 (also due to cf I believe). May they rest in peace together. My thoughts are with her close friends and family, they should be proud of her because she was such a strong and lovely little lady.

Repeat Prescriptions!

On Thursday I went my GPs to pick up my prescription, I had asked her to prescribe 2 months worth of medication because with the wedding and honeymoon its likely I might not have chance to go collect some more in 4 weeks. Does anyone else think its the most stupid system? You drop your request off then you can't pick up the prescription until 2 days later. This is because the woman who does them is not actually qualified to sign off prescriptions so she writes them all out and then a doctor has to sign them, hence the 2 days of doing something that the hospital doctor can do in about 30 seconds.

So I went to pick it up and she had missed some stuff off and prescribed me some stuff for 2 months and some stuff for one month. I'd even done my own note to her with everything neatly listed as I went through my medicine cupboard, I mean its not that hard is it? What is hard is going through it all and trying to recall from my memory every single medication I am on and if they are on this prescription she has handed to me.

So I told her (very politely may I add) that she had made some errors, she asked me to go through it and write down what I needed (ahem I already did this when I handed the nice neat note in 2 days ago) then said 'ok I will have it ready for you by next week'. WHAT?! My GP's is a 15 minute drive away, its not at the end of my road. Needless to say I had to leave before I did something I could have got arrested for.

Here's an idea..... instead of having this useless woman (who I'm sure just works on reception) writing my prescriptions, why don't I write them myself and then get the doctor to sign it myself? Would save myself alot of hassle!!!!!

Anyway I took the prescription I did have (with many items missing) to the chemist and informed them I would pick it up tomorrow (Friday) so I didn't have to wait around, plus they have to order half of the stuff in.

Friday morning I sent Pete to pick up the prescription, he came home empty handed. Apparently it wasn't ready yet, it would be ready in the afternoon. Well that's useful because I would be at a wedding then! So I had to ask my dad to go and collect it Saturday morning as we wouldn't be back by lunchtime when it closes.

Saturday afternoon and thank god my dad had remembered to go collect it as I'd run out of nearly everything. Still no sign on my tobi though!! So I haven't had any tobi since Thursday morning and it's now Monday. This is because the lovely tobi people will only let the chemist buy it directly from them so it takes forever to get hold of, plus the lovely GP will only write me a prescription for 28 days worth, even though most months have 30 days in them. It can take upto a week to get hold of tobi, so if you work this out I have to wait 2 days to get the tobi prescription from the GPs (if I'm lucky she will remember to put it on the prescription), then a week from the chemist then if I have 28 days worth I need to be arranging my next lot 19 days later! I tell you, you have to laugh otherwise you might just cry!

Back to Friday morning.... I woke up with a banging headache that I could not shift through any amount of painkillers which was disappointing since I had been looking forward to this wedding. I don't think I was much fun really throughout the day, abit quiet since talking doesn't exactly help a headache. It was a lovely day and all went smoothly although the bride was late and the groom was getting slightly worried! After the meal I had a sleep for about half an hour after taking a load more painkillers and then did my physio, realising I had brought everything apart from the chamber I need to do my dnase through my i-neb, doh! The sleep seemed to do the trick with regards to the headache, only took about 14 hours to shift lol. So then I was ready to party!!! Lets say I got bungalowed and Pete and I were the last ones standing of the night, I even got everyone up on the dancefloor as it was empty for about the first 3 hours. So anyway I think I made up for my quietness throughout the day.Oh here's a tip for you, if you are hungover in the morning and feel sick DO NOT do your acapella.....

Bride and Groom (Petes Uncle)

Abit drunk....

My future father-in-law and sister-in-laws!