Not Happy!

I finished my IVs today, I feel so free!!! No more having to get up just to do the morning dose, no more itchy port that drives me crazy! I can have a shower tomorrow, I can let water flow over me all and not have to worry about my stupid needle! You don't know how much I have been fantasizing over itching the damn port! I think it went manky because I cleaned it last week with a steret thingy and I think I might be allergic to them... It went downhill from there but since then it seems to have healed quite abit and gone all flaky which I enjoyed itching off this afternoon, you can't imagine the pleasure! Pete claims I was itching it in my sleep, I pretended to have no recollection of this, I did really...! hehe!

So my weight is now 53.3 kg and my lung function is fev1 31% fvc 44% so even lower! ARGHHHHHHHHH!!! I am so mad at my stupid body! Apparently my infection levels are not even high, my crp from my last bloods was 7 which is low! All this leads to the conclusion that this is not a bacterial problem but a fungal one. So hey presto I am back on voriconazole and have to go back on the 21st December to see how I am doing. I feel like I can't blow the air out of my lungs, its there but can't get out, like I'm blowing through a straw. The physio mentioned doing some extra lung function tests to look at things in more detail, I don't know if she mentioned it to the doctor. I feel like whatever I do isn't good enough for my stupid lungs, what do they want from me?! I try my hardest to do everything I need to do to stay well and it just doesn't help, sometimes I feel like giving up because nothing is good enough.

Pete and I have seen a bungalow we really like, we are having a second viewing on Sunday. Its a dormer bungalow with one bedroom downstairs and two upstairs. If we get our own place with a mortgage I am going to feel very grown up! We will see how it goes anyway, might not even be able to afford it!

I did my first lot of Christmas shopping on Monday, I can't last long, I think I managed about an hour and a half. I got a fair few bits, it's a start anyway!