Mysterious auburn haired girl

I had a dream last night that I met up with a girl who had cf, this girl isn't anyone I know, all I remember is she had really long auburn hair and was very pretty. She was quite famous in my dream and I went to see her talk about getting a lung transplant, in my dream I just ran up to her and hugged her and started crying. She was really nice to me and knew I had cf without even asking and took me for a coffee. I don't remember what in the dream we talked about but all I know is I woke up extremely happy and content and wanted to fall back asleep and spend some more time with this girl. Its the happiest dream I have had in awhile, my dreams are usually stressful or scary, I don't have many nice ones. I couldn't understand why this dream made me so happy this morning but i've been thinking about it as I believe dreams are quite powerful.

I guess its because in my dream I was speaking to someone who completely understood me. This is stupid, even other people with cf don't totally understand me or know everything i'm feeling. I'm sure they will have more of an idea than non-cf people but still ,they are not me.

This is another thing I hate about cf. Because of cross infection, we are not allowed to be near each other. This means in hospital i'm very lucky if I even get a glimpse of another patient, even when an inpatient on the ward. The hospital are very strict and I know it is for our own good. Obviously out of hospital we can do as we please and if we want to meet up with someone with cf, we can do, its a free country. However we know that we can give infections to one another, some people are willing to do this, others are not. I am not, I have aways felt that if the hospital spends so much money and time making sure we don't come into contact, theres a good reason behind it. However, this makes having cf a very lonely place to be.

Most people who have an illness, will go to support groups, meet up with other people who have their condition. We can't do that. Yes we can talk online, we have the cf forum which is great, we could even talk on the phone, whatever: its not the same as sitting down with someone like friends do, going out together, visiting each other in hospital, going to the cinema etc.

This is what makes cf even worse, its lonely and until a few years ago when my cf didnt play a big part it didnt bother me. But now cf seems to affect everything and im turning into somekind of computer nerd spending all my time on my laptop cos its the only place I can talk to people about cf, cos they also have cf. I sometimes think I should cut myself off from the cf forum and spend more time with 'normal' people, but they talk about things that I can't relate to or am not interested in. Things that are important in my life are medications, physio, coughing etc, its sad but true!! Yes there are other things as I illustrate in my blog but cf is a major part in my life and I can't ignore it! it's a part of me and kind of dominates my life and what I do in a way. I'm not trying to be negative about my cf here, i'm trying to be honest. And it would be nice to be able to have friends (real ones not cyber ones) that I can be myself with and talk about things that matter to me. My friends try to understand but I feel like i'm giving them a lesson rather than discussing things with them, plus I don't want them to feel i'm moaning or seeking attention. I'm not saying if I had cf friends we would talk about cf all the time, god that would be depressing, but maybe we would see things in life the same, prioritise the same things, be able to appreciate things together that maybe others don't and know each others limits. But sadly this won't happen and I think that is why I enjoyed this dream so much. I'm just glad I have found friends online to fill some of the gap, but I still secretly hope that the mysterious auburn haired girl returns to my dreams once in a while xx