Decisions to make

Well I felt bad for my car so I took him to the hand car wash where some very nice gentlemen washed my car for me whilst I sat inside nice and comfy with Alfie who was petrified the whole time. My car is now lovely and clean, well it was until it rained this afternoon, its probably dirty again now.

Yesterday I found out I cannot claim incapacity benefit as I have not contributed enough NI, which is abit of a bummer. Ive been practically working part time or full time since I was 15 years old, even when I was doing my degree (apart from one year I took out) so don't see how its possible I have not contributed enough, but there you go. Anyway she has said I can apply for youth incapacity benefit but have to wait 6 months! Erm so I have to live on thin air until then.... I've applied for income support anyway but not sure if i'll get anything as Pete works full-time, he's an assistant town planner incase you were wondering what he does.

I got a call from the university today saying they have found me a work placement in Rotherham which is about 40 minutes away from where I live so quite far considering petrol and time it will take travelling. I still don't know if I want to go back to university, I dont know if it will make my health deteriorate with all the travelling, work load etc and if I can afford it. I'm not sure if I even want to be a teacher or could manage being one, I would like to do the course to give me something to focus on and see if I would like to be a teacher but its a waste of money if I don't become a teacher and if it makes my health worsen! Stupid cf getting in the way as usual, i'm just stuck with what to do. Plus now i'm worried if I do go to uni and my health worsens so that I definitely can't work I won't be able to get any incapacity benefit as I only qualify for this youth benefit because i'm under 25! Cf is a pain, you just don't know if you can manage things until you do them and you can feel great one day and rubbish another day. Im at a stage where I can still do some things but if I push myself too much my health will get worse like it did when I was working full-time. I feel so much better not working but feel abit useless and like I should be doing something but then I don't want to jeopardise my health. Its very tricky, very tricky indeed and also hard explaining this to people. I get sick of people asking me what i'm going to do with my degree and I know people think it was a waste of 4 years if I don't do anything with it even if they don't say it, but I didn't know what my health would be like in 4 years when I started university plus my health was great back then! Also I enjoyed univeristy and I love studying so would have still gone. I also know people think i'm lazy or whatever when I say i'm not working because of my health, because to look at me I appear fine, maybe I should walk with a limp from now on so people believe me...

ps- I did not mean to offend anyone who has a limp xx

I neglected my car

Well today I had a problem with my car. The engine keeps overheating and making noises for ages after I turn it off, I have asked several people about their opinions on this and even looked in the the manual but it just said drive slowly until it goes back to normal or something along those lines. I finally decided to call the garage after my dad told me to do this. I asked if I simply needed to check the water as I decided this was the problem as my friend checked it when we went swimming last night and it was empty! But they told me they would send someone out to fix it. I had to cancel going to do my voluntary work and wait for him to come. To be fair it only took him about 40 minutes from when I called to get here and I was right (or should I say my friend was) , it was the water. He said once it has run out though that they have to check it has no air in it or something. Anyway it was ok and he says I have to check the water every month now. I have never checked the water before in any previous cars so this is new to me.....shows how much I know about cars!

I went for my hair doing, I got my roots done and about an inch taken off. I had to park miles away (well maybe it was about a 5 minute walk but it felt like miles) as all the spaces outside on the road were taken (all the spaces are reserved for disabled so it is usually ok). By the time I got there I was knackered dodging people, its not very level ground and it was warm. On my way back I stopped into Argos and got a fan, yeay! I thought they may have sold out but they had some, wahoo!

I have realised something else was missed off my prescription and was going to go to the GP's again to get another prescription, its never ending! But by the time i'd had my hair done it was 3 and I was hungry for my crumpets in the cupboard at home. I stopped off at my mums to collect Alfie as he was hanging with Murphy whilst I went for my hair doing and she was vacuuming out her car so she did mine too. Thats was nice of her! I've been meaning to do it for ages but I always put if off as its too much hard work and get all out of breath etc.

I've started on promixin today as my tobi has now run out and now I am sensitive to promixin again I can go back on it. Its better because it doesn't take as long to go through (although compared to when I had that porta-neb even the tobi seems to take no time at all now!), but the trouble is that promixin comes as a powder and has to dissolve with the liquid which takes awhile. You cannot shake it as it makes it get bubbles and then takes ages to go through. I mix mine with salbutamol as mixed with saline it makes me all wheezy. I forgot how much it makes me shake after i've taken it through the nebuliser, hopefully this will wear off in a few days from what I can remember. Not sure why it makes me shaky, think its because the salbutamol is so strong?!

In the afternoon I did LOADS of cleaning, I was like a mad woman! Im rather tired now but feel a sense of achievement lol. I dunno how people manage to do all this cleaning and work as well I just couldn't do it. Not at the moment anyway, i'm shattered from just doing that!

Summertime!

Well, it has been so warm this weekend its been nice if not a little uncomfortable but I'm not complaining! If only I had a swimming pool I would be sorted! I have no salt tablets, the hospital are sending me a prescription for some but in the meantime I've been taking dehydration sachets so I don't feel ill. People with cf lose more salt when they sweat so we have to replace it else we feel ill, I tend to get lightheaded and have no energy. I think the heat has helped my chest though, my cough seems to have settled abit, when I did my physio yesterday I couldn't cough hardly anything up not even spit as my mouth was so dry! My i-neb has returned, oh how I missed the little guy!

On Friday I went for a walk with my friend and her niece who is nearly 2 years old, I was worried Alfie would not like her as he is abit unsure about kids (and strangers in general!). But he was really good, he kept looking at her and trying to sniff her feet so found her very interesting, the baby didn't really like Alfie so kept her distance but eventually she plucked up the courage to give him some treats with Alfie appreciated! We had some difficulty putting the pushchair down at the end and had to ring my friends sister haha!

I then went to the cinema with Pete in the evening to see Batman, Pete has been looking forward to seeing it for ages and I was pretty excited about seeing it too (and getting some more popcorn...). It was a good film, Heath Ledger played the Joker really well and Christian Bale is HOT!

Saturday I went to a house party! Wahoo! Got very drunk on sangria and a neighbour ended up shouting at me and my friend in a rather rude manner when I got back home for been too loud (I did not realise we were been too loud). It kind of put on a downer on the night as I don't like upsetting people and they already hate me cos of Alfie barking, I'm too scared to leave the flat now incase I see them.

Poor Alfie has not been coping well with this weather since he has a long fur coat, I had to give him a cold bath on Saturday, he just keep walking around and couldn't get comfy. Yesterday Pete and I took him for a walk and he just kept sitting in the shade! Chihuahuas are originally from Mexico, he should be able to cope with the heat!

So after my busy weekend i'm going to take it easy today. Bye! xx

Mamma Mia! Here we go again!

On Wednesday I went to see Mamma Mia, it was surprisingly good! I also watched Step up 2 - the streets through the day which was pretty good too. I loved Save the last dance and it was abit like that, really cool dancing! The cinema was so full that I had to park on the pavement in between spaces, there was literally nowhere to park! I put my disabled sticker out and hoped for the best, other people had done it so I guessed it was ok. The showing we wanted to see had sold out! So we had to see a later one, the ticket guy said people just keep coming back to see it as it came out on the 11th so you would have thought the hype would have died down by now! It was orange Wednesdays though so its always abit busy, but i've never seen it that full! I had my usual sweet popcorn and drink combo and had almost finished it by the time the film started :o)

Yesterday I wanted to get my hair done but T was too busy to do it so I went shopping instead as all the summer stuff is in the sales! I got a dress and 2 pairs of trousers from miss Selfridge a right bargin! I also got some new swim wear and a present for Petes Grandma as its her 90th birthday next week and she is having a party.

My cough is getting abit more productive, i've had to do some physio in the morning. Good news is that I am getting my i-neb back today!! Wahoo! Here is a picture of me doing my physio, the thing on my face is my pep mask and I have an orange towel on me (it is not part of my outfit) for when I get hit (opps I mean patted...)



One of my nails is looking very strange, its kind of rounded, a kind of bump in the middle. The doctor told me last time I was at the hospital that I dont have clubbing on my fingers which is apparently weird for somebody with cf (thanks I think...). Anyway I think this nail may be slightly clubbed, not that it matters..! Just a passing observation...!

Last night my legs were really aching, they kind of felt like they needed to be stretched but nothing would help! I didn't sleep very well, its too warm but not even that sunny! whats going on?!

I have the cleverest dog!

I've not done much today, did my voluntary work at Scope which involves mentoring another person who has a disability (they are called mentees). I helped my mentee prepare for an interview she has this week.

Pete was off work today so we walked into town with Alfie to do a few things. We went to the bank, dropped some things off at the charity shop, bought some dentra sticks for Alfie off the market stall, went to Sommerfield for some eggs (for me to make some pancakes!!), went to the chemist (to drop my Dnase prescription off that they forgot to give me yesterday and collect some things the chemist had to order in) and I bought a card for my cousin and his wife, they had a little girl yesterday! Alfie let a woman tickle him under his chin! I decided to video Alfie doing some tricks to show you how clever he is (now I know how to put videos on here there is no stopping me!)

Been feeling tired today and slept for quite awhile, hope i'm not getting ill, only been off my iv's like 2 weeks! I did do some vacuuming and I thought I was going to keel over at one point! But surly that should not require a 2 hour kip to recover?!

Ive also been ebaying to get a cool/thermal bag for when we go to the lake district for our picnics we will be going on! I was considering getting a frio bag as well to cart my Dnase around in (special pouches designed to carry insulin in) for when we go to the lakes and Greece, but decided a cool bag will do when I saw the prices of the frio pouches! Omg I just had a thought! What happens if I dont have my i-neb back by then? There is no way i'm carting that beast of a machine port-a-neb on holiday with me, I don't know why it has 'port' in its name as it is not portable!! I have another week yet, it will be ok..... (smiles nervously)

Whats that got to do with the price of fish?

Hehe, Pete said this to me when I was giving him a reason to set the table, and I thought it was funny so have put it as my title, since I think it's pretty catchy. I keep saying it to him now!

I've had a busy day today, I had to get up pretty early to go to Sheffield to have my crb check to get onto the teaching course I'm hoping to go on. Sheffield is about 30-40 mins from where I live on a good day, it was a nice sunny day and I drove with my shades on and Girls Aloud on and then the Spice Girls! Im such a pop girly girl. Didn't have the roof down though as it gets too windy on the motorway.

I then took Alfie for a nice long walk, I think all this walking is doing me good. I can go further now before I get out of breath! Then I went to get my repeat prescription from the GP's, I took it to the chemist which is where I realised they has missed off my Dnase. So I had to ring the GP's up and they are arranging for me to collect the prescription tomorrow, its a pain though because now I have to go back and it's not exactly around the corner! How can they miss something off that I've asked for?! I think they think that if they miss it off I won't notice and they can save abit of money....yeah right! My Dnase is like one of my most important medications!

When I got home there was a car in my parking space! Its clearly marked which my flat number and all the spaces are private. Some guy who I had already had to stop for so I didn't run him over was walking towards the car so I had a go at him, he wouldn't go park on someones drive would he?! Whats the difference? This has happened before and I parked behind them to block them in, I ended up in abit of an argument but I think I got my point across!

Picked up Pete from the train station in the afternoon, he got me a present! yeay! He got me a milka chocolate bar (yum) and a flannel that's like a glove... thanks Pete..... It's a good job I love him! I had a nice kip in the afternoon after I had collected my lover! Here is a video from Petes holiday that I found rather funny, beware he swears because he is drunk! He also attempts abit of french...

Then I went swimming this evening, it was fun! There were 3 lanes, fast, medium and slow. Guess which lane I had to go in? yes the slow one, and I think I was the slowest of the slowest! My friend went in the medium lane but kept asking me if i was OK lol. She even told the lifeguard I had cf and to keep an eye on me, I could see them chatting and looking at me! I used a floaty thing so that I didn't drown from getting out of breath and just concentrated on using my legs. We did it for about half an hour, my chest was feeling very tight towards the end. I'm going to get a discount card which I can get for free because I'm disabled which is good. I must say I look very attractive in my swimming costume and with my swimming cap on....not! Hence why I have not provided a picture! I didn't have my physio today as I thought I would be swimming when I normally have it, but I ended up going later. My justification is that swimming is kind of physio!

You know your tired when....

.....You fall asleep whilst being bashed doing your physio!
Yes that is what I did today, the lady who does my physio was doing her hitting me game and I nodded off! She is a lady whom my mum befriended when I was little and agreed to become my physio lady, my mum taught her how to do it and she has been doing it ever since! She comes sunday-thursday and gets friday and saturday off. Its good because it means I actually do my physio as otherwise i'd probably sack it off if i'm honest as I hate doing it. She is abit bossy haha and makes tells me off if I dont put enough enthusiasm into it! She's like 'you can do a bigger cough than that' and she inspects my sputum, not many people can say they have their own sputum inspector!

Today I met up with my friend after a lovely lie in which I needed as I kept having nightmares last night and didn't sleep very well. We were debating as to whether it was going to rain and decided to risk it and take the dogs for a walk, it was very pleasant, even when a wet dog came upto us and shock his wet fur at us! We made a milestone with Alfie, as you probably know by now Alfie is not very sociable and he hates all dogs apart from Murphy. Well today he snuck up behind a westie and sniffed her bits and when she turned around he didn't bark! its a miracle! We have made contact with the canine world!

We then went to the pub for lunch but just before we ordered it started to rain so we shouted 'its spitting!' in Peter Kay style and left as I dont like leaving the dogs in the car and since we couldn't eat outside as it was that rain that gets you really wet we had no choice. We dropped them off at my parents and went back and ate inside. I had to complain as we didn't get our drinks and asked twice and I was halfway through my meal so I called the woman again and told her I needed my drink to take my tablets WITH my food NOT after! She soon hurried off and got them, its amazing what threats of a medical nature can do.

I then came home and feel asleep only to be rudely awoken by physio lady coming to do my physio. After my physio I had a nap for abit and was rudely awoken by Pete calling me. Cant people leave me alone! I then slept again then went around to my parents for a roast. I was still tired and felt abit sick though so didn't eat much and then I got really bad stomach ache, I think I took too many tablets at the end of my meal as I forgot to take them during the meal. So I promptly left and now Alfie and I are going to watch a film that we have rented from 'Gemmas Parents dvd collection', my dad says hes going to get me a card to check them in and out!

Can you become a blog addict?

I decided to not do my blog for a few days as I think I was getting addicted haha! I lasted, 2 days? Anyway I have lots to say so can't hold out any longer!

I've been helping out at my mums barber shop (I trained to cut mens hair whilst at uni alongside my studies) whilst Pete is away to keep myself occupied and help out as one of the members of staff was on holiday. Its nice because I feel abit useful too rather than sat around. Its made me really tired though, especially since I had to get up really early because my nebuliser is taking so long! I helped colour T's hair as the colour was fading abit, he has a really cool pattern of a sun on his head, heres a picture and one of me at the salon!

My cough has become abit more productive and i'm sick of coughing on a morning and night! I bet the neighbours think i'm one of those people that make myself sick! Sometimes I try to suppress the coughing to stop the coughing fit and my head kinda shakes and I feel like its going to explode! But it stops the coughing which is good lol. I've had headache all today because I was coughing for like an hour on and off this morning, hopefully I might get a six pack though :o) Its weird though because I dont tend to cough in public, only when i'm at home etc where no-one can see me. Its like I hold them in until noone is around and then I unleash them! Ive also had constipation (you wanted to know that didn't you?!), so been binging on movicol as my tummy has felt very hard and bloated (maybe its going hard due to my six pack developing...hehe), it seems to be better now anyway. Im feeling quite exhausted so cancelled my friend coming over tonight, she was pretty tired too as she just came back from her holidays so didnt mind. We are going swimming on monday, im abit nervous about been seen in my swimming costume!!

Last night I went to the dog races with people from the college were I worked but recently left. It was a great night, I bet on one dog for 10 races and 2 of my dogs won! So I spent £10 and got £7 back which isn't too bad. The dogs were so cute, I wanted to stroke them but you can't do that :o( Heres a picture of my first winning ticket, I picked this dog because it was called Murphy like Alfies best buddy! Alfie had a sleep over with Murphy last night so I was all alone when I got home. I got home at 11.10pm and still did my nebuliser, im such a good girl!

My scar on my right arm developed a pussy spot that really hurt. I soaked it in the bath yesterday and popped it, dont know if this was good idea as now there is kind of a hole in it and it gone kind of crusty. Oh don't I discuss some nice things on my blog?! haha

I found out today that I can only get a grant for £1250 to go to uni in september, this one you dont have to pay back which I was hoping if I got enough I could manage on my savings and the grant as I dont want to extend my student loan. Im abit gutted im only allowed to have this much and not sure what to do now, Im considering leaving it for a few years until i've saved up some more and can be classed as independent.

Im really missing Pete, I cant wait for him to come home. He's called me a few times which is nice.

I hate port-a-nebs and miss my i-neb :o(

15 minutes to do my Dnase it takes on this port-a-neb and 30 minutes, yes 30 minutes to do my tobi, which is the one I do twice a day, so yes thats an hour of my life a day doing the stupid thing! Good job i'm not working at the moment! Yes I can watch the tv whilst doing it, but its so noisy I have to turn the tv up and sit by the door as the tube has to go outside and its not very long! I look forward to when it rains.... Alfie was enjoying it though, I swear he was sat by the door breathing in the fumes or he likes the vibrations, who knows? I made him move after abit, i'm not sure if dogs should be breathing in tobi fumes and his pet insurance probably won't cover that....!

im dressed like a 'chav' today, I have white tracksuit bottoms on (well abit greyish due to being washed with a black sock) and an abercrombie tshirt on with a hole in. The reason I am dressed like this is because a) I love the t-shirt, its from new york you know, plus the hole is only teeny tiny and b) I wore my skinny jeans to go to my voluntary work this morning and they are so tight I needed the loo the whole time so now I am wearing something really comfy to equal it out. I guess its not too chavy but I will not be seen in public in these pants, they are strictly hospital admission and home alone trousers.

I watched that model programme again (I discovered its on, on tuesdays and thursdays is a repeat) and the bitching is getting worse ! There is one girl (Jessica) who has m.e. and something else that has a really long name. She gets tired really easy and when her skin is touched it goes numb or something, I didn't understand it that much. Anyway last night she was so tired she was in a wheelchair and didn't know if she could do the catwalk show, I guess she was feeling 'zombieish' as I describe it! She did it in the end but all the other girls (esp the one that walks with a limp and the one in a wheelchair, Sophie) were telling her she should quit as she can't hack it. Jeez last week she wasn't disabled enough, this week she's too disabled, she can't win! I dunno what their problem is, she's still is doing everything asked of her and what do they know about what she can handle?! The girl who is deaf (I wish I could remember all their names) did well on the catwalk show even though she couldn't hear the music to walk to the beat, she did it to the vibrations and was the best one! The judges were saying they didn't know if she could be a role model, how they can say that about her when she managed to be the best catwalk model even though she is deaf I don't know.

Pete is leaving me tonight until monday, he is going to France to watch a rugby game with his friend so they are going for a few days as a mini holiday. So i'm going to be all alone, boo! I'm making him a curry tonight before he goes, I hope he gets the runs....haha. Just kidding darling...

I've still got this stupid dry cough but its not concerning me as I feel well so I am still putting it down to the tobi i'm doing at the moment.

Doggie sitting

As the title suggests, I was a doggie sitter today. Murphy joined Alfie and I and within 10 minutes he had escaped into next doors garden and gone into his flat as his door was open. Oh dear.... I was in my pj's, hair sticking up everywhere chasing after the damn creature. He eventually returned when I bribed him with abit of chicken, always works a treat.

My I-neb has gone and has been replaced with this beast, I have to sit with a tube going out of the window when I do my tobi, oh dear what will the neighbours think?! Murphy, decided to spray on the the new nebuliser which was nice, good job I had some wipes left from when I was on my ivs to clean it properly.

I called the physio about using this beast of a machine, he says I should have two separate mouth bits for my Dnase and tobi but they have only sent me one. I think i'll manage, i'll just clean it well each time. I'm hoping i'm only going to be using it for a few days!

I was just about to have a kip when the delivery guy came to collect my i-neb so I decided to take the dogs for a walk to wake me up abit, was abit windy! Heres a picture of them in the car in their little box I designed to transport them around (otherwise they fall off the seat). I just love the little grin on Alfie, Murphy doesn't like going in the car very much as I think he gets car sick so he has got abit of a face on him.




Anyway i'm still tired after the walk so think I shall have a kip now or perhaps watch some sex and the city. The dogs are both asleep, ah bliss.